Friday, 23 November 2012

Fat Woman and the hamstring curls

Fat Woman asked Personal Trainer if they could work very hard for the next three weeks until the end of their first year together. Fat Woman mentions this so that Personal Trainer knows that they have a landmark coming up. Fat Woman doesn't expect Personal Trainer to mark the occasion in any way - after all, she is only one of his many clients - but it is a huge deal for Fat Woman. Fat Woman never expected to train this long or this much or to achieve what she has achieved. A year later and Fat Woman feels so different physically that sometimes she finds it hard to remember how tiring everything was, and how much worry and planning she had to do all the time.

Fat Woman would make a cake to celebrate, but then someone would have to eat it.

Fat Woman also thought about telling Personal Trainer how grateful she is, how much it all means to her, how much his support and friendship mean to her etc etc but decided it would just embarrass both of them. Instead Fat Woman will buy Personal Trainer a mug with "Best Personal Trainer In The World" on it. Or possibly a water bottle.

Personal Trainer might not be intending to buy Fat Woman flowers for their anniversary but he is invested in her end-of-year results. Last session Fat Woman worked so hard that she was super hungry all evening and ate an extra 500 calories. This session Personal Trainer introduced Fat Woman to the weighted hamstring curl but only asking permission to make Fat Woman "hurt tomorrow." Fat Woman thinks that hurt tomorrow is like jam tomorrow, it might arrive but it might not so of course she agreed to hamstring curls. Frankly, Fat Woman's hamstrings need to be taught a lesson because they require horrendous amounts of stretching to the point that Fat Woman would take assisted stretching at the end of a workout over a voucher for a massage any day. Fat Woman likes that she is actually quite flexible (thanks to Tai Chi) and makes Personal Trainer work hard during stretching.

Fat Woman found herself lying face down on a gym bench gripping a dumbell between her feet and doing hamstring curls. The dumbell was 10kg. Lifting the weight was hard for Fat Woman but staying on the narrow little bench was even harder. Fat Woman was face down, balanced on something narrower than her ironing board trying not to draw a mental comparison between her undignified position and beached whales when she realised that to do the exercise her knees needed to be firmly on the bench, and that this was not where they naturally fell. Fat Woman managed to get through three sets of hamstring curls by clamping her knees together in a way that would make a nun proud.

After the three sets Fat Woman told Personal Trainer that it would be easier if she was doing it on a wider bench. All Personal Trainer had to say was: "Request denied." Fat Woman thought this was a strange thing to say, but then asked if perhaps he was saying that because he didn't have a wider bench. Personal Trainer admitted this was the case.

Fat Woman is going to make sure she never gets sent to prison and therefore never has to sleep in a terribly narrow bed.

No comments:

Post a Comment