Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Fat Woman does Boxercise

Fat Woman learned nothing from the spinning class debacle. When Personal Trainer invited Fat Woman to his Boxercise class and said she could bring a friend Fat Woman was again swayed by the privilege and the exclusivity of this offer. Fat Woman was delighted to share the advantage with a friend so it was with joy she trotted in to Boxercise on a Friday evening.

Personal Trainer had turned from the sweet young man Fat Woman sees on a Monday morning to a sergeant major. Fat Woman thought this was probably posturing, but wasn't totally sure and didn't want to risk being the person who landed the whole class with burpees so was extra quick in swapping gloves for pads.

Class started off with an instruction to form a line and jog on the spot. Fat Woman gave herself a stitch in a record 45 seconds. Fat Woman may be more capable than she was but jogging is still not something she has accomplished. After a moment of panic Fat Woman remembered she is in control of her own accommodations and switched to marching on the spot. Personal Trainer spotted this instantly of course but said nothing about it.

Fat Woman's accommodations were spotted and noted, most obviously by a young woman who spent the rest of the class copying Fat Woman's accommodations. When working with this young woman later Fat Woman had a revelation. Fat Woman is no longer a completely unfit person. In comparison to the innocent young woman who was much thinner but much less able to throw a punch, Fat Woman was an Olympic athlete. Well, someone who does triathlons anyway.

Fat Woman has had to take herself in hand and tell herself that if someone is even less fit that Fat Woman it doesn't necessarily mean that they are one step away from incapacity. Fat Woman put on her sympathetic attitude and modified her punches when partnered with the unfit young woman. It was a great relief when Personal Trainer pulled Fat Woman out for her turn at hitting the pads with him and she could stop going pap-pap-pap-pap and go back to her usual BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM!

Personal Trainer made an extra effort to encourage Fat Woman. Fat Woman felt like Teacher's Pet by the end of the session. Fat Woman thinks she would prefer to be useless in anonymity, but doesn't want Personal Trainer to feel his efforts were unappreciated.

Fat Woman late explained to Personal Trainer that she would not have gone to Boxercise if she had known that it involved so much mat work. Fat Woman's knees and back do not like mat work or even constant getting up and down. That is the reason why Fat Woman pays extra for Tai Chi lessons instead of taking one of the yoga or pilates classes the gym provides for free.

Personal Trainer said he was aware of this and that is why he didn't tell Fat Woman. Fat Woman thinks Personal Trainer is a cheeky young pup.

Fat Woman got through Boxercise and actually rather enjoyed it. One attendee said it was tougher than boot camp. Fat Woman doubts that but allows that will depend on how fit you are and which exercises you are fit at. Fat Woman is not going anywhere where people shout at you for real. Personal Trainer may try and be shouty in class but actually he is rather like a Pit Bull puppy barking at a visitor.

Fat Woman felt no ill effects from Boxercise until Sunday. A mysterious pain appeared across Fat Woman's abdomen. Fat Woman realised that despite all the abdominal work she had done (admittedly not a huge amount) that sit ups require muscle strength in a direction she obviously hasn't used before. Ever. Fat Woman wonders if the pain she experienced was similar to the one after giving birth. Fat Woman can't believe that Personal Trainer invited her to Boxercise over a month ago. Fat Woman would have died on the mats.

Personal Trainer said Fat Woman did very well in class. Fat Woman thinks he means she didn't run away crying. Fat Woman certainly didn't excel at the situps or planks. However, it was her first time doing them.

Fat Woman is going back to Boxercise on Friday evening. This is partly because Fat Woman said she would and partly because her Mother-in-Law is visiting. Boxercise is not that hard.

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