Thursday, 27 September 2012

Fat Woman and the haystack

Fat Woman is wondering when she gets to declare something the last straw that broke the camel's back. Fat Woman isn't entirely sure what the breaking of the camel's back symbolizes but if there was ever a day that it was close it was this one.

Today Fat Woman didn't exercise. At all. Fat Woman walked from the house to the car and not much further. Today was the first day when Fat Woman packed her bags, went to the gym and decided not to work out. Fat Woman justified it in her head - upsetting parting with friend, traffic was awful, needed food, have other commitment - but underneath all the excuses Fat Woman simply didn't want to.

Fat Woman has stepped off the cliff.

Fat Woman is currently thinking "Why do I bother?" Despite her healthy lifestyle, her pristine diet, her good mental health and her regular and rigorous and well-directed exercise, once again Fat Woman's body has turned on her. This time, there is nothing to be done.

It started when Fat Woman went to get contact lenses. Fat Woman has worn glasses her entire life and was excited to be able to get soft contact lenses that could give her good vision. As the Optician shone a light on to the back of Fat Woman's retina, Fat Woman thought that the light was making her eyes dry. Then the Optician did a tear breakup test. Dye is put into the eye and the Optician checks how long it takes for the tears to wash the dye away. Fat Woman was shocked to be told that whilst a normal response rate is two seconds her response rate was eight seconds. Fat Woman has worn cosmetic contact lenses without trouble in recent years and has never noticed any dryness of her eyes.

A week later Fat Woman's eyes were so painful that she had to visit the doctor. Fat Woman adores her doctor who works with patients and admits when she doesn't know something. The doctor essentially said dry eyes is very common and in Fat Woman's case that it was probably auto-immune related, but although there would be blood tests there was no cure, only management with drops. Hyperthyroidism is associated with eye problems, so Fat Woman is wondering if her occasional over-medication could be complicit. A side effect of levothyroxine is dry eyes but the doctor said there was no way Fat Woman should stop taking that.

The doctor asked Fat Woman if she had a dry throat. At the time, Fat Woman had not, but over the last two days has been sucking sweets for release from throat dryness. The doctor mentioned Sjorgen's syndrome and seemed quite pleased that Fat Woman didn't appear to have it. Fat Woman is hoping like hell that she doesn't.

Fat Woman is trying not to panic, but when the best thing you read about your best hope condition is that the best case scenario is that the condition goes away after two years leaving "some damage" it is rather worrying.

Fat Woman has cancelled her contact lens fitting.

Fat Woman is so tired of fighting with her own body. The number of auto-immune conditions Fat Woman has is rising. This is very frightening.

Fat Woman would like to stop fighting now please.

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