Saturday, 31 March 2012

Fat Woman meets the fit kids

Fat Woman went to her third Boxercise class. Fat Woman is attending by special invitation of Personal Trainer. Fat Woman is accompanied by Tiny Friend. Tiny Friend is a much better gym buddy than Not Thin Friend. Not Thin Friend is late to classes and has a fairly high rate of absence. Always with an excuse of course, but Fat Woman has reached the stage where she prefers not to put her health in the hands of others. Tiny Friend is very keen and has got Fat Woman to purchase her new gloves and pads. Fat Woman is flattered that her eBay shopping skills are receiving the recognition they deserve.

Personal Trainer had said there were a lot of very fit regulars at the class. Fat Woman did not find that to be the case in her first two weeks. There seems to be a small knot of people who know each other from over the longer term but they all come sporadically. In each class there were only a couple of very fit people. The rest were beginners. Fat Woman is not very fit but she has been doing pad work with Personal Trainer for three months now and can punch hard and accurately. Fat Woman still has lots of room for improvement but she is not a total novice and she can keep up on the boxing.

This week there were several supposed "regulars" whom Fat Woman had not seen before. Fat Woman has been rather spoiled by the people she has met at the gym so far. To an extent this is because Fat Woman has been protected by Personal Trainer and Swimming Coach. When Personal Trainer or Swimming Coach introduces Fat Woman as someone who is worth talking to then people look at Fat Woman in that way. In Aquarobics all the ladies are very friendly, mostly because they are older and more secure.

In the competitive environment of Boxercise (or BoxFit as Personal Trainer likes to call it) Fat Woman has been exposed to a new type of person. Fat Woman is not competitive in situations where she has no chance of winning, but she enjoys pushing herself to keep up. Fat Woman is no threat to anyone in situations where she is outclassed and in fact gets a lot out of them. Fat Woman has said before that she doesn't mind being patronised by knowledgeable people. Fat Woman is prepared to learn from anyone who is about to share knowledge. Genuinely accomplished people are a pleasure to learn from.

In Boxercise class Fat Woman found herself with some fit, knowledgeable people. Fat Woman also found out there were some people who weren't so knowledgeable. Unfortunately these people were unaware of this fact. They were very obviously comfortable with their status as "regulars". Fat Woman was particularly unimpressed with one young lady who appeared to make the classic mistake that a fat woman is lazy and stupid. Fat Woman can live with such assumptions, allowing them to change over time as people realise that Fat Woman is actually brilliant and quick. Fat Woman gets particularly irritated by people who project that they think they are superior to Fat Woman but who actually aren't as good as they think they are. Fat Woman thinks that if you are going to patronise her about how to do a combination you really ought to be able to do your half correctly. Fat Woman also thinks that if you are going to rush through an exercise at speed banging hard into someone else should make you realise you aren't doing it as well as you think you are. Fat Woman is firmly of the opinion that once is a mistake but twice is deliberate or selfish sloppiness and it should make you doubly apologetic.

Personal Trainer did not miss any of these interactions and told Fat Woman to "punch it out". Fat Woman smiled sweetly and kept her further opinions to herself. Fat Woman has resolved not to bitch about this incident to Personal Trainer but instead to keep working. Fat Woman is not confident that she could explain the flash of prejudice that she sees in the eyes of some people. In other areas of life when some thinks Fat Woman is sub-human, somehow worth less, they realise their mistake within minutes. In an environment where people are measuring physical fitness on a limited axis Fat Woman is admittedly near the bottom of the food chain.

Something has changed inside Fat Woman recently. Fat Woman feels determined and empowered. Fat Woman is going to eat her way up the food chain.

Tuesday, 27 March 2012

Fat Woman feasts visually

Fat Woman meant to go to Aquarobics this morning. Fat Woman goes to Aquarobics on Tuesday to get her over the Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness caused by meeting Personal Trainer on Monday. Fat Woman chases the anaesthetic effects of cardio.

