Fat Woman suffered the food police over Christmas. Not the overt kind of food police, who are easily dealt with when they stick their big noses in, but the undercover kind. The undercover food police are aware of what you are eating in the same way a stalker is aware of your every movement; it's unnatural and unhealthy and very disturbing when you realise it. You might not realise it whilst they are keeping watch but eventually they can't resist giving themselves away, because they need to feel superior, and part of that is making you feel inferior. Fat Woman views food policing as a kind of bullying and has never seen it used for good.
Fat Woman had said she was sorry, the only fruit she had in was seasonal fruits such as satsumas, she didn't have apples in the house because she doesn't usually eat a lot of fruit as it's a bit high in natural sugar. Food Policeman gave a nasty little laugh and asked how that fitted in with eating chocolate. Fat Woman snapped back that she doesn't usually have chocolate in the house either. Food Policeman retreated for the time being, but had given away the fact that (1) they were aware of what Fat Woman had eaten and (2) they had views about what Fat Woman should be eating.
Fat Woman hates being defensive about what she eats, but if she is honest she hadn't eaten that much, having been careful to eat enough but not lots at meals and having allowed herself only a very few treats. Fat Woman wasn't denying herself though, there had been at least four chocolates that day, and denial was what the Food Policeman wanted to see, that Fat Woman was punishing herself for her moral failing of fatness. Between this and the horrified cry of "More food?!" every time Fat Woman put out a scheduled meal - and all scheduled feedings were run on a help yourself basis, not presented as a serving or plated - Fat Woman had had quite enough of Food Policeman by Boxing Day evening and was goaded into playing "I'm better than you because I can go longer without eating". There was only supper on Boxing Day because Thin Husband declared he was hungry and offered some. Food Policeman was forced to admit that actually they did need to eat after all. Fat Woman didn't say anything.
Fat Woman does not have an eating disorder, but it's no thanks to people like Food Policeman. Fat Woman freely admits that she has issues with people who make her feel like she shouldn't be eating. Eating is a basic human need and to suggest that someone shouldn't be eating or isn't worthy of food is dehumanising in a terrible way. Fat Woman does not react kindly to people attempting to dehumanise her. When people stick their nose into Fat Woman's diet making Fat Woman feel that she shouldn't be eating, Fat Woman reacts by not eating enough at meals, which means she is terribly hungry later and is left trying to find extra food. This usually means that Fat Woman ends up eating more than she intended because its harded to find nutritionally balanced food on the go and if she doesn't eat the right kind of things Fat Woman is hungry more quickly.
Fat Woman doesn't have many holiday hills to die on but she isn't going to be made to feel uncomfortable about her basic human rights in her own home. Fat Woman anticipates a very small Christmas celebration next year.
Showing posts with label eating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label eating. Show all posts
Saturday, 28 December 2013
Monday, 4 February 2013
Fat Woman and the untaken hint
Fat Woman was not at her sunny best in the morning. Not only was Fat Woman's back hurting, she had slept unusually badly, dreaming on being bitten by a spider. Internet research initially suggested an enemy or a betrayal, but further investigation suggested conflict with your inner psyche. Fat Woman will go with this as she has killed all her enemies and the only person up for betraying her in anything is Swimming Coach and Fat Woman is not giving him the chance.
So when Personal Trainer bounced up in an inordinately full-of-beans manner Fat Woman was rather taken aback. Fat Woman didn't realise quite how witchy she was feeling until Personal Trainer ramped up the cheeriness and then enquired as to how she was. Fat Woman said she would be fine twenty minutes into session when the mood-lifting effects of exercise took effect.
Personal Trainer waited until 40 minutes into session to ask Fat Woman what she had for breakfast. Fat Woman HATES this question. Fat Woman has no problem discussing what she has been eating but the what-did-you-have-for-breakfast question is a screwdriver that Personal Trainer uses to prise the lid off her diet so he can start the game of constant improvement. Fat Woman does not like people critiquing what she eats; it gives her flashbacks to being Fat Girl and having ignorant and prejudiced people making unformed and simply wrong judgements about her diet. Fat Woman particularly remembers a church youth outing when everyone raised their hands wanting seconds but it was her that a youth leader singled out for a talk on gluttony. Fat Woman is prepared to discuss diet when she is prepared for it, such as when she presents a food diary, but she finds the only productive consideration is within defined parameters. There are so many opinions and views on what is "good" that it is pointless to open the conversation without stating what the priority values are. Is your priority to meet a calorie goal, to get a certain percentage of protein, to eat whole food, to avoid dairy/wheat/soy, to eat organic, to eat low GI?
