Fat Woman and the helpful input

Fat Woman likes taking helpful input from people. Fat Woman has a Twitter feed full of tweets from people or organisation that share great information about new exercises, research and food as well as other individuals with an interest in fitness. Fat Woman has also found everyone at the gym very helpful, although possibly a large part of that is that she has always been under the obvious care of Personal Trainer. Upsetting Personal Trainer's client is like upsetting Personal Trainer, and despite him being a genial chap most of the time no one wants that. 

Since becoming an adult Fat Woman has never suffered the verbal abuse that other fat women talk about having to endure on a daily basis. Fat Woman puts this down partly to her air of confidence - Fat Woman is unusually self confident for a human being, never mind a fat woman - and partly because she lives in a small university city with an unusually educated populace. Fat Woman used to get her fair share of randomly thrown abuse as a teenager, but usually from other young people.

Fat Woman found the following words posted as an anonymous comment on her blog:

Do you fat women even realize how fucking ugly you are? I mean I almost vommitted looking at your picture, you fat ass. LOSE SOME FUCKING WEIGHT, YOU DISGUSTING FAT COW!!!!!!!!!

Fat Woman hasn't seen such a fine example of illogical hatred in a long time. 

Fat Woman hasn't actually published a photograph of herself on her blog. Fat Woman hasn't even linked to the little cartoon of herself she uses on Twitter. Fat Woman is amused that a three-letter word comes with such power.

Fat Woman thinks anyone commenting anonymously on a blog has already devalued their message enormously, but that hardly needs saying.

Fat Woman can allow spelling mistakes, but does not think the abuse of punctation and uppercase letters lends gravitas to any message, let alone what can only be called a troll. Fat Woman would like to point out that she is using "troll" as a verb here.

Fat Woman is shaking her head at all the other rookie mistakes the troll (noun) is making here. Fat Woman really hopes the troll generated the warm fuzzy empowered feeling he was hoping for because he hasn't managed to scare, upset or hurt Fat Woman with his badly-typed diatribe. The troll is blog fodder.

Fat Woman would like to make some points for her more logical and engaged readers:

(1) Fat is officially incurable. See this article on cracked.com.

(2) Fat Woman considered "fat" as an insult to have lost its sting after having heard it levelled at the tiniest women who happened to have normal bodies i.e. not the airbrushed limbs of a doll."Fat" as an adjective is comparative. Fat Woman has never heard the word used in a non-bullying way. 

(3) Human bodies aren't disgusting. Anyone disgusted by anything that is more than one deviation from the norm needs some education and some tolerance. Some people look different to the media-presented "normal", and that's okay. The media-presented "normal" is about making money for private company owners. 

(4) Fat Woman doesn't actually care what you think. Fat Woman would prefer it if you had a healthy informed attitude towards human bodies, but you probably have your own issues to deal with.. Fat Woman wonders if wishes were granted how many people would wish to have no fat on their bodies at all. In case that isn't clear to you, if you had no fat you would die.

Fat Woman isn't going to bother justifying how she got fat. It doesn't matter if Fat Woman got fat because she ate all the pies or she had a medical condition. The fact is that Fat Woman is fat, has always been fat and probably always will be fat. Fat Woman is okay with that and is certainly not going to buy into the idea that she is a non-person because she doesn't look like someone in a magazine or on a video. Fat Woman is pretty damn fit now, and almost certainly lives a healthier lifestyle than any troll. 

Fat Woman is writing this post because she would like her readers to realise that fat shaming is a tool used by bullies.Fat Woman would be grateful if people would avoid fat shaming themselves or others, whether that is by refraining from saying "you're so fat" or "I'm so fat" or giving helpful suggestions such as advising on diet. Fat Shaming, like Slut Shaming, is about controlling other people. People shouldn't be controlled, they should be autonomous, and control of other people is the basis of abuse. 

Fat Woman thinks that if you can't understand why it's not okay to tell fat jokes by now you're probably still telling jokes about ethnic minorities.

Fat Woman has put "a better class of troll" on her Amazon wishlist.

Fat Woman and the very odd feeling

Fat Woman had a very odd feeling. Fat Woman was feeling thinner. Fat Woman couldn't remember the last time she felt 'thinner' but suspects it might have been back in January when she bought new gym trouser that didn't make it through their first lifting session. Fat Woman was feeling a little bit lighter, a little bit slimmer.

Fat Woman has struggled through 2013 with regards to weightloss.In January Fat Woman lost just half a pound, but put this down to training for strength not weightloss. At the end of February Fat Woman's weight shot up 4lb in two weeks because her thyroid hormone dose was too high. By the end of March Fat Woman had adjusted her dose downwards and was set to weather the adjustment period. Fat Woman was the slightly under her optimum dose of thyroid replacement hormone and suffered the special effects of too much oestrogen - a beginning of the month that was so painful she ate extra strong co codamol like sweeties, and an awful skin breakout that wouldn't respond to her antibiotic cream. Fat Woman felt like she was 15 again, although at least she still had the car and the credit card as compensation.

