Thursday, 18 April 2013

Fat Woman and the merry band

Fat Woman has had trouble with her knees since before she knew Personal Trainer. Fat Woman has been working with Personal Trainer and Osteopath to improve the condition of her knees and this month actually had a whole ten days without knee pain. Then Personal Trainer made Fat Woman spend a session on a treadmill and the knee pain returned. Osteopath said that it was probably the squats that made the left knee a little strained but that it was probably lunges with an over-extended range of motion that did for the right knee. Personal Trainer had made Fat Woman do lots of lunges just that previous week but Fat Woman was a little perturbed about the news that squatting was a possible cause of injury, or as Osteopath pointed out, strain. Fat Woman appreciates there is probably a technical difference between a strain and an injury, but all she knows is that they both hurt. 

Osteopath showed Fat Woman a new variation on the squat. This involves pointing the knees outwards so the pressure falls slightly differently. Personal Trainer was deeply unimpressed with this technique. Despite being incredibly original and inventive in his work Personal Trainer is deeply conservative over some core moves. Personal Trainer put on the I-don't-like-this face and as Fat Woman could tell he was deep into calorie deficit she chose not to push the point. There are times when Fat Woman wishes Personal Trainer would just eat a biscuit. Apparently it is imperative that Personal Trainer has decent looking abs for his holiday in September. Fat Woman is not looking forward to Personal Trainer being under-fed for the next three months. 

\One thing that Personal Trainer and Osteopath do agree on is that Fat Woman could do with strengthening her VMO (vastus medialis obliquus). Personal Trainer suggested it was time to do some work with a resistance band. Fat Woman has had a fear of resistance bands since they day she came across a client of Buddy's who look as though Buddy had tied her with a leash. A big, green silicone leash, but still a leash. Or possible a shackle. Fat Woman had told Personal Trainer that whilst she was willing to accept the utter humiliation of bag pushing and the boredom of the treadmill and even respond to the same hand signals he uses on his dog, he was not putting her on a leash. 

As- Fat Woman is willing to do anything to keep her knees in reasonable condition she ended up agreeing to order a resistance band. Personal Trainer said the range of movement she would need would be less than a metre. So Fat Woman went to eBay and ordered 80cm of resistance band. 

When the resistance band arrived it turned out that Personal Trainer actually meant that Fat Woman would need a loop, not a single length. By the time Personal Trainer had knotted the two ends of the band together and handed it back to Fat Woman it was the size of an Alice band. Fat Woman wears a black elastane Alice band in the gym but thinks green rubber would be a little odd even for her. Wearing green rubber is probably a secret signal for adults of very unusual and NSFW interests. 

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