Fat Woman and the fitting problem

Fat Woman owns a shotgun. Actually, Fat Woman owns three shotguns, a 12G Browning 425, a Baikal side by side and a 20G Beretta for Thin Husband. Thin Husband doesn't yet have a shotgun licence and likes to remind Fat Woman that if she divorces him she might have her guns confiscated. Fat Woman tolerates this kind of talk because she cannot imagine wanting to divorce a man who not only supports her shooting but doesn't sulk for days when she shoots better than him. It is also true.

Fat Woman's first and primary shotgun is the Browning 425. Fat Woman fell in love with Personal Trainer's DT10 but that was probably because it was stock heavy and was easy for her to shoot with. That gun was coming out of Personal Trainer's cold dead hands, so Fat Woman spent a while going into gun shops and picking up guns. Fat Woman didn't like the Silver Pigeon because of how the forestock felt in her hand but was encouraged to try the Browning 525. Fat Woman ended up with a second hand 425 because it was slightly nicer to hold than the 525s she tried and also was a grade V that was cheaper than the second hand grade 1 525s.

Fat Woman shot with her gun for a month and then went to get it fitted. Fat Woman knew that she might change things as a beginner, but she reasoned that her arms weren't going to get any longer. The CPSA shooting instructor and the CPSA shooting coach that were in charge of Fat Woman's initial shooting experiences recommended a local gun smith and oversaw the fitting process. Fat Woman was measured and the gun was taken away. When the gun was returned to Fat Woman it had a suitably short (13") stock and a Kickeze recoil pad on the end. Fat Woman liked her Kickeze recoil pad very much, although not as much as the Isis recoil pads she has since tried. Fat Woman shot well with her new gun, put in a 39 at her first registered shoot and went about her business. Fat Woman still remembers how proud she was to take her own gun to the Shotgun & Chelsea Bun Club at A1 Shooting Ground, and how shocked she was when this made her part of the "experienced" group. That was when Fat Woman won her first rosette and made her bestest shooting chums.

The following month Fat Woman broke all ties with the CPSA instructor and coach because the coach had a massive strop that Thin Husband wasn't learning to shoot immediately and said also kinds of disgusting things to Thin Husband about not bothering to try again. Thanks to the community at www.shootclay.co.uk Thin Husband was reassured that the issue was with the coach not him and was very kindly offered a free lesson by the gentleman who became known to Fat Woman as Shooting Coach. Shooting Coach had Thin Husband hitting two thirds of the clays within an hour. This blog post is not about Thin Husband's shooting, but Fat Woman can report that after a few more lessons Thin Husband knows he can shoot and Shooting Coach will forever have Fat Woman's gratitude for being amazing at instilling confidence in nervous people. The CPSA were utterly useless in providing any help at all in dealing with this situation, and would not give Fat Woman any details of any formal complaints process, so if you are looking for a CPSA coach through their directory and want to check in as to which person it was, ask Fat Woman through Twitter (@fat_woman).

Fat Woman didn't need a coach for the next few months as she had her Shotgun & Chelsea Bun Club membership. At every Shotgun & Chelsea Bun Club event Fat Woman got to shoot with a coach and as there were lots of events over the Spring at lots of different grounds Fat Woman got experience working with lots of different coaches. Fat Woman discovered that not only did she like shooting she also liked the little bits of ribbon and cardboard that she got for winning. Fat Woman started working harder at shooting when she realised that she was outclassed in the cake competitions.

By the end of May Fat Woman was feeling the need for some more focussed help, and as she was going to be driving Thin Husband to his shooting lesson she booked herself in with Shooting Coach. Happy months passed where Fat Woman would turn up and say to Shooting Coach "I need a remedial lesson on teals/rising going away birds/crossers/quartering crossers/quartering crossers again/still more quartering crossers" and they would spend the next hour on that subject. Fat Woman felt she was getting the hang of the stick that goes bang, even if she still doesn't shoot teals on the way up like she should. Fat Woman couldn't get the hang of going gun down like some of her friends did, but wasn't too worried about this as shooting gun up for English sporting clays is fine and she was hitting things. Once Fat Woman got her shooting glasses sorted there was no stopping her.

