Fat Woman was minding her own business on the rowing machine and had just knocked two whole seconds off her interval time. Fat Woman has been rowing 250m intervals throughout 2012. Back in April Fat Woman was struggling to get below 1 minute 10 seconds. Now Fat Woman has recorded a time of 1 minute 1.08 seconds. Fat Woman is determined to get below a minute in 2013.
Fat Woman was playing with arm position. Fat Woman knows that she is meant to be pulling the bar into her abs, but there is a lot of stomach in the way. This drastically shortens her pull. When Fat Woman pulls the bar higher there is more pull, but the tension is wrong. Fat Woman was also trying to change the pressure on her hands as she is fed up of getting blisters and callouses. Fat Woman doesn't mind looking like she has been working in the fields when she has been working in the fields, but would prefer to come out of the gym looking better for it.
Sparky paused briefly on his way past to say: "Pull into your abs, not up to your bazoomas." Fat Woman has said many times before that she is grateful for any help even if it is delivered in a patronizing fashion. However, although Fat Woman was taken aback at the idea that someone would use a slang word for breasts in a professional setting, it was the choice of a word meaning "extremely large breasts" that really made her jaw drop. On to her extremely large breasts.
Fat Woman guesses she should be grateful that Sparky didn't say "nunga-nungas" or "tatty bojangles."
Showing posts with label rowing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rowing. Show all posts
Friday, 21 December 2012
Saturday, 3 November 2012
Fat Woman is a gym snob
Fat Woman is becoming a gym snob. Fat Woman doesn't go to many gyms, but she knows what she likes and gets sniffy if what she likes isn't available. Fat Woman went to workout at Tiny Friend's gym and was deeply unimpressed by the lack of boxing equipment, kettlebells and barbells.
Thanks to shouty Sergeant PT Fat Woman now knows how to set the drag factor on a rowing machine. Fat Woman sets the drag factor to 120, which Sergeant PT says is single skulls.
Fat Woman only has one skull anyway, so that works for her.
Apparently a drag factor of 120 is quite high. Fat Woman has concluded this because of the number of rowing machines she has been on where she needs to set the damper on a high number to get that magic 120. The rowing machines at the holiday resort needed a nine, the machines at the gym today needed a setting of ten, and the rowing machines at Personal Trainer's new gym only went up to 55. Fat Woman gave up in disgust.
Today, Fat Woman went to another branch of her gym in a strange city. Fat Woman had lots of fun trying out different rowing machines and getting up in disgust when they wouldn't give her a high enough drag factor. There was only one person rowing and Fat Woman saw him watching her with a mixture of pity and curiosity. Fat Woman held her head high and knocked half a second of her best 250m interval time.
Fat Woman was also unimpressed at the lack of a heavy bag at the new branch of her gym. Fat Woman has to hit the heavy bag 500 times every time she goes into the gym because Personal Trainer says so. Fat Woman hit the medium bag today which is not at all the same.
Thanks to shouty Sergeant PT Fat Woman now knows how to set the drag factor on a rowing machine. Fat Woman sets the drag factor to 120, which Sergeant PT says is single skulls.
Fat Woman only has one skull anyway, so that works for her.
Apparently a drag factor of 120 is quite high. Fat Woman has concluded this because of the number of rowing machines she has been on where she needs to set the damper on a high number to get that magic 120. The rowing machines at the holiday resort needed a nine, the machines at the gym today needed a setting of ten, and the rowing machines at Personal Trainer's new gym only went up to 55. Fat Woman gave up in disgust.
Today, Fat Woman went to another branch of her gym in a strange city. Fat Woman had lots of fun trying out different rowing machines and getting up in disgust when they wouldn't give her a high enough drag factor. There was only one person rowing and Fat Woman saw him watching her with a mixture of pity and curiosity. Fat Woman held her head high and knocked half a second of her best 250m interval time.
Fat Woman was also unimpressed at the lack of a heavy bag at the new branch of her gym. Fat Woman has to hit the heavy bag 500 times every time she goes into the gym because Personal Trainer says so. Fat Woman hit the medium bag today which is not at all the same.