Today, instead of enjoying forty-five fun minutes of water based dance movements Fat Woman was tapping her foot at home whilst waiting for the painter and decorator to arrive. Fat Woman thinks Painter/Decorator is lucky he's good at what he does or she would be Very Upset. Fat Woman dislikes lateness and thinks that in 2012 with the ubiquity of mobile telephones any failure to Let People Waiting Know is rude beyond belief.

Having failed to make Aquarobics, Fat Woman had to go into the gym for some cardio. Fat Woman has a walk with a friend on Tuesday afternoons so didn't want to do any treadmill work but managed 2k on the rowing machine and 4k on the stationary bike. Fat Woman likes intervals on the rower and pyramids on the bike, starting from 1 mph for a minute each and 80+ revolutions per minute. Fat Woman also hit the punch bag.  Personal Trainer has stopped treating Fat Woman with kid gloves and insists that she has to move around when punching the bag. Fat Woman has been promised he will provide tea and sympathy should she end up with a bloody nose.

Fat Woman was happy that her iPod had new music on. Fat Woman has worked out that it takes 40 pulls to carry her through 250m. Fat Woman closes her eyes and count pulls instead of watching the metres tick by on the console.

In her fifth interval Fat Woman opened her eyes and saw the most exceptionally gorgeous rear view of a man she has seen in a long time. Fat Woman is not a visually orientated person when it comes to the opposite sex so was greatly surprised by her mental reaction. In her head, Fat Woman exclaimed: "PHWOAR!" Fat Woman was taken aback by the utter gorgeousness of the gentleman in question.

Fat Woman was even more taken aback when the man turned around and she saw that she had in fact been admiring the rear of Swimming Coach.

Fat Woman feels that she has rather embarrassed herself. As a married Fat Woman does not think it seemly for her to be ogling young men. Fat Woman certainly doesn't want to embarrass or revolt any young men by being seen to "fancy" them.

Fat Woman has made a mental note to compliment Swimming Coach on how well the body building is working.

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Fat Woman does Boxercise

Fat Woman learned nothing from the spinning class debacle. When Personal Trainer invited Fat Woman to his Boxercise class and said she could bring a friend Fat Woman was again swayed by the privilege and the exclusivity of this offer. Fat Woman was delighted to share the advantage with a friend so it was with joy she trotted in to Boxercise on a Friday evening.

Personal Trainer had turned from the sweet young man Fat Woman sees on a Monday morning to a sergeant major. Fat Woman thought this was probably posturing, but wasn't totally sure and didn't want to risk being the person who landed the whole class with burpees so was extra quick in swapping gloves for pads.

Class started off with an instruction to form a line and jog on the spot. Fat Woman gave herself a stitch in a record 45 seconds. Fat Woman may be more capable than she was but jogging is still not something she has accomplished. After a moment of panic Fat Woman remembered she is in control of her own accommodations and switched to marching on the spot. Personal Trainer spotted this instantly of course but said nothing about it.

Fat Woman's accommodations were spotted and noted, most obviously by a young woman who spent the rest of the class copying Fat Woman's accommodations. When working with this young woman later Fat Woman had a revelation. Fat Woman is no longer a completely unfit person. In comparison to the innocent young woman who was much thinner but much less able to throw a punch, Fat Woman was an Olympic athlete. Well, someone who does triathlons anyway.

Fat Woman has had to take herself in hand and tell herself that if someone is even less fit that Fat Woman it doesn't necessarily mean that they are one step away from incapacity. Fat Woman put on her sympathetic attitude and modified her punches when partnered with the unfit young woman. It was a great relief when Personal Trainer pulled Fat Woman out for her turn at hitting the pads with him and she could stop going pap-pap-pap-pap and go back to her usual BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM!

Personal Trainer made an extra effort to encourage Fat Woman. Fat Woman felt like Teacher's Pet by the end of the session. Fat Woman thinks she would prefer to be useless in anonymity, but doesn't want Personal Trainer to feel his efforts were unappreciated.