In September Fat Woman was recruited for inter-county shooting. Fat Woman is a woman and a CPSA member and can stand unaided and thus qualified for a smart shooting vest with the name of her county team. Fat Woman was needed as a warm body in case of someone else not turning up, but didn't mind that because of the aforementioned shooting vest. Fat Woman agreed to do this, but then realised the magnitude of what she had agreed to and begged Shooting Coach to teach her skeet. Shooting Coach was very tolerant of Fat Woman going into meltdown at the thought of humiliation on an inter-counties stage and spent a lesson helping Fat Woman to shoot skeet. Fat Woman is not accustomed to being scared of something - mostly because she doesn't usually bite off more than she can chew -  and badly needed both the lesson and the patience from Shooting Coach. Also the extra patience. After nursing Fat Woman through the early stages of learning skeet all Shooting Coach needed was a break from Fat Woman.

Fat Woman was put in touch with a woman whom she refers to as Skeet Coach, although Skeet Coach also excels at lots of trap disciplines. Skeet Coach taught Fat Woman to shoot skeet according to geometric principles. On the first lesson Skeet Coach spotted that Fat Woman had never mastered mounting her gun and got Fat Woman to change her hand position on the forestock. Fat Woman was amazed at the difference it made. Skeet Coach said what Fat Woman had been doing wasn't wrong per se, but she herself had had the same issue so she recognised it. All was going well until Fat Woman brought the wrong gun with her, a 20G to a ground that only sold 12G cartridges. Skeet Coach kindly let Fat Woman use her Browning B25.

Fat Woman shot like an angel that day.

Fat Woman shot so well with that B25 that watching skeet shooters were complimenting Skeet Coach on how well Fat Woman was doing and saying she was one to watch. Fat Woman can still remember how utterly amazing it felt to have everything working the way it should do. Of course, it all went to pot at the next lesson.

Skeet Coach is an analytical person. When Fat Woman's went from wunderkind to witless in the space of a week Skeet Coach wanted to know exactly why. Skeet Coach compared the two guns, which both being Brownings were superficially similar, same length of barrels, same stock length, very similar grip, similar trigger position and so on. Then Skeet Coach looked at the thing that differentiated the fit, and threw a fit. The stock of Fat Woman's gun had been undercut so badly that it was impossible for Fat Woman to mount to gun into her shoulder. Fat Woman had had no idea that this was a problem; she assumed it had been done because she had large breasts, and no one had ever said differently. Skeet Coach wanted to know who had done this heinous thing to a poor defenceless gun, and when Fat Woman told her, Skeet Coach had a few choice words to say about how that gunsmith was known for undercutting women's stocks and shouldn't be allowed near a gun. Skeet Coach used words like "sexist" and "old fashioned" and was crosser than when Fat Woman didn't switch her feet between shooting H4 and L4.

When Fat Woman had further problems during a registered skeet doubles competition due to her gun stock now being too short for her because of weight loss, Skeet Coach declared that something had to be done and introduced Fat Woman to a trusted gunsmith who was kind enough to put a temporary fix on Fat Woman's gun in the form of a big light wedge of wood. Fat Woman went off and shot the skeet competition and was very glad she had done all the panicking and practising because although she wasn't last, or even second or third or fourth last, it was a damn close thing. So close that it took Fat Woman two weeks to actually check her scores. The ladies team came second, so Fat Woman got a badge anyway but Fat Woman knows that she isn't very good at skeet really.

Fat Woman went off and shot her gun with its temporary fix and was feeling reasonably happy with it. Then Fat Woman started losing weight again and the gun started feeling wrong. The first time her gun slapped her in the face Fat Woman felt like her own dog had bitten her and couldn't understand what had changed. At her last social shoot Fat Woman felt like she was fighting the gun the whole way around the course. Fat Woman clung to what Shooting Coach always said ("It's not the gun, it's you") and arranged to do some back-to-basics practice on crossers with a friend. At the shooting ground Fat Woman ran into the gentleman from the shop who had suggested the Browning 525 to her as a suitable gun and enquired if they sold lead tape; she was unhappy with how front heavy her gun was. The salesman whisked Fat Woman inside and filled her stock full of lead shot. Fat Woman was happy about this because not only was the balance much better (a) it was a temporary measure and (b) it wasn't going to rattle because it was absolutely full of lead. Salesman got Fat Woman to mount the gun and that was when the problem started.