Sunday, 14 October 2012
Fat Woman and the eaten words
Fat Woman had recently had a run in with Sergeant PT, as recounted in Fat Woman and the disbelieving PT. To recap, Fat Woman had essentially beaten another personal trainer in rowing a kilometre. Sergeant PT then presented Fat Woman with the most blatant demonstration of fat prejudice that Fat Woman has encountered since school, insisting that this was simply not possible.
It wasn't the disbelief that got up Fat Woman's nose. Fat Woman could forgive that, especially as she initially found it surprising herself. What really frosted Fat Woman's cookies was that Sergeant PT came up with reason after incredible explanation as to why Fat Woman was mistaken and she wasn't actually faster at rowing 1km than a brand new female personal trainer.
Here are Sergeant PT's statements in chronological order:
Having had time to let the whole affair sink in, Fat Woman finds Sergeant PT's assumption that she did not know how to row properly to be incredibly insulting, both to herself and to Personal Trainer with whom she has been working for nearly a year. The kind of cast-iron certainty displayed by Sergeant PT was an overt display of fat prejudice base on ignorance and lack of reasoning. Sergeant PT assumed that Fat Woman was not physically fit, despite knowing that Fat Woman has been training for the last year. Sergeant PT then assumed that Fat Woman didn't know how to row, had never been taught to row and would benefit from his tuition. Sergeant PT also assumed that Fat Woman was stupid enough not to know if someone was humouring her by not trying.
Fat Woman turned up to meet Sergeant PT in the gym the next day. Sergeant PT claimed that he sees everything but he based his assessment of Fat Woman's rowing style on her first pull, which is always too high. Still, Fat Woman enjoyed Sergeant PT showing her how to calibrate the rowing machine for a drag of 120. You pull on the bar, and then move the lever on the side up or down.
Fat Woman enjoyed it even more when Sergeant PT repeated the calibration on the next rowing machine to prove his point and the result was that the two machines had exactly the same settings. Sergeant PT explained that this was coincidence and that he knew some of the other machines would produce different results. Fat Woman nodded and smiled.
Sergeant PT showed Fat Woman how he thought she should row, and set her pace to be between 2 minutes 20 seconds and 2 minutes 30 seconds per 500m. Fat Woman was then told to row 5 kilometres. Fat Woman has rowed 5km before, although not under any time pressure, but had the distinct impression Sergeant PT was expecting her to cry or beg for mercy. Fat Woman was sorry to disappoint, but 5km of rowing is just a bit of cardio to her.
It's running that scares the bejeezus out of Fat Woman.
So Sergeant PT went off to train and Fat Woman rowed 5km. Fat Woman kept her pace around 2:20 for the first 2km, kept her pace under 2:30 for the next two kilometres and then got tired. The 5km row took Fat Woman 25 minutes and 45 seconds,
Fat Woman got up to get water and was summoned by Sergeant PT. Sergeant PT was walking on a treadmill whilst wearing a large rucksack. Fat Woman hopes that is not something Personal Trainer is going to make her do. Sergeant PT asked her time, and Fat Woman told him. Then Sergeant PT asked how old Fat Woman was. Fat Woman told him she was 35.
All Sergeant PT said then was: "That's not bad."
Fat Woman is delighted that she isn't doing badly for a woman her age. Fat Woman is also assuming that Sergeant PT also meant: "I'm sorry I was a prejudiced ass and thought you were both stupid and unfit."
Personal Trainer says that Sergeant PT has shocking rowing technique, that he would beat Sergeant PT at rowing any day and that Fat Woman should tell Sergeant PT this.
Fat Woman said to Personal Trainer that she might be a fat middle aged woman, but she is a fat middle aged woman from his training stable. Personal Trainer showed how pleased he was that Fat Woman was a credit to him and had made Sergeant PT eat his words by making Fat Woman do an utterly vicious circuit.
Fat Woman is sure that Sergeant PT is glad that words are zero calories.
It wasn't the disbelief that got up Fat Woman's nose. Fat Woman could forgive that, especially as she initially found it surprising herself. What really frosted Fat Woman's cookies was that Sergeant PT came up with reason after incredible explanation as to why Fat Woman was mistaken and she wasn't actually faster at rowing 1km than a brand new female personal trainer.
Here are Sergeant PT's statements in chronological order:
- Sweet PT wasn't really trying.