Fat Woman late explained to Personal Trainer that she would not have gone to Boxercise if she had known that it involved so much mat work. Fat Woman's knees and back do not like mat work or even constant getting up and down. That is the reason why Fat Woman pays extra for Tai Chi lessons instead of taking one of the yoga or pilates classes the gym provides for free.

Personal Trainer said he was aware of this and that is why he didn't tell Fat Woman. Fat Woman thinks Personal Trainer is a cheeky young pup.

Fat Woman got through Boxercise and actually rather enjoyed it. One attendee said it was tougher than boot camp. Fat Woman doubts that but allows that will depend on how fit you are and which exercises you are fit at. Fat Woman is not going anywhere where people shout at you for real. Personal Trainer may try and be shouty in class but actually he is rather like a Pit Bull puppy barking at a visitor.

Fat Woman felt no ill effects from Boxercise until Sunday. A mysterious pain appeared across Fat Woman's abdomen. Fat Woman realised that despite all the abdominal work she had done (admittedly not a huge amount) that sit ups require muscle strength in a direction she obviously hasn't used before. Ever. Fat Woman wonders if the pain she experienced was similar to the one after giving birth. Fat Woman can't believe that Personal Trainer invited her to Boxercise over a month ago. Fat Woman would have died on the mats.

Personal Trainer said Fat Woman did very well in class. Fat Woman thinks he means she didn't run away crying. Fat Woman certainly didn't excel at the situps or planks. However, it was her first time doing them.

Fat Woman is going back to Boxercise on Friday evening. This is partly because Fat Woman said she would and partly because her Mother-in-Law is visiting. Boxercise is not that hard.

Monday, 19 March 2012

Fat Woman has to chose

Fat Woman invited her mother-in-law to stay. Thin Husband never wants to invite his mother to stay although he likes it when she arrives. Fat Woman has to take responsibility for inviting the mother-in-law therefore facilitating Thin Husband's relationship with his mother.

Fat Woman belongs to a choir that meets on Tuesday evenings. It is the one activity Fat Woman does that is unrelated to exercise. Fat Woman has a busy life right now. Most of Fat Woman's life is filled with exercise, personal trainers, travelling to and from the gym, getting washed and changed, washing gym kit etc. The rest of Fat Woman's life seems to be meal planning, shopping and cooking, plus assorted domestic chores.

Thin Husband's mother arrives at lunch time on Friday and leaves at lunchtime on Monday. Since booking this visit Fat Woman has:
(1) Boxercise class (with friend) on Friday evening
(2) Personal Trainer on Monday morning
(3) Choir rehearsal on Sunday afternoon.

Fat Woman believes that visitors are sacred and should be prioritised. After all, Fat Woman did invite her mother-in-law well in advance. Fat Woman also made a commitment to her choir. However Fat Woman also made a commitment to herself. Only today Fat Woman sat down with Personal Trainer and agreed a weight loss goal of 12lb in the next four weeks plus some large distance targets.

Fat Woman is resentful that she has to chose. If Thin Husband was different Fat Woman wouldn't worry about leaving him alone with his own mother, but Fat Woman knows that he can miss signals and be a little clueless at times. As Fat Woman's mother-in-law comes to stay once every three years Fat Woman feels very obliged to honour that commitment. Yet Choir Director says it's "critical" that everyone attends. Oh, and the photographs will be taken then. Photographs that once again Fat Woman won't be in.

Fat Woman is inclined to choose training over anything else right now. Yet again, Fat Woman feels incredibly selfish in choosing herself over pleasing others. Fat Woman is starting to develop a centre of angry coated in tough. For her entire life Fat Woman has been made to feel lazy and unacceptable because she was fat and unfit. Now Fat Woman is changing that.  That change is the most important thing to Fat Woman.

Fat Woman is sacrificing a whole year of her life on the altar of her health aims. Fat Woman isn't going to compromise that without a damn good reason. Being part of the choir isn't a good enough reason.

Sunday, 18 March 2012

Fat Woman eats emotionally

Today is Mothering Sunday in the United Kingdom. This is relevant to Fat Woman because she lives in the United Kingdom. Sadly, the festival itself is no longer relevant to Fat Woman as her mother is dead.Fat Woman is not a mother either, although Fat Woman is not currently sad about this.