Since Fat Woman's got her shooting glasses her gun mount has always been based around her sight picture. Fat Woman has two beads on her barrel so closes one eye and rifles up the gun. Then she opens her eyes and stops looking at the gun, trusting that the gun will be pointing where she is looking. This means Fat Woman is bending herself around the gun, and sometimes twisting the gun as well to make the beads line up. Salesman declared that Fat Woman was shooting a left handed gun. Fat Woman was massively taken aback on the grounds that no one had mentioned that before. Salesman proved it to Fat Woman, by getting her to mount the gun properly into her shoulder instead of next to her neck where she usually does, when it looked to Fat Woman the barrels were pointing off to the left, and then with a plumb line. Fat Woman was pretty sure it wasn't a left handed gun when she bought it, because surely someone would have said something? but Salesman said it happens sometimes with central heating.

Salesman then wanted Fat Woman to give her gun to his gunsmith, but something about the conversation and the lack of measurements made Fat Woman uncomfortable. Fat Woman texted Shooting Coach to ask if she should give her gun to that gunsmith and Shooting Coach replied back instantly saying that he wouldn't trust the guy with his second best broom. This was particularly nice of Shooting Coach who was in the middle of a big international competition. Fat Woman made excuses about needing her gun to shoot right then, and took the cowardly way out and simply didn't go back that day. Shooting Coach said by text that he couldn't do anything without seeing the gun but that it was odd that it suddenly needed changing. Fat Woman felt that she had not been moaning enough to Shooting Coach if that's what he thought.

By the time Fat Woman had been out for an hour of serious practice her frustration was reaching nuclear levels. Fat Woman felt utterly trapped in a loop, where the gun didn't fit her so she wasn't holding it properly, but then she was holding it properly she couldn't get the right sight picture because the gun didn't fit her. Fat Woman knows from the principles of evolution that the egg must have come before the chicken, but she definitely couldn't work out which issue about her gun needed addressing first.

Fat Woman felt that she was on the verge of not loving her gun any more. This made Fat Woman very sad as she had thought she would be with Gravy (Browning) until she made A class i.e. forever.

It was left to Skeet Coach to provide Fat Woman with some perspective.
"Cast is left handed? So what? you were shooting fine with it before."
"Of course it doesn't fit you if you've lost that amount of weight off your face. "
"You're a beginner, of course your first gun is going to need altering as you learn more."
"You've probably developed horrible habits that need sorting out before we worry about the gun."
"What does the balance matter? "
"Yes, the stock is too short, you knew that back in October. It's probably even worse now if you've lost more weight."
"Every time you change the gun needs changing. "
"Don't ask advice from gun shop salespeople."

Skeet Coach didn't actually use the phrase "don't be stupid!" but Fat Woman could feel it floating around in the ether. Regardless, Fat Woman felt reassured that Skeet Coach and Shooting Coach said much the same thing.

Fat Woman met up with Skeet Coach at a new shooting ground to shoot some trap. Skeet Coach knows everybody and asked the ground owner to have a look at Fat Woman's gun fit. The ground owner said that Fat Woman needed lots of cast to the right in order to make the gun fit. Fat Woman felt like puzzle pieces were dropping into place. Ten minutes later Fat Woman was introduced to a gunsmith who came with recommendations from friends with very expensive guns. Gunsmith came up with a marvellous solution for Fat Woman's gun; he had a back plate that you could angle to suit. In just five minutes Fat Woman was mounting the gun and Gunsmith was altering it to fit. It took Fat Woman a while to twig but finally she worked out that Gunsmith wanted her to mount the gun as it should be mounted so he could adjust the gun to the mount, rather than Fat Woman adjusting herself to the gun. Skeet Coach stood over Fat Woman and corrected her every time she made yet another beginner mistake such as not moving her head forward enough or tilting her head. Eventually Fat Woman had a proper sight picture. Then Gunsmith took Fat Woman outside to shoot some teals. Fat Woman shot six teals perfectly in the middle and felt like she wanted to go and shoot another hundred birds. Finally after more than a year of ownership Fat Woman had a gun that fitted! Fat Woman could mount her gun into the shoulder where it should be, and didn't have to balance it further in.

Fat Woman was massively grateful to Gunsmith who didn't even charge her because he was so disgusted at what had been done by the first gunsmith. Fat Woman was especially sorry that she forgot to mention her stock was full of loose lead shot before Gunsmith took the back pad off. Fat Woman was also grateful to Skeet Coach who spent  so much time working with Fat Woman on the issue. Fat Woman really feels like she has broken out of the vicious cycle.