- Sweet PT trained legs yesterday.
- Sweet PT used to row for sport
- The rowing machines in the gym are all calibrated differently.
Having had time to let the whole affair sink in, Fat Woman finds Sergeant PT's assumption that she did not know how to row properly to be incredibly insulting, both to herself and to Personal Trainer with whom she has been working for nearly a year. The kind of cast-iron certainty displayed by Sergeant PT was an overt display of fat prejudice base on ignorance and lack of reasoning. Sergeant PT assumed that Fat Woman was not physically fit, despite knowing that Fat Woman has been training for the last year. Sergeant PT then assumed that Fat Woman didn't know how to row, had never been taught to row and would benefit from his tuition. Sergeant PT also assumed that Fat Woman was stupid enough not to know if someone was humouring her by not trying.
Fat Woman turned up to meet Sergeant PT in the gym the next day. Sergeant PT claimed that he sees everything but he based his assessment of Fat Woman's rowing style on her first pull, which is always too high. Still, Fat Woman enjoyed Sergeant PT showing her how to calibrate the rowing machine for a drag of 120. You pull on the bar, and then move the lever on the side up or down.
Fat Woman enjoyed it even more when Sergeant PT repeated the calibration on the next rowing machine to prove his point and the result was that the two machines had exactly the same settings. Sergeant PT explained that this was coincidence and that he knew some of the other machines would produce different results. Fat Woman nodded and smiled.
Sergeant PT showed Fat Woman how he thought she should row, and set her pace to be between 2 minutes 20 seconds and 2 minutes 30 seconds per 500m. Fat Woman was then told to row 5 kilometres. Fat Woman has rowed 5km before, although not under any time pressure, but had the distinct impression Sergeant PT was expecting her to cry or beg for mercy. Fat Woman was sorry to disappoint, but 5km of rowing is just a bit of cardio to her.
It's running that scares the bejeezus out of Fat Woman.
So Sergeant PT went off to train and Fat Woman rowed 5km. Fat Woman kept her pace around 2:20 for the first 2km, kept her pace under 2:30 for the next two kilometres and then got tired. The 5km row took Fat Woman 25 minutes and 45 seconds,
Fat Woman got up to get water and was summoned by Sergeant PT. Sergeant PT was walking on a treadmill whilst wearing a large rucksack. Fat Woman hopes that is not something Personal Trainer is going to make her do. Sergeant PT asked her time, and Fat Woman told him. Then Sergeant PT asked how old Fat Woman was. Fat Woman told him she was 35.
All Sergeant PT said then was: "That's not bad."
Fat Woman is delighted that she isn't doing badly for a woman her age. Fat Woman is also assuming that Sergeant PT also meant: "I'm sorry I was a prejudiced ass and thought you were both stupid and unfit."
Personal Trainer says that Sergeant PT has shocking rowing technique, that he would beat Sergeant PT at rowing any day and that Fat Woman should tell Sergeant PT this.
Fat Woman said to Personal Trainer that she might be a fat middle aged woman, but she is a fat middle aged woman from his training stable. Personal Trainer showed how pleased he was that Fat Woman was a credit to him and had made Sergeant PT eat his words by making Fat Woman do an utterly vicious circuit.
Fat Woman is sure that Sergeant PT is glad that words are zero calories.
Tuesday, 9 October 2012
Fat Woman and the disbelieving PT
Fat Woman was having a good week. On Monday during pad work Personal Trainer said: "That was quick!" Personal Trainer has never said anything like that to Fat Woman before. Fat Woman was extremely pleased, although she suspects that the only reason they got tangled up during the uppercuts was that Personal Trainer wasn't fully concentrating. Nevertheless, Fat Woman is inspired to try harder and be surprisingly quick again.
Today Fat Woman went to her gym. Fat Woman has netball practice on Tuesday evenings so limits her cardio to a bit of a warm up and hitting the heavy bag 500 times, as mandated by Personal Trainer. The rest of the time Fat Woman does some mat work in order to keep up with the fitness part of BoxFit class.
There is a new female personal trainer at Fat Woman's gym. This one is young and sweet and seems to like talking to Fat Woman. Fat Woman is always friendly to the occasional new personal trainer because it must be hard being new in a competitive workplace. Fat Woman thinks it must be particularly hard coming in as a young woman amongst mostly male colleagues. Fat Personal Trainer wasn't at all into working out but Sweet PT seems to like exercise and joined Fat Woman for her rowing warm up.