Fat Woman has her own eating agenda and it includes eating mindfully. If Fat Woman isn't going to enjoy food she doesn't eat it. Reducing food to fuel isn't helpful to Fat Woman. Personal Trainer seems to feel differently at different times. So far as Fat Woman can tell Personal Trainer oscillates between eating everything before him (in the name of "bulking") or having an incredibly strict diet. Fat Woman has been very careful not to forbid herself anything and to have a slow but consistent weight loss programme, avoiding the boom and bust cycles of yo-yo dieting. So when Personal Trainer started wanting to talk about food Fat Woman did her best to shut him down. Fat Woman didn't protest the question - which she should have done because she has told Personal Trainer several times not to ask that specific question - because she hoped she could get the whole thing over with. Personal Trainer interrupted Fat Woman's answer to crow in triumph that she had answered immediately without protest. Fat Woman answered without hesitation because unlike last week when she had eaten protein pancakes without the protein but with maple syrup there wasn't really anything for Personal Trainer to criticise.
Fat Woman did point out to Personal Trainer that she didn't like the question and that he knew that. Personal Trainer asked if Fat Woman was going to ask him what he had for breakfast. Fat Woman said she wasn't. Personal Trainer asked why. Fat Woman said that she didn't care. Fat Woman doesn't care what anyone else eats and wishes they would not care what she eats.
Personal Trainer didn't care that Fat Woman didn't care what he ate for breakfast and described his five egg white omelette with blueberries. Fat Woman thought it sounded disgusting never mind nutritionally dodgy. Fat Woman was polite and asked if Personal Trainer was following a specific regime or just an eating style. Fat Woman has no respect for any weight loss programme that doesn't take into account calories consumed and is not willing to engage in conversation about diet with anyone who hasn't outlined their specific goals and parameters.
Fat Woman is going to have to talk to Personal Trainer about not bringing his attitude to food into her sessions. Personal Trainer should be talking to Fat Woman about her diet when he asked or when her end-of-month results suggest there is a problem. Fat Woman has got to her age without at eating disorder and isn't keen to pick up anyone else's.
So when Personal Trainer bounced up in an inordinately full-of-beans manner Fat Woman was rather taken aback. Fat Woman didn't realise quite how witchy she was feeling until Personal Trainer ramped up the cheeriness and then enquired as to how she was. Fat Woman said she would be fine twenty minutes into session when the mood-lifting effects of exercise took effect.
Personal Trainer waited until 40 minutes into session to ask Fat Woman what she had for breakfast. Fat Woman HATES this question. Fat Woman has no problem discussing what she has been eating but the what-did-you-have-for-breakfast question is a screwdriver that Personal Trainer uses to prise the lid off her diet so he can start the game of constant improvement. Fat Woman does not like people critiquing what she eats; it gives her flashbacks to being Fat Girl and having ignorant and prejudiced people making unformed and simply wrong judgements about her diet. Fat Woman particularly remembers a church youth outing when everyone raised their hands wanting seconds but it was her that a youth leader singled out for a talk on gluttony. Fat Woman is prepared to discuss diet when she is prepared for it, such as when she presents a food diary, but she finds the only productive consideration is within defined parameters. There are so many opinions and views on what is "good" that it is pointless to open the conversation without stating what the priority values are. Is your priority to meet a calorie goal, to get a certain percentage of protein, to eat whole food, to avoid dairy/wheat/soy, to eat organic, to eat low GI?
Fat Woman has her own eating agenda and it includes eating mindfully. If Fat Woman isn't going to enjoy food she doesn't eat it. Reducing food to fuel isn't helpful to Fat Woman. Personal Trainer seems to feel differently at different times. So far as Fat Woman can tell Personal Trainer oscillates between eating everything before him (in the name of "bulking") or having an incredibly strict diet. Fat Woman has been very careful not to forbid herself anything and to have a slow but consistent weight loss programme, avoiding the boom and bust cycles of yo-yo dieting. So when Personal Trainer started wanting to talk about food Fat Woman did her best to shut him down. Fat Woman didn't protest the question - which she should have done because she has told Personal Trainer several times not to ask that specific question - because she hoped she could get the whole thing over with. Personal Trainer interrupted Fat Woman's answer to crow in triumph that she had answered immediately without protest. Fat Woman answered without hesitation because unlike last week when she had eaten protein pancakes without the protein but with maple syrup there wasn't really anything for Personal Trainer to criticise.
Fat Woman did point out to Personal Trainer that she didn't like the question and that he knew that. Personal Trainer asked if Fat Woman was going to ask him what he had for breakfast. Fat Woman said she wasn't. Personal Trainer asked why. Fat Woman said that she didn't care. Fat Woman doesn't care what anyone else eats and wishes they would not care what she eats.
Personal Trainer didn't care that Fat Woman didn't care what he ate for breakfast and described his five egg white omelette with blueberries. Fat Woman thought it sounded disgusting never mind nutritionally dodgy. Fat Woman was polite and asked if Personal Trainer was following a specific regime or just an eating style. Fat Woman has no respect for any weight loss programme that doesn't take into account calories consumed and is not willing to engage in conversation about diet with anyone who hasn't outlined their specific goals and parameters.