Of course nothing in life is perfect. The left hand cast of the wood has not changed, only the angle of the back plate so Fat Woman's stock is now pressed so firmly into her face she worries for the safety of her teeth. Fat Woman's gun is now heavier than a DT11 as it has a stock full of lead, so it's a good thing Fat Woman can lift heavy things. And to be utterly honest the whole contraption looks a mess. However, Fat Woman is going to have to live with a messy gun until she settles at a maintenance weight. Fat Woman doesn't care so long as she has a gun that works for her. Fat Woman likes shooting but it's not so much of a priority for her that she would give up increasing her fitness for it.

Fat Woman isn't sure how much of the initial stock butchering was prejudice about women and how much was prejudice about fat women, but she is very, very, very glad to have got to the bottom of all the issues that have been bothering her for a year. Now Fat Woman should be able to get a consistent gun mount, and that means perhaps eventually she might be able to shoot clays gun down. And as Skeet Coach said, once you know what a correctly fitted gun should feel like you'll know the minute it goes wrong as well.

Fat Woman can't wait to go and shoot again.

Fat Woman would like to offer the following guidance on gun fitting for women:

• Do not cut the toe off a stock just because women have breasts. If you take a really good luck at actual natural breasts (as opposed to the silicone ones you see in porn movies and the airbrushed ones in porn magazines) they don't usually really start until after the place where a gun should sit. Look at the person to whom you're actually fitting the gun. Do what's right for them and their actual body, not some prejudice you have in your head. Oh, and look with your eyes, not your hands.
• If you're mounting a gun so someone can see if it fits you, prioritise mounting it into your shoulder. Fat Woman has had loads of people fail to notice that her gun wasn't in the right place. Then work out what you can see. 
• Know what sight picture you're aiming for before you get your gun fitted. Fat Woman found these double images pictures very helpful in knowing what her options are.
• Find someone to help you with fit who will make sure you have a proper gun hold AND have the right eye position in relation to the gun. Fat Woman needed two people at once for this. 
• Don't think that because someone has a coaching qualification from a recognised shooting body it means that they know what they are doing. It means they paid a lot of money and passed a course.

Fat Woman and the bore

Fat Woman is delighted that Thin Husband is taking up clay pigeon shooting. Whilst Thin Husband is fun to be with and always supportive of Fat Woman's activities he has steadfastly resisted doing any organised activity that Fat Woman has taken part in over the last seventeen years. Fat Woman has done everything from local politics and youth work to golf and gardening and Thin Husband has refused them all. In fact the only time Thin Husband ever said "That sounds fun" was when Fat Woman asked if he would like to go on a hill walking holiday. This was a trap of the most enormous kind because Fat Woman is not only fat but heavy so walking is very slow for her and Thin Husband has a horrible habit of walking five metres in front of her as though this will somehow make Fat Woman develop a higher top speed. Also Fat Woman has bad knees which meant for a long time walking up inclines would cause terrible problems, and horribly wide feet so she can't buy walking boots. So when Thin Husband has turned down offers of every healthy leisure activity Fat Woman could think of and then jumped at the chance of doing the one thing Fat Woman couldn't do, Fat Woman took the hint and left Thin Husband to stew in his nerdy living room cave with the newspapers and the Internet. Thus Thin Husband had happy recharging introvert time doing what he liked, and would be presented with the credit card bill for keeping Fat Woman happy and out of his hair at the end of the month. Fat Woman thinks Thin Husband should count himself lucky that she likes second hand shopping and car boot sales.

Thin Husband now has a gun. Actually, Fat Woman is the legal owner of a lovely Beretta White Onyx 20 bore gun. The Beretta lives in Fat Woman's gun cabinet and is on Fat Woman's licence. Sometimes Fat Woman is gracious enough to take Thin Husband to gun club and let him use her gun. Thin Husband has been trained in gun cleaning so can now clean both guns before Fat Woman locks them away again.

Fat Woman doesn't mind a 20 bore but rather resented the idea that as a woman she would automatically need a 20 bore. Fat Woman has a lovely, well-balanced Browning 425 12 bore that is perfect for a clay shooter of her level, especially now the stock has been cut right down and the horrible pointy toe has been shaved off. When Thin Husband started learning with a 28 bore club gun and suggested he might buy one of those Fat Woman put her foot down. Fat Woman said that not only were 28 bores ridiculously expensive but the cartridges were bloody pricey and annoyingly hard to buy. Fat Woman also said that little children were seen on the clay ground with 20 bore semi automatics and they would point and laugh at a grown man who couldn't handle a 20 bore.

