Wednesday, 25 July 2012

Fat Woman gets a holiday

Fat Woman gets a holiday - from Personal Trainer. Personal Trainer is going on holiday with Buddy for a week. Fat Woman was channelling her dear departed grandmother and gave Personal Trainer a 20 Euro note and told him to buy Buddy an ice-cream. Personal Trainer said he thought this was very sweet. Fat Woman feels guilty because what she really wants is a break from Personal Trainer, or rather the awkwardness which now sits between her and Personal Trainer. Both Fat Woman and Personal Trainer are being so damn careful with each other. Fat Woman enquired if there was anything Personal Trainer did or didn't want her to do in his absence, or anything he wanted her to consider when training with Swimming Coach. Personal Trainer swore up and down that anything Fat Woman wanted to do was absolutely fine with him. It was all a bit of a turn around from the previous week.

Fat Woman is hoping that a week away will do them both good and provide a reset. Fat Woman misses the easy intimacy they used to have. Fat Woman is fairly sure that it is she who is holding back. Fat Woman thinks that perhaps her availability and listening ear during workouts made it too easy for Personal Trainer. Fat Woman would be happy to give Personal Trainer any time he wants, but long in-depth personal conversations shouldn't happen during Fat Woman's workout. They used to, and Fat Woman enjoyed them and valued them, but Fat Woman wants to work harder now. This is lucky because on both Monday and today Personal Trainer made Fat Woman work really, really hard. 

Fat Woman doesn't know where the boundary should go when it comes to being close personal friends with your personal trainer. Fat Woman has always guarded against any suggestion of impropriety with Personal Trainer because right from the word go people would ask her if her trainer was good looking. Fat Woman would say: "He's very pretty,-" which was true, but allowed her to signal that Personal Trainer wasn't someone she could find attractive. When chatting with the young of the two female personal trainers Fat Woman was asked if she didn't find Personal Trainer attractive. Fat Woman snorted and said that she didn't, and that she wasn't sure who was the most grateful about that, herself or Personal Trainer!

Fat Woman just doesn't know how to be "friends" with someone nearly fifteen years younger who has almost nothing in common with her. Fat Woman adores Personal Trainer and enjoyed (enjoys?) their friendship, but cannot, will not, make any kind of sacrifice of her health to support a relationship. Fat Woman also feels that if you value someone as a personal friend then eventually you make an effort to move the relationship out of the workplace. If you don't then you have a "work friend" with whom you will probably stop associating with once you no longer share a workplace. Fat Woman isn't sure that Personal Trainer sees it quite like this.

Fat Woman would give anything to be able to undo what has been done. Anything except her progress in her health that is. 

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