Fat Woman is sad that her mother is dead. Fat Woman's mother died in November 2009. Fat Woman had the most wonderful mother in the world, ever, and hasn't yet seen anything to change her view on that. Fat Woman's mother loved her and supported her and never made Fat Girl feel anything other than beautiful and interesting and unconditionally accepted. Fat Woman's mother made Fat Woman the strong, happy, mentally healthy woman that she is today. Fat Woman's mother read "I'm Okay, You're Okay" before Fat Woman was born and applied its teachings to Fat Woman's early years. Either the principles outlined worked beautifully or Fat Woman is a complete narcissist.

Fat Woman's mother was a fat child in the 1950s. Consequently Fat Woman's mother had a few food issues. In her 20s Fat Woman spent some time shaking these off. Fat Woman's mother would use the ritual of sweet food as a device for affection, love and comfort. Fat Woman likes a ceremony and would much prefer an hour or two looking forward to a custard doughnut than simply being offered one and eating it if she were hungry so would play the game. Today it would be entirely appropriate for Fat Woman to take to her bed with a very large bar of Green & Black's milk chocolate and eat the whole thing whilst crying over the loss of her wonderful, beloved mother.

Fat Woman doesn't want any chocolate right now. Fat Woman has lost the part of her which thinks that eating is a good way of staving off pain, or possibly distracting oneself until the painful moment has passed. Fat Woman doesn't even want to reward herself for being so damn strong all the time. Fat Woman is mentally reaching for the crutch of food only to find it gone. Fat Woman is finding it unbelievable that she ever thought food would help with anything, apart from being hungry.

Today Fat Woman misses disordered eating habits. Fat Woman thinks that's rather sad. Fat Woman has seen too much advertising and feels she ought to be seeking solace in a tub of ice-cream instead of her 220 calorie organic oat and nut bar. Fat Woman is feeling a failure because she isn't failing.

Fat Woman is so cross at being the target of mixed messages that she isn't even going to open the box of chocolates that just happened to be given to her today. Fat Woman would rather be cross than depressed.

Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Fat Woman does Zumba

Ditch the workout, join the party!  (Zumba advert)

Fat Woman didn't actually want to ditch her workout because she has invested a lot of time (and money) in working with Personal Trainer. Fat Woman enjoys her workouts and has no intention of giving them up. Fat Woman has also been to some pretty dubious parties.

Fat Woman has a Not Thin Friend who has been attending the Beginners Zumba class at the gym. Fat Woman agreed to accompany Not Thin Friend on the grounds that if the ultra-uncoordinated Not Thin Friend could manage Zumba so could she. So although Fat Woman didn't totally buy in to the promises of fun and frolic made by the pedlars of Zumba DVDs she was hopeful that a Zumba class would be cheerful and uplifting with lots of energy and smiles.

Fat Woman has no idea that is was possible to make dancing such a tedious experience.

The only class Fat Woman has been taking at the gym has been Aquarobics. The Aquarobics class is full of friendly ladies who chat and have coffee afterwards. The aquarobics instructor is dynamic and funny and instructs, correcting them if they have things very obviously wrong, and interacting with the class. Fat Woman likes Aquarobics so much that she will get out of bed for it on the day after seeing Personal Trainer. The fact that Fat Woman gets out of bed at all on the day after seeing Personal Trainer is still a wonder to Fat Woman, but as stated many times before Personal Trainer looks after Fat Woman and only gives her so much punishment. Personal Trainer is also cheerful, energetic and engaging.

