Sunday, 22 July 2012

Fat Woman and Personal Trainer fall out

Fat Woman and Personal Trainer have had a falling out. At 10pm on Tuesday everything seemed fine. By 8pm on Friday the reactor had gone into meltdown.

There wasn't any shouting or swearing. Fat Woman doesn't do shouting or swearing. Fat Woman doesn't do drama either, but Personal Trainer is young and earnest and wasn't feeling able to hold on to the issues until Monday so a very intense conversation was held in the gym café with half a dozen people knowing that Something Was Going On.

Fat Woman won't divulge exactly what happened, but it was based on a fundamental misunderstanding. Fat Woman thought she was doing what Personal Trainer wanted. Personal Trainer felt he was being taken advantage of in quite a serious way. Fat Woman pointed out that this was unfair when she had offered option A and Personal Trainer had refused. Option B was what Personal Trainer wanted. Personal Trainer explained that he didn't think that was how Option B was working. Fat Woman was left thinking that you had to be a little clueless to think Option B worked like that, and it wasn't like she hadn't explained it three times. Fat Woman accepts that both she and Personal Trainer were saying things and the other one wasn't understanding what was being said.

Personal Trainer has a habit of conducting difficult conversation by perching on a chair to talk down to Fat Woman. Fat Woman is not sure whether to find it annoying or endearing that Personal Trainer feels he needs that advantage.

Fat Woman was not pleased to find that Personal Trainer had taken umbrage that Fat Woman had trained with Swimming Coach on Wednesday morning. Personal Trainer had been unable to do Fat Woman's session, which Fat Woman was fine with, but that was the only time she could train that day, or even in the next three days. Fat Woman feels slightly itchy at the idea that she has an obligation to tell Personal Trainer if she has professional relationships with other people. Fat Woman doesn't mind telling if Personal Trainer had requested at the beginning that would happen as a courtesy, but there is something that doesn't sit right with Fat Woman. Personal Trainer doesn't require Fat Woman to tell him when she is going to tennis, archery, shooting, hockey or tai chi coaching. Fat Woman pointed out to Personal Trainer that no one messes with his training, and that applies to her as well.

On Monday Personal Trainer said he felt that Swimming Coach set Fat Woman back when she trained with him. On Friday Personal Trainer told Fat Woman he had discussed referring he to Swimming Coach for when Personal Trainer changes gyms in the Autumn. Fat Woman felt her eyebrows wedge themselves in her hairline at that point. Fat Woman has known for a while that Personal Trainer is changing gyms. Fat Woman has been very supportive, even promising to come and train with Personal Trainer in his new gym. This would mean a 20 mile drive for Fat Woman rather than her current 4 mile drive. Fat Woman thinks that Personal Trainer is worth it.

Fat Woman has no idea where her relationship with Personal Trainer is going now. During the conversation Personal Trainer said he "thought we were friends". Fat Woman is happy to consider Personal Trainer a friend, and they have had some very intimate conversations, but Fat Woman has had experience of workplace friendships before. Fat Woman has found that if you are friends with someone solely within your workplace and you don't see them outside of work or call them socially then the friendship is not necessarily solid. Fat Woman has been burned before, particularly by men who are happy to have a friendship when it is supported by a framework such as mutual workplace but who won't put any effort in outside. Fat Woman is not saying that Personal Trainer is like that, but she had no expectations. 

Fat Woman is continuing to train with Personal Trainer. Fat Woman had never thought of discontinuing and was rather taken aback when Personal Trainer raised the possibility. It was then that Fat Woman realised how upset Personal Trainer was. Fat Woman pointed out that the two of them having a very public break up would not do Personal Trainer's business any good, and that she didn't feel that was necessary anyway. Fat Woman asked Personal Trainer if it was the case that he didn't want her to train with him at his next gym. Personal Trainer seemed reassured by Fat Woman's commitment to training with him and said that wasn't the case, and also that he had worried about the aftermath of the conversation.

Fat Woman feels that she is taking emotional responsibility for this interaction. Fat Woman is not sharing how some of the things said made her feel. Fat Woman actually feels misunderstood and that her fingers have been a little burned, although she is glad to hear that Personal Trainer does value - or possibly has valued - her friendship. It certainly comes across that Personal Trainer doesn't place much value on the work Fat Woman was doing for him.

Personal Trainer ended the conversation by hugging Fat Woman. Fat Woman was shocked. Fat Woman and Personal Trainer do not usually touch, let alone hug in front of a room full of people. However, such an unusual step gave Fat Woman hope that perhaps Personal Trainer would get over the events enough for them to resume a friendly training relationship. Personal Trainer is away for a week after training Fat Woman on Monday. Fat Woman could use a break right now.

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