Friday, 5 April 2013

Fat Woman and the silent treatment

Fat Woman started the session by warning Personal Trainer not to torture her. This was because Fat Woman had been having inexplicable mood swings all morning and hadn't yet isolated the reason. This meant that Fat Woman might react in an out-of-proportion way to something she would normally let slide. Fat Woman has a nasty, vicious streak that she does her best to keep under control but that unfortunately comes out when she is feeling threatened. Personal Trainer once provoked Fat Woman so much that she hit him around the ear with a towel. Personal Trainer made a big fuss at the time, but wasn't actually that bothered being the sort of tough fellow who regularly has other men trying to tear his ears off in the rugby scrum. Fat Woman was extremely bothered that she had been pushed to the point where she hit out at someone. The fact that Fat Woman actually clobbered Personal Trainer had more to do with the fact that she wasn't actually aiming at him. Fat Woman has always said you're safest if she's trying to hit you. Personal Trainer learned that if you have a 300lb+ fat woman who wants you to pass her something so she doesn't break the hellacious wall squat you have her in after 50 minutes of intense work you had better hand whatever it is over, pronto.

Personal Trainer is a cheeky young man who delights in mocking Fat Woman. Fat Woman doesn't usually mind this and gives as good as she gets whilst doing her best to avoid hurting the sensitive youngster's finer feelings. Personal Trainer has developed a very clever way of mocking Fat Woman's boxing efforts with the pads, starting to pad very, very lightly until Fat Woman gets exasperated and hammers back at him. When Fat Woman told Personal Trainer that he wasn't to torture her that day, Personal Trainer started to expound on how torture was good, we like torture. Fat Woman simply raised her eyebrows but when a Random PT was passing by Personal Trainer tried to draw him into the conversation, asking him if he didn't agree that torture was good, that they liked torture. Random PT would not be drawn, saying that he didn't know about that. Personal Trainer kept on, so Fat Woman turned to Random PT and with a sweet smile asked him to remind her  what slots he had available for training.

Personal Trainer did not think this was funny. Random PT laughed in an embarrassed way like he had just been dragged into a domestic. Fat Woman felt slightly bad about the look on Personal Trainer's face but believes that we all have to learn that our actions have consequences and, after all, it wasn't like he hadn't been warned.

Personal Trainer suggested that perhaps they just shouldn't talk and instead have a completely silent session. Fat Woman thought this was a splendid idea as her previous session had definitely had too much chatting from both of them and not quite enough work from her.

Fat Woman and Personal Trainer spent the next hour working in silence. Fat Woman found the lack of chatter a great bonus. Recovery time was speeded up as Fat Woman could control her breathing instead of talking. Personal Trainer and Fat Woman have been working together for so long now that they are very in tune and need to say very little anyway. Sparky gave them no more than a passing puzzled look at the lack of banter but the sight of Fat Woman and Personal Trainer in the boxing ring doing silent pad work attracted a considerable amount of attention. Fat Woman noticed people actually watching and discussing her and Personal Trainer as they worked. Silent pad work has long been Fat Woman's party piece though so she concentrated on putting on a good show, or rather, working hard.

Fat Woman and Personal Trainer got through the rest of training, assisted stretching and arranged to meet outside in three minutes, all without speaking. Fat Woman is worrying what it looks like to the gym staff when she walks into reception, casts a look at Personal Trainer and without a word he gets up and follows her outside, then neither of them come back for hours. Fat Woman would like everyone to know that she was handing over the cake Personal Trainer had commissioned for his mother's birthday and afterwards they went their separate ways.

Fat Woman likes the idea of "Silent Fridays" for training. "Mute Mondays" and "Wordless Wednesdays" also have some appeal. Fat Woman will do almost anything if it helps her smash her way out of her plateau.

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