Fat Woman is going to have to talk to Personal Trainer about not bringing his attitude to food into her sessions. Personal Trainer should be talking to Fat Woman about her diet when he asked or when her end-of-month results suggest there is a problem. Fat Woman has got to her age without at eating disorder and isn't keen to pick up anyone else's.
Saturday, 15 September 2012
Fat Woman and the larder
Fat Woman is a foodie. Fat Woman loves trying new food and really appreciates great quality food. This year Fat Woman is listing the trout, pigeon and pheasant provided by Personal Trainer alongside the freshly picked raspberries, courgettes and runner beans generously donated by friends with allotments as the best things to make their way into her kitchen. Fat Woman relies on friends with green fingers because the only things she can grow successfully is Jerusalem artichokes. Fat Woman was so pleased by her first crop of Jerusalem artichokes that she provided all her friends with some to eat and some to plant. Apparently, Jerusalem artichokes are the Japanese knotweed of the vegetable world and Fat Woman's name has been mentioned at the Allotment Owners Social, not in a good way. Fat Woman offsets her inability to grow produce by producing baked goods throughout the year, and turning large volumes of produce into preserves such as chutney. Fat Woman's kitchen is just recovering from her recent runner bean chutney efforts.
Fat Woman has a gorgeous kitchen if she says so herself. At the time of building both Fat Woman and Thin Husband worked in offices where they were surrounded by pale wood furniture. Thin Husband was insistent that he did not want his kitchen to look like his office. Fat Woman didn't think that a hand-carved oak farmhouse kitchen with granite worktops was going to bear much resemblance to Thin Husband's technology bunker, but when Thin Husband puts forth an opinion Fat Woman nurtures it as though it was a delicate seedling of some rare plant that appeared in the garden. Fat Woman's kitchen therefore has red cabinets with white counters and tiles with black and white checked floor. Fat Woman thought this was terribly stylish and a little bit 1950s Americana, although she became slightly less pleased with herself when the builder assured her that he now understood how the colour scheme was going to work because he'd seen the same thing at the weekend and it had worked really well. The stylish place using Fat Woman's combination of black-and-white diagonal squares with red was Burger King.
Fat Woman doesn't really care what her kitchen looks like, although she is terribly pleased with her vintage octagonal smoked glass table, which just completes the look, but she adores how marvellously well designed and functional the kitchen is. Fat Woman particularly loves what the builders called "the return" - the piece of counter sticking out into the room that separates the food preparation area from the dining area - and often stands there preparing dinner whilst chatting to friends.
The crown of the kitchen as far as Fat Woman is concerned is her larder. Fat Woman has a proper larder with vents leading directly to the outside. Visitors are often surprised to find an old-fashioned larder in a modern kitchen, or even to learn what a larder is. There isn't room to walk into Fat Woman's larder because it has modern pull-out baskets nearly all the way down.
Fat Woman likes to "turn over" parts of her home on a regular basis. This means that Fat Woman picks a location that needs some attention - the study booksheleves, the airing cupboard and her jewellery box have all gone through this process in the last year - and spends some time going through absolutely everything, weeding out damaged or unwanted items and putting everything back neatly. In order to make space for the latest batch of chutney Fat Woman found herself turning over the larder.
Fat Woman won't generally eat things past their "best before" dates. Fat Woman isn't a supertaster but she can tell when a can of something is past its BBF (Best BeFore for any pedants). Fat Woman has proved this ability in blind testing and has ruined too many dishes by thinking "it'll be okay" and remembers one particularly upsetting evening when she was so looking forward to a pancake with cherry pie filling and the pie filling had a metallic taste because it was a week past its BBF. To the frustration of elderly relatives Fat Woman simply won't eat stale food. Fat Woman spent far too many years of her life feeling guilty about needing to eat and now she has got over that she isn't going to risk developing food issues by forcing herself to eat things she doesn't need to. Fat Woman agrees that food past its BBF isn't going to kill her, but she also believes that manufacturers make the BBF as long as possible to increase shelf life.
By the end of the larder turn over Fat Woman had filled two sacks of food.
Fat Woman no longer makes carb-heavy Italian food such as lasagne and risotto:
Fat Woman no longer makes cakes and puddings outside special occasions (even if means not finishing up food):
Fat Woman no longer makes calorific food such as burgers, sausages or bruschetta for weekend brunch:
Fat Woman no longer makes a full roast dinner:
A packet of apple, cranberry and roast chestnut stuffing
a packet of paxo
Fat Woman was going to make recipes with these ingredients but changed her diet and they are no longer appropriate:
Outside these items, Fat Woman had just the following:
Fat Woman rather regrets the soba noodles but will find a specific recipe before she buys any more.