Then in May things started to get better again. Fat Woman felt better. Fat Woman saw the numbers on the scale go downwards until they were almost where she was in January. Finally, Fat Woman stood on the scale and saw that it was no longer the-nearly-back-to-where-she-was _81lb but in fact _77.5lb.

Fat Woman doesn't know what she would have done if the scale hadn't shown a lower number than the previous week. It would probably have involved going back to bed for the rest of the day and crying lots. Fat Woman likes the idea of comfort eating but in practice finds it a disappointment. Dairy Milk chocolate tastes like chocolate protein powder.

Fat Woman is very relieved that her body is back under her control. When Fat Woman's hormones are right then eating well is easy and exercise is easy and so weight loss is easy. The only good thing that Fat Woman has to say about the first six months of 2013 is that she didn't quit.

Fat Woman and the drugs again

Fat Woman takes thyroxine. This is because Fat Woman has an underactive thyroid gland. Fat Woman also has the associated auto immune disorder, Hashimoto's syndrome, but that just means that her thyroid gland is being attacked by her own body. Fat Woman got fat because of the underactive thyroid, but she doesn't like be defensive about it. Fat Woman is still fat and is probably going to stay some level of fat her entire life because there is no evidence she can find of any woman with Hashimoto's syndrome losing 200lb.

Fat Woman struggles with her thyroid hormone levels. When Fat Woman loses weight her body needs slightly less thyroxine. First Fat Woman loses weight speedily because she is slightly over-medicated, then her weight loss crashes to a halt because she is definitely over-medicated. Fat Woman uses the NHS for her tests and it has been a struggle to be allowed more than a test once-every-six-months. Fat Woman is allowed more tests than that but relies on monitoring her symptoms to guess what her hormone levels are and  then gets a blood test to confirm it.

Right now Fat Woman has no idea whether her dose is too much or too little. Fat Woman has dry eyes for the first time ever. This is not only a new symptom but particularly galling as she was trying to get contact lenses. Fat Woman's tear response was apparently eight seconds instead of the usual two. Fat Woman hasn't had contact lenses for twenty years and was so looking forward to having them.

Fat Woman is also very cold. The weather where Fat Woman lives has recently changed to be much colder than is usual for the time of year. This means that Fat Woman has no warm winter coat that fits her and can't yet buy one in the shops because they have only light Autumn coats. Fat Woman tries to remember that she is lucky to have a house with central heating and coats that help keep her warm even if they are five sizes too big for her. Fat Woman is getting to the point where she is going to blow a hundred and something pounds on a decent coat even if it is too big for her by February.

The symptoms lead Fat Woman to think she is on the slightly low side of dosing but she is loath to change her dose in case it is a temporary blip.

Fat Woman considers it incredibly unfair that people assume that layers of fat keep you warm. Fat Woman isn't warm on the inside at all.

Fat Woman is very tired of having her hard work wasted because her thyroid dose isn't right. Every choice made is not progress but at best damage limitation. Fat Woman also finds it wearing that no one she knows in real life seems to understand the full extent of the problems an underactive thyroid causes. When Personal Trainer announced he thought Fat Woman was losing weight again because she had been retaining water Fat Woman just looked at him without knowing what to say.

Fat Woman would love to be one of those people who ate themselves fat with junk food and by drinking fizzy drinks. That would mean that Fat Woman would be finding the weight just falling off her without any crappy hormonal complications.

Fat Woman would get her thyroid cut out in a heartbeat if it meant an end to the up and down. Looking forever like your throat has been slashed has got to be better than this.

The only reason that Fat Woman hasn't rung Personal Trainer and said she isn't coming in today is because Fat Woman believes that if you stop for a good reason you'll stop for a bad reason. That and she doesn't want to cry down the phone to Personal Trainer. Fat Woman has some pride left.

Some days the pride is all that's holding Fat Woman up.

Fat Woman takes First Friend to the gym

Fat Woman's First Friend came to visit. Fat Woman would say that First Friend is her oldest friend, but that makes First Friend sound ancient. First Friend is actually Fat Woman's longest-standing friend. First Friend is an amazing PE teacher, dancer and sportswoman. First Friend and Fat Woman had PE together for a year of primary school and five years of secondary school. First Friend talks about Fat Girl to her students, who love to hear stories of First Friend and Fat Girl together in class.

Fat Woman hasn't seen First Friend since the day they discussed whether Fat Woman should get a personal trainer. Fat Woman remembers the discussion of the difference between intrinsic motivation, rewards and external motivation. Fat Woman is a very externally motivated person, although her intrinsic motivation regarding exercise is growing. It was the conversation with First Friend that Fat Woman decided that she would invest in herself and pay for someone to give her the support she needs.

During her visit First Friend confided that if she lived closer to Fat Woman she would have trained Fat Woman herself. Fat Woman was touched by this thought, but thinks that things probably worked out better the way they are.