Fat Woman suggested they race for a kilometre. Fat Woman isn't entirely sure what her motives were, and has to admit that she might well have been expecting to surprise Sweet PT with just how fit she is.
Fat Woman rowed as Personal Trainer taught her, with strong, long pulls. What Fat Woman didn't expect was that Sweet PT would be heaving away on the rowing machine, giving it everything. Fat Woman was barely making an effort but when she glanced at Sweet PT's display Fat Woman could see that she was quite a way ahead of Sweet PT.
Fat Woman had a dilema. Sweet PT is a -well, a sweet girl, and whilst Fat Woman is keen to teach the lesson that fat ladies can also be fit ladies, she didn't want to crush the girl's confidence entirely. Fat Woman wondered how she would feel in Sweet PT's position, as a newly qualified PT being shown that she wasn't quite good enough.
Fat Woman pulled less hard.
Sweet PT finished at 1017m when Fat Woman was at 1010m. Fat Woman congratulated Sweet PT and saw her off to train with Sergeant PT who had just arrived. Sergeant PT was going to show Sweet PT some CrossFit moves. Fat Woman is not yet interested in being CrossFit and is still working on being Fit, albeit whilst being a little tetchy sometimes.
After workout and a shower Fat Woman had just left when she stopped to catch up with a friend who works at the gym. Fat Woman was sharing her joy at her recent triumphs and her friend was being suitably supportive.
Sergeant PT arrived just as Fat Woman was doing her happy dance and wanted to know what the hallelujah was going on.
Fat Woman hasn't had much of a chance to get to know Sergeant PT, although being caught doing the happy dance is a good moment to extend the intimacy. Sergeant PT appreciates her lemon drizzle cakes and that is all Fat Woman requires to view somebody kindly, but Fat Woman has heard Sergeant PT being blunt with clients, usually prefaced with him saying "I don't mean to be rude, but..." When discussing possible holiday cover with Personal Trainer Fat Woman said she could envision Sergeant PT saying: "I don't mean to be rude, but is this number on the form wrong or are you really that fat?"
Fat Woman explained first about the pad work compliment, and then explained how she had slowed down her rowing in order not to beat Sweet PT.
Sergeant PT declared that wasn't possible.
Fat Woman raised both her eyebrows and stood back to watch Sergeant PT mentally spin for a bit.
Sergeant PT said that Sweet PT wasn't trying.
Fat Woman said that Sweet PT was breathing hard at the end and it certainly looked like she was trying during the row.
Sergeant PT said that Sweet PT had trained legs yesterday.
Fat Woman said we all trained yesterday and that was no excuse.
Sergeant PT said that Sweet PT used to row for sport.
Fat Woman said that rowing machines are completely different.
Sergeant PT agreed that point, but then said that the rowing machines in the gym aren't calibrated properly.
At this point, Fat Woman stopped to listen. Fat Woman has always said she doesn't mind being patronised by people who know more than she does, and Sergeant PT turned out to be very knowledgable about rowing machines and how to calibrate them, and how you should go by drag not numbers on the dial. Fat Woman reached for her notebook but Sergeant PT she didn't need to write anything down, he would show her with pleasure. Fat Woman offered to pay for half an hour of tuition but Sergeant PT said he would do he as a mate, just for the pleasure of helping someone improve. Not would Sergeant PT accept the offer of lemon drizzle cake or even zero-carb bread.
Fat Woman was touched by the kindness, and got Sergeant PT to give her a day and a time to do this.
When Sergeant PT had his diary out that he said: "When did you last do pads with Personal Trainer?" Fat Woman was puzzled by this enquiry but said: "Yesterday." Sergeant PT hadn't known that Fat Woman was still training with Personal Trainer. Fat Woman suspects that he was going to offer her the usual free introductory training session.
Fat Woman had to let Personal Trainer know that she was intending to get training from someone else. Sergeant PT said he would speak to Personal Trainer if he saw him that night, but Fat Woman emailed him just to make sure.