Fat Woman doesn't hate waste. Fat Woman hates it when people say they "hate waste". Fat Woman doesn't purposefully waste food, but giving the messages she has received loud and clear over the years about how obesity is so awful, even a killer (which she doesn't actually believe or she would be dead five times over by now) she would rather "waste" food than compromise her eating.
Fat Woman is only turning over the larder as a form of procrastination. Really Fat Woman should be turning over her clothes.
Fat Woman has a gorgeous kitchen if she says so herself. At the time of building both Fat Woman and Thin Husband worked in offices where they were surrounded by pale wood furniture. Thin Husband was insistent that he did not want his kitchen to look like his office. Fat Woman didn't think that a hand-carved oak farmhouse kitchen with granite worktops was going to bear much resemblance to Thin Husband's technology bunker, but when Thin Husband puts forth an opinion Fat Woman nurtures it as though it was a delicate seedling of some rare plant that appeared in the garden. Fat Woman's kitchen therefore has red cabinets with white counters and tiles with black and white checked floor. Fat Woman thought this was terribly stylish and a little bit 1950s Americana, although she became slightly less pleased with herself when the builder assured her that he now understood how the colour scheme was going to work because he'd seen the same thing at the weekend and it had worked really well. The stylish place using Fat Woman's combination of black-and-white diagonal squares with red was Burger King.
Fat Woman doesn't really care what her kitchen looks like, although she is terribly pleased with her vintage octagonal smoked glass table, which just completes the look, but she adores how marvellously well designed and functional the kitchen is. Fat Woman particularly loves what the builders called "the return" - the piece of counter sticking out into the room that separates the food preparation area from the dining area - and often stands there preparing dinner whilst chatting to friends.
The crown of the kitchen as far as Fat Woman is concerned is her larder. Fat Woman has a proper larder with vents leading directly to the outside. Visitors are often surprised to find an old-fashioned larder in a modern kitchen, or even to learn what a larder is. There isn't room to walk into Fat Woman's larder because it has modern pull-out baskets nearly all the way down.
Fat Woman likes to "turn over" parts of her home on a regular basis. This means that Fat Woman picks a location that needs some attention - the study booksheleves, the airing cupboard and her jewellery box have all gone through this process in the last year - and spends some time going through absolutely everything, weeding out damaged or unwanted items and putting everything back neatly. In order to make space for the latest batch of chutney Fat Woman found herself turning over the larder.
Fat Woman won't generally eat things past their "best before" dates. Fat Woman isn't a supertaster but she can tell when a can of something is past its BBF (Best BeFore for any pedants). Fat Woman has proved this ability in blind testing and has ruined too many dishes by thinking "it'll be okay" and remembers one particularly upsetting evening when she was so looking forward to a pancake with cherry pie filling and the pie filling had a metallic taste because it was a week past its BBF. To the frustration of elderly relatives Fat Woman simply won't eat stale food. Fat Woman spent far too many years of her life feeling guilty about needing to eat and now she has got over that she isn't going to risk developing food issues by forcing herself to eat things she doesn't need to. Fat Woman agrees that food past its BBF isn't going to kill her, but she also believes that manufacturers make the BBF as long as possible to increase shelf life.
By the end of the larder turn over Fat Woman had filled two sacks of food.
Fat Woman no longer makes carb-heavy Italian food such as lasagne and risotto:
- three pints of semi skimmed long life milk
- a pint of whole long life milk
- three kilos of high grade pasta flour
- a box of dried tagiatelle
- wild mushroom sauce for risotto
- a packet of dried lasagne verdi
- a packet of dried mixed mushrooms
- a packet of mix for minestrone soup
Fat Woman no longer makes cakes and puddings outside special occasions (even if means not finishing up food):
- two jars of mincemeat (Xmas mince pies)
- half a packet of trifle sponges
- a packet of semolina (Xmas shortbread)
- a packet of Italian Ratafias (dinner party)
- four packets of sugar free jelly (home eating)
- a tin of macaroni (food for when Fat Woman is ill)
- half a packet of pudding rice (from making rice pudding when Fat Woman was really ill)
- a packet of dried mixed fruit (Xmas stollen)
- tub of glacé cherries (Xmas cake)
- a jar of strawberry jam (jam tarts)
- a packet of whole blanched almonds
- a tub of cream of tartar (meringues)
- a snack packet of dried apricots
Fat Woman no longer makes calorific food such as burgers, sausages or bruschetta for weekend brunch:
- a jar of onion marmalade
- a bottle of reggae reggae barbecue sauce
- a bottle of HP barbecue sauce
- a jar of Devon fire chutney
- half a bag of sundried tomatoes
Fat Woman no longer makes a full roast dinner:
A packet of apple, cranberry and roast chestnut stuffing
a packet of paxo
Fat Woman was going to make recipes with these ingredients but changed her diet and they are no longer appropriate:
- Massaman Thai curry paste
- a spice mix for "cajun rice with beef"
- a packet of soba noodles
Outside these items, Fat Woman had just the following:
- two bags of coffee beans - from when the cappuccino machine needed maintenance.