Fat Woman had been really looking forward to surprising First Friend with her progress. First Friend did not disappoint. First Friend was as proud of Fat Woman and as pleased for Fat Woman as anyone could have hoped. Fat Woman really needed someone who loved her to tell her how well she had done and exclaim with surprise and pleasure. Fat Woman knows that First Friend understands how hard things have been for Fat Woman. First Friend was overjoyed to see the difference in Fat Woman, and Fat Woman loved having someone give her the acclaim and credit she tries not to need but really she desperately wants.

In the afternoon Fat Woman and First Friend went to the gym. Fat Woman wanted to show First Friend where she spends the majority of her time. First Friend is recovering from a hamstring injury and was keen to test out going to a gym again before she starts her new membership next week. Fat Woman and First Friend did a warm up on the stationary bikes and found they were fairly evenly matched. After that, First Friend took to the epilepticals and Fat Woman rowed for a while. Then Fat Woman introduced First Friend to pad work.

First Friend had never done any boxing pad work before. Fat Woman loved being able to introduce her super sporty friend to a new sport, and First Friend loved pad work. Fat Woman and First Friend had an amazing time doing pad work, laughing and having fun in a way that Fat Woman didn't think was possible in the gym.

Fat Woman had said to both Personal Trainer and First Friend that she would like to introduce them. Fat Woman would have liked the introduction to have happened in a social setting when Personal Trainer and First Friend would have had the chance to discover they had several things in common, but in the gym there wasn't time to discuss anything except Fat Woman and how well she had done. Personal Trainer was actually heard to say that yes, Fat Woman had done really well.

The highlight of First Friend's visit for Fat Woman was when First Friend watched Fat Woman do pad work with Personal Trainer. This was nice of Personal Trainer as he was in the middle of his own workout with Buddy. Fat Woman considers no-talking pad work with Personal Trainer a party piece. Fat Woman loves when they work in silence except for Personal Trainer occassionally quietly sayin numbers, with the gloves and the pads slamming together and the sound bouncing back from the high walls of the gym. First Friend found the display even more impressive than Fat Woman had hoped. First Friend said so many nice things including that Fat Woman looked fit and slim and athletic moving around, ducking and punching. First Friend confessed that she had thought: "God, I don't think I could do that!" First Friend even said that when she watched Buddy and Personal Trainer do pads that Buddy had a better guard, but other than that there wasn't much between him and Fat Woman.

Fat Woman explained the short-arms-big-breasts problem.

Then First Friend and Fat Woman did mat work, and First Friend was amazed at Fat Woman's ability to do sit ups. After all the compliments Fat Woman thought First Friend deserved a rest so they spent the next ninety minutes in the hot tub and steam room, talking non stop.

Fat Woman adored being able to share what is a huge part of her life with someone who could understood both her life before she started working out and how life actually is now she is committed to exercise.  It was an incredible feeling for Fat Woman to find that she is as fit as her fit friend, keeping up with her and even doing better than her in some areas.

Fat Woman wishes that she had a friend she could work out with in the same way she can with First Friend. Fat Woman would give an awful lot to find someone with a similar level of  ability and need, and also dedication. As such people are apparently extremely rare, Fat Woman is once again glad for Personal Trainer.

Fat Woman is anti-obesity

Fat Woman is not a very good "morbidly obese" person. Fat Woman does not feel shame or find herself disgusting. Even worse, Fat Woman does not believe that her fat will bring about her certain death. Fat Woman agrees that her eventually death is a given, but if fat was an actual cause of death she would have been dead before she was ten years old. Certainly Fat Woman wouldn't have made it past 30 years if fat was an actual cause of dying.

Fat Woman also takes issue with the word "obese". Fat Woman considers its definition "excessively fat or fleshy"  to be judgemental. What amount of flesh is excessive, and who decided that anyway? The root of the word "obese" is from the Latin "obesus". This means "to eat intensively" (ob- is "intensive", and "edere" is "to eat"). Fat Woman has done a fair amount of eating over the years but does not remember eating intensively for more than the occasional meal, or even for one extremely large meal that left her obese. Fat Woman ate  until she was full. On calculating her rate of weight gain over 25 years Fat Woman ate an excess of just 134 calories per day. Fat Woman does not consider an extra 135 calories each day to be  "eating intensively". 135 calories is a low fat Starbucks cappuccino.

Fat Woman has checked out the  BMI (Body Mass Index) tables. Fat Woman is 5 feet 4 and a half inches tall, although she will claim 5'5" for the purposes of using the BMI tables. The highest "healthy" BMI is 24. To have a BMI of 24 Fat Woman would need to weigh 145lb (10 stone 5lb)  or 65.9kg.

According to measurements of weight and  body fat composition the lean mass of Fat Woman's body is 70kg. If Fat Woman has a body fat percentage of 30%, the highest healthy percentage for a woman her age, her weight would be be 220lb. Fat Woman's BMI would be 36 and she would still be classed as "obese". 


Fat Woman thinks it is time to (1) stop pushing BMI as a measurement of body health and start pushing body fat composition instead and (2) find a better word than "obesity".