Saturday, 10 March 2012

Fat Woman puts on weight

Fat Woman weighed in today. Fat Woman was not surprised to see that the scales showed 1lb increase in weight since last week. This is not because Fat Woman has been eating all the pies, oh no! Fat Woman has been eating quinoa and vegetables and just one double-filled Oreo cookie. Fat Woman did consider the possibility that the single double-filled Oreo cookie had magical fattening powers. This would explain the obesity epidemic in the USA. Innocent Americans would eat what they thought was a safe, traditional snack and find that each cookie gained them a pound. The introduction of the Oreo brand into the UK coincides with the growth of obesity. Coincidence? Fat Woman thinks so.

Fat Woman weighs in on a Friday. Fat Woman has an online diet scheme she is happy with. Like a gazillion women in the Western world, Fat Woman stands on the scales and then records her progress on the website.

Today Fat Woman stood on the scales expecting to see a significant drop. Fat Woman has done LOTS of exercise without increasing her calories. Fat Woman was shooting for 3lb in a week. This may see like a large amount but Fat Woman is eating 1800 calories a day for six days each week and is never hungry or without food. Fat Woman has managed to lose 2lb each week quite comfortably since December 2011. Fat Woman lost 3lb when she switched her exercise up to 8 hours per week instead of four. Fat Woman thinks of this as:

  • 1lb through a diet deficit of 500 calories
  • 1lb through exercise with Personal Trainer plus 3 hours more
  • 0.5-1lb through the next 4 hours of exercise.

Fat Woman considered doing more exercise but thinks that more than ten hours each week is getting slightly obsessive for her at this stage. Fat Woman currently finds it hard to do two consecutive hours of exercise, or even two hours in a day. Eight hours spread across six days is achievable for Fat Woman right now.

Fat Woman has been so damn perfect this last week that the scales should have shown her 2lb loss. Fat Woman is a little tired of all bumf written about dieting which never talks about what happens when you ar doing everything right but things are going wrong. Certainly they never talk about the emotional impact of seeing your weight go up when it should go down.

Fat Woman even went back and weighed herself again before breakfast but after a bathroom break. The extra step meant Fat Woman only had one extra pound to deal with.

Fat Woman is wondering if it's possible her knickers and socks could weigh an entire pound. That was what she was wearing the second time. Fat Woman thinks not.

For the first time ever Fat Woman is suffering noticeably from pre-menstrual "water retention". Fat Woman thinks this is more likely than the stock response of "perhaps you're turning fat into muscle". Fat Woman may well be turning her fat into muscle but sincerely hopes not all of it because that would make her look like The Rock.

Fat Woman is giving the scales five days to show her weight loss. If it doesn't happen then it's back to the doctor to check her thyroid levels. 

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