- a Food Doctor wholesome bulger wheat and quinoa pot - no matter what Fat Woman hoped, it's not as eatable as a pot noodle
- green Thai curry paste - this was a simple accident as Fat Woman does a Thai curry every other week.
- jar of gravlax sauce - Fat Woman is not entirely sure what she was thinking.
Fat Woman rather regrets the soba noodles but will find a specific recipe before she buys any more.
Fat Woman doesn't hate waste. Fat Woman hates it when people say they "hate waste". Fat Woman doesn't purposefully waste food, but giving the messages she has received loud and clear over the years about how obesity is so awful, even a killer (which she doesn't actually believe or she would be dead five times over by now) she would rather "waste" food than compromise her eating.
Fat Woman is only turning over the larder as a form of procrastination. Really Fat Woman should be turning over her clothes.
Wednesday, 16 May 2012
Fat Woman is defrosting
Fat Woman and Personal Trainer have been having a froideur. Fat Woman is not entirely sure that it was solely her fault, but would guess that Personal Trainer would think it was. Fat Woman is prepared to acknowledge that she has been poleaxed by the following:
(1) Boxing injury. Fat Woman could feel the muscles in her arms were tight and not right. A trip to the osteopath about her knees ended in a return trip the same day to fix her arms. Osteopath said that in all his career he had never seen a bicep that tight "without being torn". Fat Woman allows that the muscles were awfully tight but thinks that someone who was probably at school with Personal Trainer can't have had that long a career. Osteopath did some manipulation of her arms that was uncomfortable, but it was the work he did on her deltoids and the pectoralis minor which made Fat Woman actually yell. A return trip a week later and Fat Woman is still feeling myofascial pinching. Given that Fat Woman dedicated herself to her super healthy lifestyle in order to keep her arms in use and to recover from an incredibly severe case of computer based RSI it was an incredible shock to find herself back at square one. This isn't Personal Trainer's fault, but Fat Woman would appreciate a bit more concern. Personal Trainer is meant to be looking after Fat Woman.
(2) The food issue (see last post). Fat Woman thought she had been getting on awfully well. After Personal Trainer persuaded her to have a diet review Fat Woman agreed to adjust the balance of her diet, swapping carbohydrates for fat. Fat Woman has been eating a low GI diet for five years. Her "good" food has been carbs. Hungry? Eat a piece of toast. Need lunch when out? Grab a sandwich. Taking bread out her diet leaves a hole which Fat Woman has not been totally able to fill. Scrambled eggs on toast work. Scrambled eggs on Ryvita don't work. Of course, Fat Woman could eat bread if she wanted to, but she's going with the plan for a bit. The constant thinking about food is wearing Fat Woman down when she had been so free before.
(3) The food monitoring issue. Fat Woman's one big food issue is that she hates it when people monitor what she eats with a view to controlling it. This stems from the attitude of people who thought that Fat Girl didn't need to eat because she was fat. When Fat Woman was talking about people withholding food when she was hungry to Swimming Coach he exclaimed: "But that's torture!" Fat Woman adores that man sometimes; he gets it. Fat Woman hates, hates, hates it when people make uninformed judgements about what she is putting into her mouth. Despite Fat Woman having two days of fraught correspondence culminating in a face to face serious talk with Personal Trainer about the fact she had issues with people allowing (or not allowing) her to eat, Personal Trainer jumped into this bear pit with both feet. Ironically, he did so when Fat Woman was waiting for him to discuss her diet plan.
Personal Trainer had chosen 11am as the time to meet. He was more than an hour late, so Fat Woman was late for lunch. Fat Woman's diet is like quantum cryptography: the very act of looking at the data causes changes. Fat Woman had not eaten as much as she could have for breakfast and was in desperate need of food. When Personal Trainer came to find her at nearly 1 o'clock Fat Woman had just taken the lid off her Marks and Spencer's prawn salad. For international readers, Marks and Spencer have a premium grocery store famed for excellent convenience food. The prawn salad had been on special offer at just £2. Fat Woman would have been happy with any of the following reactions from Personal Trainer:
Since giving up Diet Coke Fat Woman no longer suffers quite so badly from low blood sugar. This is lucky because Fat Woman's car couldn't take many more dents. However, whilst Fat Woman is able to be hungry for a while there comes a point when she takes on a demeanour not dissimilar to the Hell Hound in this video:
Like the poor maligned beast in this video Fat Woman is a cute and cuddly being most of the time. That time ends when Fat Woman goes past hungry and very hungry into FEED ME NOW! Yes, just like Audrey 2.