Fat Woman is going to enjoy working with her fourth personal trainer, especially if he helps her master the rowing machine computer. Fat Woman has never let a computer beat her yet and is dying to know all the capabilities of this one.
Fat Woman still isn't sure that Sergeant PT is fully aware of how fit she is, but she is sure he will understand by the end of tomorrow.
Fat Woman wonders what the other PTs think that she has been doing with Personal Trainer for the last nine months. It isn't as though they have never seen Fat Woman and Personal Trainer work together.
Today Fat Woman went to her gym. Fat Woman has netball practice on Tuesday evenings so limits her cardio to a bit of a warm up and hitting the heavy bag 500 times, as mandated by Personal Trainer. The rest of the time Fat Woman does some mat work in order to keep up with the fitness part of BoxFit class.
There is a new female personal trainer at Fat Woman's gym. This one is young and sweet and seems to like talking to Fat Woman. Fat Woman is always friendly to the occasional new personal trainer because it must be hard being new in a competitive workplace. Fat Woman thinks it must be particularly hard coming in as a young woman amongst mostly male colleagues. Fat Personal Trainer wasn't at all into working out but Sweet PT seems to like exercise and joined Fat Woman for her rowing warm up.
Fat Woman suggested they race for a kilometre. Fat Woman isn't entirely sure what her motives were, and has to admit that she might well have been expecting to surprise Sweet PT with just how fit she is.
Fat Woman rowed as Personal Trainer taught her, with strong, long pulls. What Fat Woman didn't expect was that Sweet PT would be heaving away on the rowing machine, giving it everything. Fat Woman was barely making an effort but when she glanced at Sweet PT's display Fat Woman could see that she was quite a way ahead of Sweet PT.
Fat Woman had a dilema. Sweet PT is a -well, a sweet girl, and whilst Fat Woman is keen to teach the lesson that fat ladies can also be fit ladies, she didn't want to crush the girl's confidence entirely. Fat Woman wondered how she would feel in Sweet PT's position, as a newly qualified PT being shown that she wasn't quite good enough.
Fat Woman pulled less hard.
Sweet PT finished at 1017m when Fat Woman was at 1010m. Fat Woman congratulated Sweet PT and saw her off to train with Sergeant PT who had just arrived. Sergeant PT was going to show Sweet PT some CrossFit moves. Fat Woman is not yet interested in being CrossFit and is still working on being Fit, albeit whilst being a little tetchy sometimes.
After workout and a shower Fat Woman had just left when she stopped to catch up with a friend who works at the gym. Fat Woman was sharing her joy at her recent triumphs and her friend was being suitably supportive.
Sergeant PT arrived just as Fat Woman was doing her happy dance and wanted to know what the hallelujah was going on.
Fat Woman hasn't had much of a chance to get to know Sergeant PT, although being caught doing the happy dance is a good moment to extend the intimacy. Sergeant PT appreciates her lemon drizzle cakes and that is all Fat Woman requires to view somebody kindly, but Fat Woman has heard Sergeant PT being blunt with clients, usually prefaced with him saying "I don't mean to be rude, but..." When discussing possible holiday cover with Personal Trainer Fat Woman said she could envision Sergeant PT saying: "I don't mean to be rude, but is this number on the form wrong or are you really that fat?"
Fat Woman explained first about the pad work compliment, and then explained how she had slowed down her rowing in order not to beat Sweet PT.
Sergeant PT declared that wasn't possible.
Fat Woman raised both her eyebrows and stood back to watch Sergeant PT mentally spin for a bit.
Sergeant PT said that Sweet PT wasn't trying.
Fat Woman said that Sweet PT was breathing hard at the end and it certainly looked like she was trying during the row.
Sergeant PT said that Sweet PT had trained legs yesterday.
Fat Woman said we all trained yesterday and that was no excuse.
Sergeant PT said that Sweet PT used to row for sport.
Fat Woman said that rowing machines are completely different.
Sergeant PT agreed that point, but then said that the rowing machines in the gym aren't calibrated properly.