The instructor for Beginners Zumba does not engage with anyone, except perhaps her reflection in the mirror. Zumba Girl (as Fat Woman has disrespectfully tagged the instructor) doesn't know the name of anyone. Nor does she speak to anyone individually. Following the instructor's lead there is minimal chat over water breaks, and even minimal smiling between attendees. Zumba Girl looks in the mirror for nearly all of class. Each week Zumba Girl walks the class through the major parts of the routines and then dances the routine. There is no rehearsal, the class is expected to copy Zumba Girl and try again next week. Fat Woman is happy with the walk throughs, but there are quite a few movements which are not explained. Fat Woman is under the impression that the way attendees are expected to learn is by attending week after week after week. Fat Woman thinks the instructor could be replaced by a 45 minute instructional DVD.

Fat Woman has a good sense of rhythm and loves music. Fat Woman is still over 300lb and as a consequence is very slow in moving. Fat Woman is feeling a little better now her wobbliest and most outlying regions have disappeared but is still an elephant in a room full of chihuahuas. Fat Woman counts herself as lucky that she has cast iron self-confidence and is happy to make accommodations for herself without feeling crushed. Fat Woman suspects that a couple of the new people attending this week were not so lucky.

The Zumba routines taught by Zumba Girl are not the simply step-step routine shown on the Official Zumba Website. Zumba Girl teaches routines requiring you to be constantly bouncing on the balls of your feet. Official Zumba videos show people moving one foot forward and back. Zumba Girl starts on the other foot, switches weight once the second foot is moved and then bounces back. Double bounces are frequently required. This makes the workout much more energetic but also more difficult for Fat Woman. Fat Woman modifies the workout, leaving out the arm movements until she gets the steps right.

Fat Woman is also disappointed by the lack of South American gentlemen but suspects that was just marketing puff.

Fat Woman has attended two Zumba sessions and definitely made progress at the second lesson. Fat Woman has found a nice place to stand where she can see the instructor but is also behind two quite competent people, one of whom always gets the moves right. Fat Woman thinks keeping in time with the music is good for her speed requirements so will go to class again next week, but only because the class is a useful warm up for a proper gym workout with weights and is nominally more interesting than a treadmill session.

Fat Woman knows that Personal Trainer is way too professional to laugh at a client doing exercise but thinks he would be forgiven a private snigger if he observed Fat Woman in Zumba action. Zumba class is held in a mirrored studio so Fat Woman has a visual reminder of how inelegant and hefty she is in comparison to the slight women in front of her.

After Zumba class Fat Woman went and played with the kettlebells and felt like she'd had a proper workout.


Saturday, 10 March 2012

Fat Woman puts on weight

Fat Woman weighed in today. Fat Woman was not surprised to see that the scales showed 1lb increase in weight since last week. This is not because Fat Woman has been eating all the pies, oh no! Fat Woman has been eating quinoa and vegetables and just one double-filled Oreo cookie. Fat Woman did consider the possibility that the single double-filled Oreo cookie had magical fattening powers. This would explain the obesity epidemic in the USA. Innocent Americans would eat what they thought was a safe, traditional snack and find that each cookie gained them a pound. The introduction of the Oreo brand into the UK coincides with the growth of obesity. Coincidence? Fat Woman thinks so.

Fat Woman weighs in on a Friday. Fat Woman has an online diet scheme she is happy with. Like a gazillion women in the Western world, Fat Woman stands on the scales and then records her progress on the website.

Today Fat Woman stood on the scales expecting to see a significant drop. Fat Woman has done LOTS of exercise without increasing her calories. Fat Woman was shooting for 3lb in a week. This may see like a large amount but Fat Woman is eating 1800 calories a day for six days each week and is never hungry or without food. Fat Woman has managed to lose 2lb each week quite comfortably since December 2011. Fat Woman lost 3lb when she switched her exercise up to 8 hours per week instead of four. Fat Woman thinks of this as:

  • 1lb through a diet deficit of 500 calories
  • 1lb through exercise with Personal Trainer plus 3 hours more
  • 0.5-1lb through the next 4 hours of exercise.

Fat Woman considered doing more exercise but thinks that more than ten hours each week is getting slightly obsessive for her at this stage. Fat Woman currently finds it hard to do two consecutive hours of exercise, or even two hours in a day. Eight hours spread across six days is achievable for Fat Woman right now.