Fat Woman tries not to become a snarling, slavering beast but honestly, she had just peeled back the shiny cellophane and hadn't even had a chance to dig her fork into the lovely fresh, crunchy salad and then this whippersnapper starts making oblique comments such as: "I don't like those."
Instead of yelling: "Who the hell cares?" and scooping out a handful of prawns covered in marie rose sauce to shovel into her mouth, Fat Woman hung on to her civility. It was only just, but Fat Woman is quite fond of Personal Trainer and didn't want to slaughter him on the spot, if only because she needs him to turn up at 11.30am on Monday. The civil response Fat Woman came up with was: "You mean you don't like prawns? Or do you mean you don't like me eating prawns?" Fat Woman didn't intend to put a savage emphasis on the last sentence, but quite honestly what can anyone expect when they stop a fat woman from eating a lunch, the very lunch from which they have been keeping her? That Personal Trainer went on to divulge that he disliked such salads because they had mayonnaise in them was a testament to the young man's blinkered certainty that he was (a) right and (b) other people should know this.
Fat Woman saved Personal Trainer from certain death by telling him that she would catch him on the other side of his training session when she wasn't so low in blood sugar that a doctor would make her eat glucose. Fat Woman ate her salad, which had been quite spoilt, and met with Personal Trainer an hour later, when he told her that he wanted her to reduce her carbs from 220g daily to 100g and to replace the calories with fat.
Unfortunately, the damage was done. Personal Trainer had effectively plastered a DANGER - MINES sign over himself. Fat Woman was constantly waiting for him to ask her what she had for breakfast and tell her how she had failed in some way. It made Fat Woman quiet in training sessions, almost to the point of hostility. Fat Woman couldn't help it; she no longer felt safe. This made Fat Woman feel very sad as Personal Trainer had been her rock for nearly six months. Personal Trainer is a sensitive little puppy and picked up on Fat Woman's change in mood, and Fat Woman knew this, but there Fat Woman simply didn't have a handle on her feelings yet. Withdrawn and compliant and not too sarcastic was the best she could manage.
(4) The thyroid issue. Fat Woman is concerned about the impact of eating low carb on her thyroid hormone levels. Fat Woman has read that a low carb diet can increase reverse T3. The end result of this is that she would feel like death but the blood tests available to her wouldn't show any change. Fat Woman isn't going to discuss this with Personal Trainer because she doesn't think he knows about this. Nor is Fat Woman keen to discuss it with her GP as they are such generalists they are unlikely to know about anything other than the eat less move more edicts.
Fat Woman has done a lot of thinking and has decided that Personal Trainer is not allowed to talk about nutrition unless she brings it up or it is at monthly review. Fat Woman now feels a lot better about this and found she has defrosted no end. Taking responsibility for the situation (which she feels is a very adult thing to do, especially when she would much rather someone said ohh! poor baby) Fat Woman texted Personal Trainer the night after training:
I am not really grumpy moody client. I'm just poleaxed because I started training to keep use of my arms, and now I'm sitting back at square one. I'm just scared. I'll get past it by next Monday. Sorry.
Fat Woman lied in this text. Hurt arms is not the only reason she is upset. It might not be even the major reason, but she didn't want to lose the friendly, positive relationship she had with Personal Trainer. Fat Woman does feel that Personal Trainer is responsible for some of her predicament - he certainly never said "Don't hit anyone too hard, you could damage yourself" - but he obviously does the best he can with what he has. Fat Woman is trying not to project too hard and doesn't need him to acknowledge any culpability.
Personal Trainer didn't mention the text but he did make an effort to seek out Fat Woman, even making time to do in the gym rather than waiting until they crossed paths in the café. Fat Woman knows Personal Trainer well enough to take this as an expression of concern. Fat Woman was more her usual cheerful self after this.
Fat Woman is still on her guard though.
(1) Boxing injury. Fat Woman could feel the muscles in her arms were tight and not right. A trip to the osteopath about her knees ended in a return trip the same day to fix her arms. Osteopath said that in all his career he had never seen a bicep that tight "without being torn". Fat Woman allows that the muscles were awfully tight but thinks that someone who was probably at school with Personal Trainer can't have had that long a career. Osteopath did some manipulation of her arms that was uncomfortable, but it was the work he did on her deltoids and the pectoralis minor which made Fat Woman actually yell. A return trip a week later and Fat Woman is still feeling myofascial pinching. Given that Fat Woman dedicated herself to her super healthy lifestyle in order to keep her arms in use and to recover from an incredibly severe case of computer based RSI it was an incredible shock to find herself back at square one. This isn't Personal Trainer's fault, but Fat Woman would appreciate a bit more concern. Personal Trainer is meant to be looking after Fat Woman.