At this point, Fat Woman stopped to listen. Fat Woman has always said she doesn't mind being patronised by people who know more than she does, and Sergeant PT turned out to be very knowledgable about rowing machines and how to calibrate them, and how you should go by drag not numbers on the dial. Fat Woman reached for her notebook but Sergeant PT she didn't need to write anything down, he would show her with pleasure. Fat Woman offered to pay for half an hour of tuition but Sergeant PT said he would do he as a mate, just for the pleasure of helping someone improve. Not would Sergeant PT accept the offer of lemon drizzle cake or even zero-carb bread.
Fat Woman was touched by the kindness, and got Sergeant PT to give her a day and a time to do this.
When Sergeant PT had his diary out that he said: "When did you last do pads with Personal Trainer?" Fat Woman was puzzled by this enquiry but said: "Yesterday." Sergeant PT hadn't known that Fat Woman was still training with Personal Trainer. Fat Woman suspects that he was going to offer her the usual free introductory training session.
Fat Woman had to let Personal Trainer know that she was intending to get training from someone else. Sergeant PT said he would speak to Personal Trainer if he saw him that night, but Fat Woman emailed him just to make sure.
Fat Woman is going to enjoy working with her fourth personal trainer, especially if he helps her master the rowing machine computer. Fat Woman has never let a computer beat her yet and is dying to know all the capabilities of this one.
Fat Woman still isn't sure that Sergeant PT is fully aware of how fit she is, but she is sure he will understand by the end of tomorrow.
Fat Woman wonders what the other PTs think that she has been doing with Personal Trainer for the last nine months. It isn't as though they have never seen Fat Woman and Personal Trainer work together.
Monday, 23 July 2012
Fat Woman and the stressful morning
Recap: Fat Woman and Personal Trainer had a falling out. A big misunderstanding where both Personal Trainer and Fat Woman were convinced they were right and the other one was wrong. This culminated in a high drama conversation on Friday night.
Nominally, Personal Trainer and Fat Woman were okay. Certainly Personal Trainer turned up to train Fat Woman, which was a bonus. Fat Woman is not usually a nervous Nelly about training but was extremely stressed that morning. At three minutes to training Fat Woman was starting to stress about how stressed she was. Fat Woman's heart rate - usually a resting 60bpm - had hit 120bpm.
Fat Woman realised that if you have been on the rowing machine for fifteen minutes then of course your heart rate would go up.
Personal Trainer was pretty much his usual friendly self and put Fat Woman at ease fairly quickly. However, Fat Woman won't mind Personal Trainer's holiday next week in the slightest.
Nominally, Personal Trainer and Fat Woman were okay. Certainly Personal Trainer turned up to train Fat Woman, which was a bonus. Fat Woman is not usually a nervous Nelly about training but was extremely stressed that morning. At three minutes to training Fat Woman was starting to stress about how stressed she was. Fat Woman's heart rate - usually a resting 60bpm - had hit 120bpm.
Fat Woman realised that if you have been on the rowing machine for fifteen minutes then of course your heart rate would go up.
Personal Trainer was pretty much his usual friendly self and put Fat Woman at ease fairly quickly. However, Fat Woman won't mind Personal Trainer's holiday next week in the slightest.
Tuesday, 27 March 2012
Fat Woman feasts visually
Fat Woman meant to go to Aquarobics this morning. Fat Woman goes to Aquarobics on Tuesday to get her over the Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness caused by meeting Personal Trainer on Monday. Fat Woman chases the anaesthetic effects of cardio.
Today, instead of enjoying forty-five fun minutes of water based dance movements Fat Woman was tapping her foot at home whilst waiting for the painter and decorator to arrive. Fat Woman thinks Painter/Decorator is lucky he's good at what he does or she would be Very Upset. Fat Woman dislikes lateness and thinks that in 2012 with the ubiquity of mobile telephones any failure to Let People Waiting Know is rude beyond belief.
Having failed to make Aquarobics, Fat Woman had to go into the gym for some cardio. Fat Woman has a walk with a friend on Tuesday afternoons so didn't want to do any treadmill work but managed 2k on the rowing machine and 4k on the stationary bike. Fat Woman likes intervals on the rower and pyramids on the bike, starting from 1 mph for a minute each and 80+ revolutions per minute. Fat Woman also hit the punch bag. Personal Trainer has stopped treating Fat Woman with kid gloves and insists that she has to move around when punching the bag. Fat Woman has been promised he will provide tea and sympathy should she end up with a bloody nose.
