Wednesday 5 December 2012

Fat Woman and the narrow escape

Fat Woman and Personal Trainer were in the car park, swapping goodies. This kind of thing happens at least once a month, usually after a training session and nearly always involving some kind of food. On this particular occasion Personal Trainer was getting cashew nut flapjacks because Fat Woman had gone down another jeans size and that is what happens when Fat Woman buys new jeans. Fat Woman was getting her kitchen knives returned to her. Personal Trainer had sharpened the knives for Fat Woman as her Christmas present. Fat Woman likes gifts, but she appreciates a decently sharp kitchen knife even  more. Personal Trainer was also receiving the electric blue shoelaces that he had been waiting for since September. Fat Woman has yet to see Personal Trainer wearing the glow-in-the-dark shoelaces she bought him the previous week, but the gym tends to be well-lit so that is not surprising.

Fat Woman was standing at the boot of her car admiring the beautiful finish Personal Trainer had put on the edge of her carving knife, not to mention the skilful way he had honed the edge of her sabatier chef's knife, when a movement caught her eye. Turning, Fat Woman found a white sedan, without driver, heading towards her and gathering speed, whilst some numpty (the driver) faffed around with his mobile phone. Fat Woman found herself frozen, watching in slow motion as the driver suddenly realised his car was moving without him and dived inefficiently for the hand brake.

Before Fat Woman could move or speak Personal Trainer darted in front of her and stopped the rolling vehicle. It was like watching Superman stop the train, only with bigger muscles. Personal Trainer braced himself and pushed back and eventually the car stopped moving. Fat Woman went hot and cold because if she had been on her own, if she hadn't turned around the car would have gathered momentum and slammed into her, pinning her between the white sedan and the boot of her own car. Fat Woman isn't usually a drama queen, but she is fairly sure that the rate of acceleration of the sedan would have been enough to crush her legs.

Fat Woman considers Personal Trainer to have saved her from a horribly, grisly injury. Personal Trainer shrugged it off as unimportant. Fat Woman thinks it would be more important to Personal Trainer if it had been (1) his car and (2) his legs.

Fat Woman cannot think of a suitable way to express her gratitude for Personal Trainer's speed, strength and action, but thinks cake will probably do in the short term.

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