Fat Woman has been so damn perfect this last week that the scales should have shown her 2lb loss. Fat Woman is a little tired of all bumf written about dieting which never talks about what happens when you ar doing everything right but things are going wrong. Certainly they never talk about the emotional impact of seeing your weight go up when it should go down.

Fat Woman even went back and weighed herself again before breakfast but after a bathroom break. The extra step meant Fat Woman only had one extra pound to deal with.

Fat Woman is wondering if it's possible her knickers and socks could weigh an entire pound. That was what she was wearing the second time. Fat Woman thinks not.

For the first time ever Fat Woman is suffering noticeably from pre-menstrual "water retention". Fat Woman thinks this is more likely than the stock response of "perhaps you're turning fat into muscle". Fat Woman may well be turning her fat into muscle but sincerely hopes not all of it because that would make her look like The Rock.

Fat Woman is giving the scales five days to show her weight loss. If it doesn't happen then it's back to the doctor to check her thyroid levels. 

Friday, 9 March 2012

Fat Woman is injured

Fat Woman isn't really injured. Fat Woman had a severe case of Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness this week. It was caused by Swimming Coach. As Personal Trainer was away skiing Fat Woman asked Swimming Coach to train her on Monday. Swimming Coach made Fat Woman do more than 300 squats/squat-like movements. Fat Woman has been hurting the rest of the week.

Fat Woman has been used to aching after strength training. This week Fat Woman has hurt every single day. This ache was the hardest Fat Woman has felt since she went for a 4.5 mile walk. For the record, Fat Woman had no intention of going on a four mile walk. Fat Woman was told it was a two and a half mile walk. Fat Woman ached badly in the thigh for days after that outing.

Fat Woman has been hurting so much that every time she stood up or sat down she would make some kind of strangled noise. Alone in the house Fat Woman would say "ow! ow! ow! ow!" when going up or down the stairs. Fat Woman took cocodamol and ibuprofen, but they didn't take the pain away completely.

Swimming coach admitted that Fat Woman did slightly more than was optimal. Fat Woman is missing Personal Trainer's nurturing like crazy. Swimming Coach says he likes it when people complain. Fat Woman doesn't like to complain. Fat Woman likes to work very hard at a slightly lower level. This allows her to do other activities throughout the week. Fat Woman still gets DOMS but not so badly that she feels miserable all the time.

Fat Woman feels Swimming Coach made a mistake in not listening to her when she begged him to stop. Fat Woman think Swimming Coach knows he made a mistake but will not say so. Fat Woman admits that she didn't put her food down and say she wouldn't, but she doesn't believe this level of DOMS is normal or desirable.

Fat Woman is (a) still miserable even though it's now Friday (b) missing Personal Trainer quite a lot (c) really fed up with Swimming Coach.

Fat Woman is going to make Personal Trainer some brownies and not give any to Swimming Coach. So there.

Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Fat Woman is punished

Fat Woman is being punished for her infidelity to Personal Trainer. Fat Woman has Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness of such magnitude that 400mg ibuprofen plus 30mg/500mg cocodamol are not stopping the pain.

Fat Woman is going back to bed to think about what she has done.

Monday, 5 March 2012

Fat Woman is unfaithful

Today Fat Woman was unfaithful to Personal Trainer.

Personal Trainer is somewhere in Austria enjoying fresh snow and a week off. Fat Woman had intended to wait for Personal Trainer, but she couldn't bear it, even for a week. Despite Personal Trainer being away for one session and despite him training Fat Woman the day before he left, Fat Woman sought training with another man. Yes, Fat Woman trained with a colleague of Personal Trainer's in the same place where she trains with Personal Trainer. They even used some of the same equipment and trained at Personal Trainer's usual time to see Fat Woman. Other colleagues of Personal Trainer's saw them. Fat Woman was brazenly training with the man usually referred to as Swimming Coach. Fat Woman wanted his attention and she took it.