Fat Woman was happy that her iPod had new music on. Fat Woman has worked out that it takes 40 pulls to carry her through 250m. Fat Woman closes her eyes and count pulls instead of watching the metres tick by on the console.
In her fifth interval Fat Woman opened her eyes and saw the most exceptionally gorgeous rear view of a man she has seen in a long time. Fat Woman is not a visually orientated person when it comes to the opposite sex so was greatly surprised by her mental reaction. In her head, Fat Woman exclaimed: "PHWOAR!" Fat Woman was taken aback by the utter gorgeousness of the gentleman in question.
Fat Woman was even more taken aback when the man turned around and she saw that she had in fact been admiring the rear of Swimming Coach.
Fat Woman feels that she has rather embarrassed herself. As a married Fat Woman does not think it seemly for her to be ogling young men. Fat Woman certainly doesn't want to embarrass or revolt any young men by being seen to "fancy" them.
Fat Woman has made a mental note to compliment Swimming Coach on how well the body building is working.
Today, instead of enjoying forty-five fun minutes of water based dance movements Fat Woman was tapping her foot at home whilst waiting for the painter and decorator to arrive. Fat Woman thinks Painter/Decorator is lucky he's good at what he does or she would be Very Upset. Fat Woman dislikes lateness and thinks that in 2012 with the ubiquity of mobile telephones any failure to Let People Waiting Know is rude beyond belief.
Having failed to make Aquarobics, Fat Woman had to go into the gym for some cardio. Fat Woman has a walk with a friend on Tuesday afternoons so didn't want to do any treadmill work but managed 2k on the rowing machine and 4k on the stationary bike. Fat Woman likes intervals on the rower and pyramids on the bike, starting from 1 mph for a minute each and 80+ revolutions per minute. Fat Woman also hit the punch bag. Personal Trainer has stopped treating Fat Woman with kid gloves and insists that she has to move around when punching the bag. Fat Woman has been promised he will provide tea and sympathy should she end up with a bloody nose.
Fat Woman was happy that her iPod had new music on. Fat Woman has worked out that it takes 40 pulls to carry her through 250m. Fat Woman closes her eyes and count pulls instead of watching the metres tick by on the console.
In her fifth interval Fat Woman opened her eyes and saw the most exceptionally gorgeous rear view of a man she has seen in a long time. Fat Woman is not a visually orientated person when it comes to the opposite sex so was greatly surprised by her mental reaction. In her head, Fat Woman exclaimed: "PHWOAR!" Fat Woman was taken aback by the utter gorgeousness of the gentleman in question.
Fat Woman was even more taken aback when the man turned around and she saw that she had in fact been admiring the rear of Swimming Coach.
Fat Woman feels that she has rather embarrassed herself. As a married Fat Woman does not think it seemly for her to be ogling young men. Fat Woman certainly doesn't want to embarrass or revolt any young men by being seen to "fancy" them.
Fat Woman has made a mental note to compliment Swimming Coach on how well the body building is working.
Friday, 17 February 2012
Fat Woman gets testy
Fat Woman was having a lovely time with Personal Trainer. Fat Woman even looked forward to Monday mornings when she would meet Personal Trainer in the gym café and they would head up to the studio for an hour long workout. Fat Woman was super happy in her new relationship, finding Personal Trainer to be a sweet young man who reminded her of a Pit Bull puppy, all cute and energetic and playful, strong for his size and very tough. Fat Woman liked Personal Trainer so much she even made him one of her super-duper chocolate cakes for his milestone birthday. Personal Trainer returned this trust and friendliness by making Fat Woman take a Fitness Test.
Fat Woman has a policy that in the gym she does everything Personal Trainer asks her to do and she doesn't moan about it. Personal Trainer has remarked that Fat Woman complains and argues the least out of all his clients. Fat Woman is proud of this as it is probably the only benefit she has compared to all the other clients. Fat Woman was so surprised by the fitness test that she broke her rule. Fat Woman caught herself protesting and stopped immediately, but Fat Woman had to acknowledge that the fitness test scared her.
The fitness test was (1) Row 1000m, (2) Walk as far as you can in five minutes (3) Hit the punch bag 500 times. Items 1 and 3 were measured on speed. Fat Woman approached them with caution but made reasonable times on both tests.