It turned out that Thin Husband was indeed perfectly capable of handling a 20 bore, but decided that he didn't want a semi automatic because shooting is a social activity for Fat Woman and everyone on clay grounds seems to hate semi automatic users (PICK UP YOUR SHELLS!). Fat Woman didn't mind on the grounds that an over and under 20 bore could always be cut down for her if Thin Husband gave up on shooting.

Fat Woman needed more cartridges and now they would need more it made sense to consider buying in bulk. Thin Husband was looking at cartridge prices. It turned out that 20 bore cartridges were approximately £60 per thousand more expensive than 12 bore cartridges. Fat Woman shrugged and said that was the price Thin Husband would have to pay for having a girly 20 bore. This was a little mean of Fat Woman, but she considers Thin Husband would be perfectly capable of getting used to a 12 bore, and this is the effect of his choices.

Thin Husband put his head on one side and in his most reasonable voice pointed out to Fat Woman that it was a lot more cost effective for him to shoot a 20 bore than to pay for three sessions a week for Personal Trainer to build up his strength.

Anyone who thinks Fat Woman is always right should meet Thin Husband.

Fat Woman and the dead birds

When Fat Woman refers to "killing birds" she doesn't actually mean slaughtering wildlife. Fat Woman leaves that to her cats, who usually prefer rodents and frogs but who have disgraced themselves this week by presenting Fat Woman with a seasonally appropriate robin. Thin Husband refers to the cats as "ground game" and if they keep on with the birds Fat Woman might agree. When Fat Woman talks about killing birds she means pigeons of the clay variety. Fat Woman can see that shooting game is great fun but she has neither the connections or the money she would need to get into game shooting. Clay pigeon shooting is much more convenient and has a much lower cost of entry. Clay pigeons are also reliable and repetitive and actually there when you want to shoot them, unlike the real pigeons in Fat Woman's experience.

Fat Woman now has her own shotgun, a 1999 Browning 425. It is light and pretty and is Fat Woman's favourite new toy. Fat Woman hasn't been so keen on a new toy since she got her first laptop. Even Thin Husband has displayed an interest in Fat Woman's shotgun. Thin Husband asked if Fat Woman was going to name her gun á la Full Metal Jacket and suggested"Robert" as an appropriate first name. Fat Woman pointed out that her gun was a shotgun not a rifle and therefore she neither had to have the gun in bed with her or give it a name. Fat Woman also said that "Robert Browning" was an obvious and not very funny pun. If Fat Woman had been going to name the gun it would be called Gravy. When accepting sporting invitations Fat Woman could say "I'll be there, with Gravy". 

When Fat Woman bought her gun the stock was fifteen inches long. Fat Woman needs a stock which is closer to thirteen inches. The thing about buying a shotgun is that absolutely no one has guns to sell with stocks that short, let alone ones with butts that are properly shaped for a woman. Therefore it is next to impossible to learn to mount a gun properly. Fat Woman's Shooting Coach said Fat Woman should feel free to be gun up at first, especially when shooting with unfitted guns, which was sensible advice. 

Fat Woman was amazed by the number of people who felt that a novice shooting gun up was an affront to human decency. Fat Woman was very sorry to offend but having had a nasty bruise from the time she panicked and didn't mount a gun properly she is disinclined to do anything other that get the gun settled safely in the right place. Of course, most of these offended people were men who failed to connect Fat Woman's technique for mounting a gun with her gifted physical situation. Fat Woman would like have said: "Look, until you have tried mounting a gun with a butt that's pointy in the wrong direction into bazoomas like these you should BUTT OUT."  

Finding a gun to buy was particularly difficult for Fat Woman because the salespeople were keener on making Fat Woman go gun down than finding something for her to buy. The technique for finding a gun to purchase is apparently to hold lots of guns and then decide what you like. Fat Woman would be told she was holding a gun in the wrong way when actually she was compensating for an ill-fitting gun. The cluelessness of everyone surprised Fat Woman no end. Apparently gun shops are not used to dealing with (a) women (b) fat women (c) fat women who don't like being patronised. Even the gun shop that sold Fat Woman her gun  told her she wouldn't be able to test the gun. Fat Woman's Shooting Coach's colleague had to ring up and sort it out for her. Fat Woman wouldn't have bought a gun from a sexist gun shop apart from the fact she really, really wanted that particular gun.

