Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Fat Woman and the nice sit down

Fat Woman is still pregnant. 20 weeks pregnant in fact. For those who aren't clear on these things this is half way through a standard length pregnancy. Small Baby might actually be quite advanced for its foetal age as the ultra scan people keep trying to push Fat Woman's due date forward, which means Fat Woman is feeling like she is several weeks further on that she actually is.

Having breezed through her first trimester Fat Woman was feeling pretty smug and was preparing to carry on with normal life until the end of the year when Small Baby would arrive. The universe decided to show Fat Woman that being smug is unbecoming and that smug people get punished. At week 18 Fat Woman suddenly found herself feeling unusually tired. Since Fat Woman got her thyroid under control and took up exercise she has lots of energy. Small Baby also started kicking Fat Woman awake at night. Small Baby has an objection to Fat Woman sleeping on her front, so Fat Woman has had to purchase an enormous "pregnancy pillow", which is a U-shaped bolster six feet long. Fat Woman is utterly in love with this strange and frankly unwieldy addition to her bedroom as it allows her to sleep on her side, no mean feat when she has slept in the same position for her entire life. Thin Husband is not so sure about the magic pillow but as a generous husband with survival skills finely honed after 18+ years with Fat Woman he has not complained about the amount of room the pillow takes up. This might be because Thin Husband is sensitive to his pregnant wife's needs, or it might be that Fat Woman plus two bolsters takes up as much room as Fat Woman did a few years ago. Whatever, it is generally agreed that a sleepless Fat Woman is a danger to health and - well, everyone really.

Fat Woman is living with feeling a bit tired even though she's starting not to do things she'd like to do. What Fat Woman is finding incredibly strange is how much she is enjoying sitting down. Fat Woman has never been one for "a nice sit down". Either you sit or you stand, what's the difference? Yet all of a sudden Fat Woman is finding that she doesn't just change between the two states, she finds herself really enjoying the fact she has a seat in the same way her beloved Granny would say: "Ooh! A nice sit down" in a kind of jokey way but actually being very glad that she was finally seated. Fat Woman is enjoying the actual experience of sitting far more than she thinks is normal or natural.

Fat Woman was coping reasonably well with training, although her weights seem to be getting lighter and lighter. Fat Woman had never had any problems with Escrima (fighting with sticks) but today she suddenly found herself learning how to defend herself from a sitting position. A proper sitting position that involved an actual chair. Apparently this is really high-level Escrima stuff and not something patronising you put on for the pregnant lady.

Fat Woman is just glad she hasn't ended up in Pre-Natal Yoga. Yet. And also that she is writing this from a seated position.

Monday, 21 July 2014

Fat Woman and the dubious future

Fat Woman is now 20 weeks pregnant. According to various helpful websites Fat Woman is now carrying a baby that is the size of a banana. Fat Woman is assuming that this is the very large kind of banana you get in Waitrose rather than a Tesco Value banana.

Fat Woman isn't into taking selfies of her baby bump because frankly she just looks more fat than she did. Baby bump selfies are thin privilege. Fat Woman might not be able to clearly see her baby bump but she can sure as heck feel it. Bump is starting to get in the way during workouts. Rowing is now out as leaning forwards is difficult, and on the occasion that she uses a machine for weights where you sit and face inwards Fat Woman can't sit forward enough to brace herself. Personal Trainer is patient but the weights he is handing Fat Woman are getting lighter and lighter. Today Fat Woman did deadlifts with a 20kg power bag. Fat Woman regards deadlifts of less than 50kg as playing, and weights of 20kg for pressing, or at least she did.

Fat Woman remembers how she felt in February. Fat Woman felt fit, healthy and able to do anything. Fat Woman could train at the gym in the morning, go home and do three hours of gardening and go back for a BoxFit class. Now Fat Woman goes to the gym and goes home for a sleep. People try to be helpful and assure Fat Woman that her fitness will come back, but Fat Woman wonders how if she isn't free to go to the gym five times a week. Fat Woman lived doing no exercise for most of her life, and is terrified that she will end up feeling too tired to do anything again.

Tuesday, 1 July 2014

Fat Woman and the unexpected feeling

Personal Trainer always asks Fat Woman how she is at the start of sessions. Partly this is a courtesy, partly it is to check if any part of Fat Woman is broken. Usually Fat Woman says she is fine as there is no point in mentioning tiredness, DOMS, or general aches to Personal Trainer. Fat Woman gets far more sympathy if she is a big brave soldier, carries on and lets the bits that hurt show when she is working.

Fat Woman announced that she felt fat. Personal Trainer was rather taken aback by this. Fat Woman has always been very accepting of her fatness in a forthright way that Personal Trainer has always struggled with. Personal Trainer made gentle enquires as to whether this was down to what Fat Woman had been eating. Fat Woman shrugged it off and put some effort into her lifting to increase her calorie burn.

It turns out that Fat Woman was feeling fat because she was pregnant. Small Child is expected at the beginning of December. Personal Trainer will be godfather.