Saturday, 1 September 2012

Personal Trainer is leaving

Personal Trainer is leaving Fat Woman's gym. Fat Woman has had a while to get used to the idea. In fact, the "I'm leaving" shock didn't really touch Fat Woman whose mental capacity on hearing the news was to ask where Personal Trainer was going and work out how far away it was. There was a teeny point in time of approximately twenty seconds when there was a possibility that Fat Woman would have to find a new trainer, but Fat Woman will be travelling to see Personal Trainer at his new gym. Fat Woman has calculated that at best it will be an extra seven minutes each way. Fat Woman is therefore cheerful about the move and doesn't really think it affects her.

Personal Trainer has been at the gym since he started working as a Personal Trainer. Fat Woman suspects he is a little bit apprehensive about leaving, as well as excited. Personal Trainer is quite popular, and Fat Woman hopes that his friends will make him feel appreciated.

Fat Woman did her part towards making Personal Trainer feel appreciated by buying a "Sorry you're leaving card" from Marks & Spencer and spending the last month getting everyone at BoxFit class to sign it. Fat Woman also bought a helium balloon saying "Good Luck" on it. Fat Woman got the longest attending lady to present the card, and the youngest, prettiest lady to present the balloon. Fat Woman disguised the balloon in shopping bags during class. Fat Woman likes both ladies and fancies they were the ones who would most appreciate the chance to give Personal Trainer a kiss. Fat Woman doesn't want to be kissing Personal Trainer. The day before Fat Woman woke with a shocked start from a dream where Personal Trainer kissed her on the cheek. Fat Woman was extremely relieved to find out that dream dictionaries consider a kiss on the cheek to be a symbol of friendship and respect.

Fat Woman also made up a gag gift for Timmy who works in the café. Fat Woman likes Timmy, he's good for a laugh and even some flirty banter. On Friday night Fat Woman went looking for ice and Timmy said: "You look hot!" Fat Woman can never miss an opportunity for comedy so turned to the little young, blonde receptionist standing next to Timmy and said: "I bet when young men say that to you they mean something different." Timmy is nice enough and likes Fat Woman enough to continue the joke by saying "That's exactly what I meant."

Timmy had the idea of presenting Personal Trainer with a champagne bucket to commemorate the recent occasion when Personal Trainer drank so much he had to throw up into a champagne bucket. Fat Woman doesn't approve of quite that level of drunken behaviour, but it had been the source of much merriment and teasing. Timmy confided to Fat Woman that he had failed to find anything suitable. Fat Woman was tickled by the idea, and found a solution during the break between training and BoxFit. despite being unable to find the silver ice-bucket that Thin Husband hates with a passion, she used a can of spray paint and a cut-down protein powder pot to whip up a champagne bucket. Fat Woman used polystyrene chips instead of ice and added a little bottle of champagne for scale. Fat Woman had been given the champagne as part of a classical concert experience when she was 17. Fat Woman only kept the bottle because her mother thought she should. Fat Woman has since experienced much nicer champagnes. Fat Woman wrapped the whole lot up with the fancy clear plastic wrap she uses for toffee apples and cookies and tied it with a big bow of black ribbon left over from her choir cake. Personal Trainer laughed so loud Fat Woman could here him in the changing room.

Fat Woman was invited to Personal Trainer's leaving drinks at uber trendy bar/club but declined on the grounds the invitation was issued after she teased him that he hadn't invited her. Personal Trainer said he hadn't invited Fat Woman because he didn't think it was her sort of thing. Fat Woman agreed thoroughly with this and pointed out that Personal Trainer was leaving the gym, not her. Personal Trainer seemed very comfortable with this idea. Fat Woman used the same line with three other women of a similar age. When they asked if Fat Woman was attending Personal Trainer's leaving drinks Fat Woman would laugh a little, pull a face and say the bar wasn't really her sort of thing, so she'd declined on the grounds that Personal Trainer wasn't leaving her. All three women nodded understandingly and said they would drop in for one drink. Fat Woman is very glad not to have to brave the under-dressed and under-aged crowds in town on a Saturday evening.

Fat Woman doesn't think Personal Trainer is going to be up for shooting on Sunday.

Fat Woman hopes that Personal Trainer is clued up enough to realise that she has done a fair bit to mark this big event in his life. Personal Trainer is likely to be sensitive enough to feel badly if he thinks Fat Woman hasn't done anything.

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