Having spent so long picking up every gun in three counties Fat Woman is able to surprise people with her knowledge. When presented with a contact's very customised Miroku Fat Woman surprised and amazed by guessing it was an MK38. Actually, Fat Woman knows that the MK38 is the best selling Miroku gun and figured it was probably in the right price bracket for the person she was talking to. 

Thin Husband says it is scary how knowledgeable Fat Woman can sound with only the barest smidgeon of information.

Fat Woman immediately took her lovely Browning out to the baby range (slow clays, close in) and powdered birds A (left to right crosser), B (same, slower), C (looper), D (teal), and E (rabbit). Fat Woman then fell down on F, a right to left looper, but got there in the end. The Gunsmith had accompanied Fat Woman and he was kind enough to give her an hour of coaching. Fat Woman failed to get the really far away bird on a different stand, but managed several others and didn't embarrass herself on the skeet range either. Fat Woman was, in fact, awesome for a beginner and Gunsmith said she had a good eye. As Gunsmith has coached world champions this was a great compliment for Fat Woman.

Fat Woman now has to practice with her nicely fitted gun so she can go gun down and stop looking like a very obvious newbie. The only problem with gun down technique is that Fat Woman can't lift the gun in the straight line people keep on demonstrating to her because bits of her get in the way. Fat Woman has to pull the gun around her curve and then pull it back. 

Fat Woman is beginning to think that she is the only fat woman in Britain who goes has ever gone clay pigeon shooting. The only thing to fit Fat Woman so far is the gloves. This is probably because Fat Woman has large hands and long fingers like a man. 

Fat Woman and the game day

Fat Woman wants a gun. Not just any gun because if that were the case Fat Woman would pop over to Tesco and buy herself a water pistol. Fat Woman has set her heart on a 12 bore shotgun. Shooting clay pigeons is Fat Woman's new obsession and once she is awarded her shotgun license she is going to team her ugly green shooting vest and unflattering black wool flat cap with a lovely, shiny gun. Actually, Fat Woman secretly thinks she can look cute in the flat cap, but only when she's done damage limitation A.K.A hair and makeup.

Fat Woman's father has offered to buy Fat Woman the gun she keeps going on and on about. Fat Woman didn't even need to employ the "Please, Daddy!" tactic that got her a treble recorder when she was eight. Fat Woman has accepted her father's very generous offer on the grounds that Thin Husband prefers to encourage Fat Woman to do low cost sports like walking and has displayed no particular enthusiasm for the fact that she has found yet another way to blow fifty pounds between lunch and dinner, let along offered to buy her the most expensive piece of sporting equipment yet. Fat Woman's father is delighted that she is returning to her rural roots by taking up a country sport. Fat Woman's email account is flooded with links to articles on eye dominance and gun balance sent to her by her father. Fat Woman thinks the forwarding of web page addresses is the modern version of a parent putting a newspaper clipping in an envelope and posting it to their child, but she values having something to share with her father who has found her recent interest in sports and physical activity incomprehensaible and rather worrying. Fat Woman does have to listen to lectures on things like the advances in metal production in the latter half of the 20th Century, but she loves her father and if he wants to share the information then it listening is the least Fat Woman can do.

Fat Woman obviously spent a long time talking about the DT10 Trident she had fallen for. That particular DT10 is coming out of Personal Trainer's cold, dead hands, but Fat Woman's father had offered to get her another one. Fat Woman thought about doing a Verucca Salt and saying "I want THAT ONE!" but  Verucca Salt came to a bad end, and secondly, Personal Trainer put a little nick on the rib the first time he did DTL at the gun club. Fat Woman thinks that a gun must be like a boyfriend; if you fall for an unavailable one it must be possible to find one very, very similar that makes you just as happy.

Fat Woman took her father to an open day at a gun dealer. Technically it was a game open day, but the flyer said that "Aya, Rizzini, Browning and Beretta will be here to show you their full range of guns" so Fat Woman thought she could go shopping for her sporting gun. The dealer also promised "over 200 guns in stock".

Funny how none of these guns was deemed suitable for Fat Woman.