Fat Woman has no excuse to offer for her inability to wait other than that she is trying to form a habit and didn't want to break the pattern at this early stage. Fat Woman thought this would justify her infidelity. Personal Trainer knew that Fat Woman had a relationship with Swimming Coach and that this might happen. Fat Woman felt that if Personal Trainer isn't there for her she is entitled to seek support from other sources. Fat Woman had any number of justifications for her little venture.

Like many of those who participate in activities outside their relationship, Fat Woman now appreciates Personal Trainer a bit more. Perhaps she had been taken him for granted. Certainly Personal Trainer never made Fat Woman do 300 squats/wall presses/leg presses/squat combinations in a single hour. Swimming Coach may have presented Fat Woman with a professional looking plan on headed paper and he may have bought her a cup of white tea after their session, but Fat Woman knows that these are simply trappings.

This afternoon Fat Woman went back to bed to think about what she had done. Fat Woman has resolved to work harder in sessions with Personal Trainer. Fat Woman hopes that her relationship with Personal Trainer will be freshened by her little sojurn with another.

Fat Woman is now paying for the fun she had with another through severe thigh ache.

Saturday, 3 March 2012

Fat Woman talks fat fashion (UK)

Fat Woman lives in the UK. You can probably tell this from her spelling.

Getting clothes as a fat woman isn't hard in the UK. Thanks to the Internet Fat Woman has never been unable to get something she needed within a week.

Fat Woman is an Evans Gold Card holder. Evans is the leading UK retailer. For years Evans was the only place a fat woman could buy clothes at chain store prices. Fat Girl would be taken by her mother in the vague hope of finding something which wasn't covered in sequins or suitable for a cruise.

Thankfully those years are long gone. Evans is now a fashionable retailer selling UK sizes 14-32. Fat Woman has been impressed with the Evans range over the past year. Fat Woman has bought several gorgeous pieces of clothing which are flattering and on season. Fat Woman would like to congratulate the Evans buyer who must be new because for years Fat Woman could rarely find a top with sleeves. Fat Woman HATES cap sleeves. It is bad enough having upper arms that remind onlookers of a Christmas leg of gammon without wearing something with unflattering cap sleeves.

Fat Woman has been disappointed with the workout clothes (or "leisurewear" as they call it) in Evans this year. Fat Woman has had to go elsewhere for her clothes. Here for the ladies up size 30/32 are Fat Woman's sources for gym wear.

Fat Woman has wide feet. Fat Woman thinks she has genetically wide feet rather than simply fat feet. Fat Woman's father has extremely wide feet. Being fat doesn't help though.

Fat Woman bought New Balance Trainers from Fat Woman does not regret the money she spent on them. Fat Woman is considering a second pair because they are so comfortable. These trainers go up to 6E. That's EEEEEE. Fat Woman would like to reward the company with this link: the best online shop selling wide fitting shoes and wide fitting trainers.

You need a fleece for walking outdoors and for the start of your gym session before you warm up. Fat Woman has a lovely fleece from Lands End. It is warm and soft and much, much nicer than the £5 fleece she got in the Ann Harvey sale. Lands End also do other gym wear, but their fleeces need a special "good value" mention.

If you are a fat woman who shops for clothes on the Internet you will have found that Simply Be/Ambrose Wilson/JD Williams/Fifty Plus and at least another dozen sites all have the same products. So far as Fat Woman can tell this is a clever marketing ploy as all the prices seem to be the same across the board. Some sites do have different ranges, but the basics such as stretchy trousers for gym wear are all the same. Fat Woman likes the large choice and the budget prices.

Fat Women bought so many t-shirts in Evans over the years she will never need another one. Fat Woman used to get more of her clothes from Ann Harvey but she is annoyed that her local branch stopped stocking size 30.

An honourable mention must got  to Yours. Prices are cheap, high street stores stock large sizes.

Friday, 2 March 2012

Fat Woman loses it

Today Fat Woman swore at Personal Trainer. Fat Woman is very ashamed of herself.