(2) The food issue (see last post). Fat Woman thought she had been getting on awfully well. After Personal Trainer persuaded her to have a diet review Fat Woman agreed to adjust the balance of her diet, swapping carbohydrates for fat. Fat Woman has been eating a low GI diet for five years. Her "good" food has been carbs. Hungry? Eat a piece of toast. Need lunch when out? Grab a sandwich. Taking bread out her diet leaves a hole which Fat Woman has not been totally able to fill. Scrambled eggs on toast work. Scrambled eggs on Ryvita don't work. Of course, Fat Woman could eat bread if she wanted to, but she's going with the plan for a bit. The constant thinking about food is wearing Fat Woman down when she had been so free before.
(3) The food monitoring issue. Fat Woman's one big food issue is that she hates it when people monitor what she eats with a view to controlling it. This stems from the attitude of people who thought that Fat Girl didn't need to eat because she was fat. When Fat Woman was talking about people withholding food when she was hungry to Swimming Coach he exclaimed: "But that's torture!" Fat Woman adores that man sometimes; he gets it. Fat Woman hates, hates, hates it when people make uninformed judgements about what she is putting into her mouth. Despite Fat Woman having two days of fraught correspondence culminating in a face to face serious talk with Personal Trainer about the fact she had issues with people allowing (or not allowing) her to eat, Personal Trainer jumped into this bear pit with both feet. Ironically, he did so when Fat Woman was waiting for him to discuss her diet plan.
Personal Trainer had chosen 11am as the time to meet. He was more than an hour late, so Fat Woman was late for lunch. Fat Woman's diet is like quantum cryptography: the very act of looking at the data causes changes. Fat Woman had not eaten as much as she could have for breakfast and was in desperate need of food. When Personal Trainer came to find her at nearly 1 o'clock Fat Woman had just taken the lid off her Marks and Spencer's prawn salad. For international readers, Marks and Spencer have a premium grocery store famed for excellent convenience food. The prawn salad had been on special offer at just £2. Fat Woman would have been happy with any of the following reactions from Personal Trainer:
- "I'm sorry I'm so late."
- "I'm sorry that I am so late and I also can't talk straight away because I have another client."
- "A salad? Well done. Those prawn salads are low in carbs and calories and high in protein."
- "I'm really sorry that my lateness is messing with your eating."
- "Don't eat that! I'll buy you something better to keep you going until we can talk."
- "Do bring the nutrition label of your lunch to our talk so we can discuss it along with your meal plan."
Since giving up Diet Coke Fat Woman no longer suffers quite so badly from low blood sugar. This is lucky because Fat Woman's car couldn't take many more dents. However, whilst Fat Woman is able to be hungry for a while there comes a point when she takes on a demeanour not dissimilar to the Hell Hound in this video:
Like the poor maligned beast in this video Fat Woman is a cute and cuddly being most of the time. That time ends when Fat Woman goes past hungry and very hungry into FEED ME NOW! Yes, just like Audrey 2.
Fat Woman tries not to become a snarling, slavering beast but honestly, she had just peeled back the shiny cellophane and hadn't even had a chance to dig her fork into the lovely fresh, crunchy salad and then this whippersnapper starts making oblique comments such as: "I don't like those."
Instead of yelling: "Who the hell cares?" and scooping out a handful of prawns covered in marie rose sauce to shovel into her mouth, Fat Woman hung on to her civility. It was only just, but Fat Woman is quite fond of Personal Trainer and didn't want to slaughter him on the spot, if only because she needs him to turn up at 11.30am on Monday. The civil response Fat Woman came up with was: "You mean you don't like prawns? Or do you mean you don't like me eating prawns?" Fat Woman didn't intend to put a savage emphasis on the last sentence, but quite honestly what can anyone expect when they stop a fat woman from eating a lunch, the very lunch from which they have been keeping her? That Personal Trainer went on to divulge that he disliked such salads because they had mayonnaise in them was a testament to the young man's blinkered certainty that he was (a) right and (b) other people should know this.
Fat Woman saved Personal Trainer from certain death by telling him that she would catch him on the other side of his training session when she wasn't so low in blood sugar that a doctor would make her eat glucose. Fat Woman ate her salad, which had been quite spoilt, and met with Personal Trainer an hour later, when he told her that he wanted her to reduce her carbs from 220g daily to 100g and to replace the calories with fat.
Unfortunately, the damage was done. Personal Trainer had effectively plastered a DANGER - MINES sign over himself. Fat Woman was constantly waiting for him to ask her what she had for breakfast and tell her how she had failed in some way. It made Fat Woman quiet in training sessions, almost to the point of hostility. Fat Woman couldn't help it; she no longer felt safe. This made Fat Woman feel very sad as Personal Trainer had been her rock for nearly six months. Personal Trainer is a sensitive little puppy and picked up on Fat Woman's change in mood, and Fat Woman knew this, but there Fat Woman simply didn't have a handle on her feelings yet. Withdrawn and compliant and not too sarcastic was the best she could manage.