In the shop Fat Woman was collared by the pushiest salesperson she has encountered since she was in Morocco. Saleswoman took charge of Fat Woman and swept her off to a sideroom to show her three shotguns. Fat Woman wanted to talk about guns, about balance and barrell material and weight but instead found herself being coached on how to mount the gun under a barage of chat. Fat Woman wasn't massively keen on this because if you've never held a particular gun before let along shot it you have no muscle memory of where it fits into your shoulder but she rolled with it on the grounds that everyone knows more about shooting than she does. However much Saleswoman knows, Fat Woman still doesn't believe that it isn't important to press the gun into your shoulder. Either Saleswoman wasn't telling Fat Woman the important next step of mounting a gun or she was giving out bad information.

Saleswoman identified that Fat Woman needed a 14" stock, or possibly an even shorter one. It was at that point Saleswoman switched from engaging with Fat Woman about what she might like to telling Fat Woman to come back when she'd chosen a gun. Fat Woman was confused. Wasn't she here to get some help finding a gun?

Apparently, the dealer had no suitable guns for Fat Woman to fire. Fat Woman waited for five minutes whilst Saleswoman went off to enquire if there were any suitable guns available at all that day but gave up when she saw Saleswoman with another customer and wandered off to the manufacturer displays.

A pattern emerged where Fat Woman would go up to a rep, look at their demonstration guns and ask if they had the model she wanted to try. The rep would then look embarassed and say that they hadn't brought that one with them.

The Beretta rep hadn't got a 686 gold E, and Ultralight or a DT10.
The Browning rep hadn't got a Cynergy.
The Edgar Brothers rep hadn't got any of the Hatsan Optima range.

The Browning rep said that they couldn't possibly bring their full range of guns with them to an event as that would be an enormous number of weapons to move around. Fat Woman was disppointed that the "full range" claim was actually a big fib but found the Browning rep especailly knowledgable and helpful. The Browning rep told Fat Woman about the Miroku MK38. The Browning rep said that Miroku guns were made in the same factory as Browning guns in a way that Fat Woman thought might be implying that Miroku guns are exactly the same in quality and build as Browning guns. Fat Woman remembers when Kwik-Save baked beans were made in the same factory as Heinz beans and is not falling for that one again. For anyone who doesn't remember Kwik-Save baked beans,  they were low in quality and taste despite their provenence. Nevertheless, Fat Woman will be checking out the Miroku MK38 as soon as she gets a chance as a DT10 owner she met over coffee mentioned the same model.

The Edgar Brothers rep was awfully nice and put together a beeyootiful Zoli for Fat Woman to hold. Fat Woman really, really liked the way it felt and thought she might be tempted to switch brand allegience. When pushed, the Edgar Brothers rep confessed the Zoli would cost five thousand pounds so Fat Woman handed it back with a comical burst of speed. Fat Woman might be enough of a Daddy's girl to let him buy her a shotgun as a gift but she wants him to have enough left for his future nursing home fees.

The Beretta rep was amusing and gave Fat Woman goodies including caps, a stitch-on badge and flourescent yellow wrist snaps. Fat Woman said she knew a little boy who was a big Beretta fan and would make sure he got a cap. Fat Woman also got to handle the DT11, which was an enormous, heavy brute of a stick completely unlike the elegant, sophisiticated  DT10 she fell in love with.

Fat Woman doesn't think the day was entirely a wipe out because her father enjoyed it and she got learned some useful lessons, including don't trust gun salespeople straight off and that she will probably need to shorten the stock and get a gun rebalanced. Fat Woman is not entirely sure that it was worth driving across four counties for though. Fat Woman also thinks that the absolute lack of short stock and light models is evidence of how sexist the retail end of the sport is. Fat Woman would like to know how on earth the best way to find the right gun for you can be to try them all when every time you do try a gun you're told how it doesn't fit you properly? The engineer streak in Fat Woman thinks she might have to try everything with a 14.5" stock so she can see how everything compares.

Fat Woman is also finding it utterly frustrating how everyone keeps insisting you need one gun for sporting and one for skeet and one for trap and one for game. Fat Woman is going to buy just one gun, and she is going to be taking it to gun club to shoot both sporting and DTL even if it isn't competition standard. And if Fat Woman has one gun and gets invited to shoot anything that isn't a clay pigeon she isn't going to run out and buy another gun, the one she has will have to do.

Personal Trainer pointed out that his gun stock is more than 14 inches long and Fat Woman shot perfectly well with that. Personal Trainer also suggested that he take Fat Woman to visit his favourite gun dealer and get some trusted advice. Fat Woman is going to do that because finding the right gun to buy is worse than finding the right shoe, and Fat Woman doesn't even care what the gun looks like on.