Fat Woman was frightened by item 2. Fat Woman worried that she would collapse gasping halfway through the test with burning lungs and an agonising stitch in her side. Fat Woman remembers Fat Girl trusting the P.E. teacher at school and running as fast as she can, responding to the cries of: "Try harder! Run faster!" Fat Girl found that however hard she tried and however fast she managed to run or however long she ran for it was never fast enough or long enough. Fat Girl didn't notice any positive encouragement or any congratulation for improvement. Fat Girl thinks that possibly there wasn't any benchmarking, just a natural order of teenage girls. Fat Girl's place in P.E. lessons was at the bottom of the order. Fat Woman remembers not being able to go on, horrible pain and desperate gasping for air. Fat Girl was often left behind, last back to school with boys jeering at her as she walked up alone.
Fat Woman stood on the treadmill determined to make it through the five minutes. Fat Woman had no idea how fast she could walk or how long five minutes would feel. Fat Woman made no connection with the regular fifteen minute walks she takes or even the occasional longer walks. Fat Woman just knew that if she went as fast as she could her knees would hurt and she would run out of breath and have pains in her side. In fact, that would be running and running involves slamming all of Fat Woman's weight on to Fat Woman's knees, breaking Fat Woman's rule of exercise (see previous post).
Fat Woman held herself together and completed all the stages in the fitness test. Fat Woman and Personal Trainer were both a little unnerved by the experience. Fat Woman made a mental note to find out exactly what Personal Trainer is testing, Fat Woman is not going to be speedy on her feet until she has lost at least another 100lbs. Fat Woman dislikes walking speed tests because they remind her so much of cross country runs and 1500m in school P.E. Fat Woman feels set up to lose.
Fat Woman is amazing on the rowing machine BTW.
Fat Woman has a policy that in the gym she does everything Personal Trainer asks her to do and she doesn't moan about it. Personal Trainer has remarked that Fat Woman complains and argues the least out of all his clients. Fat Woman is proud of this as it is probably the only benefit she has compared to all the other clients. Fat Woman was so surprised by the fitness test that she broke her rule. Fat Woman caught herself protesting and stopped immediately, but Fat Woman had to acknowledge that the fitness test scared her.
The fitness test was (1) Row 1000m, (2) Walk as far as you can in five minutes (3) Hit the punch bag 500 times. Items 1 and 3 were measured on speed. Fat Woman approached them with caution but made reasonable times on both tests.
Fat Woman was frightened by item 2. Fat Woman worried that she would collapse gasping halfway through the test with burning lungs and an agonising stitch in her side. Fat Woman remembers Fat Girl trusting the P.E. teacher at school and running as fast as she can, responding to the cries of: "Try harder! Run faster!" Fat Girl found that however hard she tried and however fast she managed to run or however long she ran for it was never fast enough or long enough. Fat Girl didn't notice any positive encouragement or any congratulation for improvement. Fat Girl thinks that possibly there wasn't any benchmarking, just a natural order of teenage girls. Fat Girl's place in P.E. lessons was at the bottom of the order. Fat Woman remembers not being able to go on, horrible pain and desperate gasping for air. Fat Girl was often left behind, last back to school with boys jeering at her as she walked up alone.
Fat Woman stood on the treadmill determined to make it through the five minutes. Fat Woman had no idea how fast she could walk or how long five minutes would feel. Fat Woman made no connection with the regular fifteen minute walks she takes or even the occasional longer walks. Fat Woman just knew that if she went as fast as she could her knees would hurt and she would run out of breath and have pains in her side. In fact, that would be running and running involves slamming all of Fat Woman's weight on to Fat Woman's knees, breaking Fat Woman's rule of exercise (see previous post).
Fat Woman held herself together and completed all the stages in the fitness test. Fat Woman and Personal Trainer were both a little unnerved by the experience. Fat Woman made a mental note to find out exactly what Personal Trainer is testing, Fat Woman is not going to be speedy on her feet until she has lost at least another 100lbs. Fat Woman dislikes walking speed tests because they remind her so much of cross country runs and 1500m in school P.E. Fat Woman feels set up to lose.
Fat Woman is amazing on the rowing machine BTW.
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