Wednesday, 15 May 2013

Fat Woman and the hard work for no reward

Fat Woman usually works hard in training sessions with Personal Trainer. Personal Trainer likes Fat Woman to think about doing some more cardio after sessions and then decide not to because she is worn out.

On Monday Fat Woman opined that there was something in the wind and it didn't feel like a deadlift Monday. Deadlift Mondays are a hangover from Fat Woman's strength programme in January. Fat Woman likes deadlifting on the grounds that it makes her feel powerful and it makes her thinner.

When Fat Woman got to the gym Personal Trainer asked if she was all right to do deadlifts. Fat Woman said that she was always all right to do deadlifts and that she would get her wraps. Personal Trainer informed Fat Woman she wouldn't need her wraps that day.

Personal Trainer presented Fat Woman with an evil super set of 45kg deadlifts, push ups and dumbbell squat-and-clean-and-presses. Fat Woman had to do sets of 40 of each, then 30, 20 and finally ten.

Ten push ups have never felt so easy to Fat Woman as when she had just done 90.

The session was all well and good and Fat Woman felt properly worked out. The following day Fat Woman dragged her carcass through her 30 minutes of Couch to 5k walking finding that her body wouldn't move fast enough to send her heart rate above 130bpm. Fat Woman was so pathetic that she nearly didn't eat her reward chocolate.

On the third day Fat Woman returned to the gym again in accordance with her diary. At the end of the trainer session Personal Trainer asked Fat Woman how she was feeling. Fat Woman replied that she felt as though there hadn't been a gap between training session but they instead ran straight into each other and that they really should do some ab work because those were the only bits of her that didn't ache. Personal Trainer said that this was good but the ab work would have to wait.

Personal Trainer then told Fat Woman off because she posted on Facebook that she had made a Marmite cake and that it tasted amazing. Personal Trainer said that cake was bad and that Fat Woman shouldn't eat cake. Fat Woman has noticed Personal Trainer is touchy on the subject of cake and that possibly the word cake is a trigger word for him. Fat Woman found this ironic because at the previous session she provided an enormous chocolate cake which Personal Trainer had commissioned for a birthday celebration and ten minutes previously Personal Trainer had informed her that he had eaten a big slice and it was very good.

Fat Woman is not sure if Personal Trainer was unaware of the irony or he was ignoring it in a comedic fashion.

Fat Woman is reminded of the time she was persuaded to give up bread for three months because Personal Trainer was so passionately adamant that bread was evil and then she found out that Personal Trainer had been eating bagels.

Fat Woman has worked out that you can set a Facebook status so that only one person may see it. Fat Woman is wondering about posting a status listing all the things she has supposedly eaten so only Personal Trainer can see it.

Have just eaten three Penguins, a large packet of sweet chilli Kettle Crisps, a ham and pineapple pizza, two pieces of toast with butter, one with honey, one with Marmite, a Scotch egg and a protein bar. I think I might have overdone it with the protein bar.

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