Fat Woman also hit Personal Trainer. Fat Woman flicked a small towel at Personal Trainer and it hit him across the ear. Fat Woman didn't expect to actually hit Personal Trainer, but admits she really wanted to at that time. Fat Woman has always said that you are safer if she is aiming at you. This was the towel Personal Trainer was refusing to pass to Fat Woman on the grounds that it was sweaty. Fat Woman acknowledges she had wiped her face with it earlier, but she had used a clean towel once and wouldn't have had any problem passing one to someone else. Fat Woman told Personal Trainer to leave the towel and she would pick it up herself. Fat Woman finished her set but Personal Trainer kept on going "ew!" and then did eventually throw the towel. Fat Woman wonders why he didn't just say "I can't do that" or even "You can stop."

Fat Woman hates people who can't control themselves and resort to violence. Personal Trainer was being rather childish and Fat Woman went straight back into a similar child role. Fat Woman should know better. Personal Trainer was being aggravating and Fat Woman took the bait. Fat Woman gives Personal Trainer all the power in the gym and it made her cross that he was misusing it. Fat Woman is an only child and is not used to certain sorts of teasing. Fat Woman has spent many years learning to control her temper, to not react or hit out. Personal Trainer is the first person in more than ten years to make Fat Woman snap like that.

Fat Woman is concerned about transference. Personal Trainer asked Fat Woman to do several new things. Fat Woman thinks possibly that she was taking her fear and channelling it at Personal Trainer. Fat Woman has to acknowledge that she is scared of walking up steep gradients, or doing anything which might her her knees. Personal Trainer asked Fat Woman to do that several times today. Fat Woman wasn't comfortable. Fat Woman felt Personal Trainer was pushing her. Fat Woman resisted. Fat Woman did what Personal Trainer asked, but not without protest. That makes two protesting weeks in a row.

Fat Woman isn't sure what is up with her. Fat Woman is training with Swimming Coach on Monday and will be looking out for problems. Fat Woman knows what was up with Personal Trainer - he broke up with his girlfriend at the weekend. Fat Woman wasn't surprised because he described her as "High maintenance".

Fat Woman and the magic digital watch

Fat Woman's new digital watch has made her laps of the pool slower.

Swimming Coach wrote down times for each lap of the 20m pool including rest times. Fat Woman did the routine and was happy with it. Fat Woman wore her new digital watch in the pool to time the laps. Fat Woman then found out the times on her nicely laminated sheet were aspirational.

Fat Woman is discouraged :-(

Thursday, 1 March 2012

Fat Woman eats NOTHING

Fat Woman ate NOTHING after her workout. The reason for this is that the gym café has NOTHING that fits with Fat Woman's low calorie, low GI, wholefood diet. Not even a banana or an apple. Those sell out first.

Fat Woman does not want to eat high sugar processed "snack" bars or drink sugary drinks or have anything with whey protein added to it. Fat Woman wants a low GI cereal bar from Dorset Cereals bar Eat Natural. Fat Woman doesn't even want an enormous glass of orange juice which would be five portions according to her eating plan.

Fat Woman realises this is a trap. People work out, then spend their "earned" calories on a chocolate bar or a smoothie. The trap keeps the gym in business because people never meet their goals.

Fat Woman thinks it would be better if the gym had some healthy alternatives so people who are following an eating plan can still buy something from the café. Fat Woman has taken to bringing something with her so that when she is mind boggled from low blood sugar she can eat. Fat Woman often needs to eat before getting in the car and driving home. In fact every scratch on Fat Woman's car happened when she needed to eat.

Fat Woman is having a hard time communicating with the café management. Apparently the woman who does the ordering is the same woman who moans that she "gets what they send her."

Fat Woman is going to eat her banana and wait for someone to moan at her. There is less chance of someone being cross with Fat Woman for bringing her own fruit than there is of Personal Trainer popping up and mentioning just how devoid of nutritional value whatever she has just ordered is. If Fat Woman ever gets really cross with Personal Trainer she's going to go to the bar and order two smoothies right in front of him. And drink them both.

Possibly that would be a bit like smoking more to show the Government raising the duty on cigarettes won't stop you. But it's a nice thought.