Sunday, 18 March 2012

Fat Woman eats emotionally

Today is Mothering Sunday in the United Kingdom. This is relevant to Fat Woman because she lives in the United Kingdom. Sadly, the festival itself is no longer relevant to Fat Woman as her mother is dead.Fat Woman is not a mother either, although Fat Woman is not currently sad about this.

Fat Woman is sad that her mother is dead. Fat Woman's mother died in November 2009. Fat Woman had the most wonderful mother in the world, ever, and hasn't yet seen anything to change her view on that. Fat Woman's mother loved her and supported her and never made Fat Girl feel anything other than beautiful and interesting and unconditionally accepted. Fat Woman's mother made Fat Woman the strong, happy, mentally healthy woman that she is today. Fat Woman's mother read "I'm Okay, You're Okay" before Fat Woman was born and applied its teachings to Fat Woman's early years. Either the principles outlined worked beautifully or Fat Woman is a complete narcissist.

Fat Woman's mother was a fat child in the 1950s. Consequently Fat Woman's mother had a few food issues. In her 20s Fat Woman spent some time shaking these off. Fat Woman's mother would use the ritual of sweet food as a device for affection, love and comfort. Fat Woman likes a ceremony and would much prefer an hour or two looking forward to a custard doughnut than simply being offered one and eating it if she were hungry so would play the game. Today it would be entirely appropriate for Fat Woman to take to her bed with a very large bar of Green & Black's milk chocolate and eat the whole thing whilst crying over the loss of her wonderful, beloved mother.

Fat Woman doesn't want any chocolate right now. Fat Woman has lost the part of her which thinks that eating is a good way of staving off pain, or possibly distracting oneself until the painful moment has passed. Fat Woman doesn't even want to reward herself for being so damn strong all the time. Fat Woman is mentally reaching for the crutch of food only to find it gone. Fat Woman is finding it unbelievable that she ever thought food would help with anything, apart from being hungry.

Today Fat Woman misses disordered eating habits. Fat Woman thinks that's rather sad. Fat Woman has seen too much advertising and feels she ought to be seeking solace in a tub of ice-cream instead of her 220 calorie organic oat and nut bar. Fat Woman is feeling a failure because she isn't failing.

Fat Woman is so cross at being the target of mixed messages that she isn't even going to open the box of chocolates that just happened to be given to her today. Fat Woman would rather be cross than depressed.

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