(4) The thyroid issue. Fat Woman is concerned about the impact of eating low carb on her thyroid hormone levels. Fat Woman has read that a low carb diet can increase reverse T3. The end result of this is that she would feel like death but the blood tests available to her wouldn't show any change. Fat Woman isn't going to discuss this with Personal Trainer because she doesn't think he knows about this. Nor is Fat Woman keen to discuss it with her GP as they are such generalists they are unlikely to know about anything other than the eat less move more edicts.
Fat Woman has done a lot of thinking and has decided that Personal Trainer is not allowed to talk about nutrition unless she brings it up or it is at monthly review. Fat Woman now feels a lot better about this and found she has defrosted no end. Taking responsibility for the situation (which she feels is a very adult thing to do, especially when she would much rather someone said ohh! poor baby) Fat Woman texted Personal Trainer the night after training:
I am not really grumpy moody client. I'm just poleaxed because I started training to keep use of my arms, and now I'm sitting back at square one. I'm just scared. I'll get past it by next Monday. Sorry.
Fat Woman lied in this text. Hurt arms is not the only reason she is upset. It might not be even the major reason, but she didn't want to lose the friendly, positive relationship she had with Personal Trainer. Fat Woman does feel that Personal Trainer is responsible for some of her predicament - he certainly never said "Don't hit anyone too hard, you could damage yourself" - but he obviously does the best he can with what he has. Fat Woman is trying not to project too hard and doesn't need him to acknowledge any culpability.
Personal Trainer didn't mention the text but he did make an effort to seek out Fat Woman, even making time to do in the gym rather than waiting until they crossed paths in the café. Fat Woman knows Personal Trainer well enough to take this as an expression of concern. Fat Woman was more her usual cheerful self after this.
Fat Woman is still on her guard though.
Thursday, 1 March 2012
Fat Woman eats NOTHING
Fat Woman ate NOTHING after her workout. The reason for this is that the gym café has NOTHING that fits with Fat Woman's low calorie, low GI, wholefood diet. Not even a banana or an apple. Those sell out first.
Fat Woman does not want to eat high sugar processed "snack" bars or drink sugary drinks or have anything with whey protein added to it. Fat Woman wants a low GI cereal bar from Dorset Cereals bar Eat Natural. Fat Woman doesn't even want an enormous glass of orange juice which would be five portions according to her eating plan.
Fat Woman realises this is a trap. People work out, then spend their "earned" calories on a chocolate bar or a smoothie. The trap keeps the gym in business because people never meet their goals.
Fat Woman thinks it would be better if the gym had some healthy alternatives so people who are following an eating plan can still buy something from the café. Fat Woman has taken to bringing something with her so that when she is mind boggled from low blood sugar she can eat. Fat Woman often needs to eat before getting in the car and driving home. In fact every scratch on Fat Woman's car happened when she needed to eat.
Fat Woman is having a hard time communicating with the café management. Apparently the woman who does the ordering is the same woman who moans that she "gets what they send her."
Fat Woman is going to eat her banana and wait for someone to moan at her. There is less chance of someone being cross with Fat Woman for bringing her own fruit than there is of Personal Trainer popping up and mentioning just how devoid of nutritional value whatever she has just ordered is. If Fat Woman ever gets really cross with Personal Trainer she's going to go to the bar and order two smoothies right in front of him. And drink them both.
Possibly that would be a bit like smoking more to show the Government raising the duty on cigarettes won't stop you. But it's a nice thought.
Fat Woman does not want to eat high sugar processed "snack" bars or drink sugary drinks or have anything with whey protein added to it. Fat Woman wants a low GI cereal bar from Dorset Cereals bar Eat Natural. Fat Woman doesn't even want an enormous glass of orange juice which would be five portions according to her eating plan.
Fat Woman realises this is a trap. People work out, then spend their "earned" calories on a chocolate bar or a smoothie. The trap keeps the gym in business because people never meet their goals.
Fat Woman thinks it would be better if the gym had some healthy alternatives so people who are following an eating plan can still buy something from the café. Fat Woman has taken to bringing something with her so that when she is mind boggled from low blood sugar she can eat. Fat Woman often needs to eat before getting in the car and driving home. In fact every scratch on Fat Woman's car happened when she needed to eat.
Fat Woman is having a hard time communicating with the café management. Apparently the woman who does the ordering is the same woman who moans that she "gets what they send her."
Fat Woman is going to eat her banana and wait for someone to moan at her. There is less chance of someone being cross with Fat Woman for bringing her own fruit than there is of Personal Trainer popping up and mentioning just how devoid of nutritional value whatever she has just ordered is. If Fat Woman ever gets really cross with Personal Trainer she's going to go to the bar and order two smoothies right in front of him. And drink them both.
Possibly that would be a bit like smoking more to show the Government raising the duty on cigarettes won't stop you. But it's a nice thought.
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