Friday, 15 November 2013

Fat Woman and the number of the day

Fat Woman likes numbers, particularly 256 but that's just a personal quirk left over from her computer spod days. Numbers are quantifiable. They prove things. When things are valued numerically you know where you are. And if you don't like what you're seeing rather than changing the number you can measure something else, such as body fat percentage rather than weight.

Personal Trainer has two main ways of torturing Fat Woman. In her heart-raising muscle-building sweat-and-pain-inducing workouts Fat Woman usually either works to time or she works to reps. Fat Woman prefers reps to time for some unknown mental reason, probably because you are more in control with reps whereas working to time is a pain unless you can watch the clock because you have to know how much time is left to be able to conserve just enough strength to get through it. Fat Woman likes Tabata workouts because 20 seconds is easy to quantify .German interval training sends Fat Woman to sleep.

Personal Trainer used to give Fat Woman nice friendly little numbers. Fat Woman hasn't seen a number under fifteen for ages. Fat Woman can live with this as she is getting stronger all the time, as well as faster and better in form. Still, Fat Woman thinks fondly of the days when ten of anything was expected of her and she got a rest. Now Personal Trainer expects multiples of tens.

Personal Trainer has a new number. That number is 100.

It is lucky that Fat Woman appreciates the symmetry of numbers and how things multiply because she did non-stop sets of 20 TRX bodyweight squats to a depth that not even an Olympic lifter would sneer at followed by 20 dumbbell straight legged deadlifts five times in a row without rest or mercy. And if anyone is thinking that isn't a lot of squats Fat Woman would like to point out that when she's squatting her own bodyweight she's probably lifting more than you do anyway.

Fat Woman has the worst DOMS she's had in weeks and her only satisfaction is that having made her in pain and therefore grumpy Personal Trainer is going to have to put up with her for an hour. Fat Woman also has the Sesame Street pinball song about numbers stuck in her head and may have to sing it out loud to kill the earworm.


Fat Woman is also remembering 5-4-3-2-1 chocolate bars but can't remember how they tasted.

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