Thursday 9 February 2012

Fat Woman gets chatted up

Fat Woman is spending a lot of time at the gym. Fat Woman goes to the gym so often that she has had to buy another set of gym clothes in order to keep up with the washing. Fat Woman is also learning the names of the reception staff and starting to have actual conversation with them. Fat Woman is becoming a Gym Regular. Fat Woman has a preferred locker and a preferred exercise bike and a preferred shower cubicle, each of which comes with subtle advantages that others may not have twigged. Fat Woman likes the shower cubicle on the end because it is 20% larger due to the shape of the room. Fat Woman likes locker number 314 because it is close to the shower area making the naked-but-for-a-towel after shower walk much shorter. Fat Woman also appreciates the warm air from the shower area, and also being around the corner from the draughty main entrance. Fat Woman only has to choose another locker when it is Aquarobics class. Aquarobics is full of older ladies who have many years of experience and are frankly crafty. Fat Woman is not yet ready to count herself as an older lady but will admit to admiring the wisdom of years.

Fat Woman has a preference for one machine out of every row of identical machines. Last month Fat Woman adjusted the foot straps on stationary bike number 4 to fit her wide feet. Fat Woman checks every time but no one has altered the footstraps since. Fat Woman picked that bike because of the good view of the TV and because the rider faces away from the majority of the room. Fat Woman likes rowing machine number 3 because it sits in front of the stair climber. The stair climber is rarely used so no one is looking down on Fat Woman whilst she hauls away. Fat Woman was intending to issue an exception for the treadmills because she dislikes them all equally but actually Fat Woman likes number 7 because she can watch the whole room unobserved.

Happily, Fat Woman is a fat woman of a certain age and is therefore invisible to most people on the gym floor. Fat Woman is suited by this state of affairs and encourages it by dressing in dark colours and not looking at other people. Fat Woman wouldn't like to think someone was watching her so Fat Woman gives others the same consideration. Fat Woman extends this to the pretty people as well, considering they do not want to be visual eye candy in the same way Fat Woman doesn't want to be visual humour. Fat Woman does not expect the gentlemen of the gym to extend the same courtesies whilst the young ladies are wearing gear, such as the see-through leggings over a thong such as Fat Woman saw yesterday. Fat Woman never says anything but is sometimes sorely tempted to mention the visibility of underwear through old or stretched gym wear.

Fat Woman was very surprise when a good looking and obviously fit young man introduced himself  and started a conversation with Fat Woman. Fat Woman is mostly over her teenage years but has found that good looking people tend to ignore those who are less good looking. Fat Woman isn't bothered by this because if Fat Woman wants to be the life and soul of the party with the attention of everyone then Fat Woman is. Fat Woman has also found that once the mating game is over even the best looking of her friends became more interested in personality than looks. Fat Woman doesn't see the person who told her that her amazing wit and sparkling personality made up for her fatness any more because that person didn't have amazing wit or a sparkling personality and Fat Woman also got eye strain from the excessive eye rolling when with this person. Fat Woman remembers a bullying technique when a good looking boy would start talking to a plainer girl, being particularly friendly, only to mock her with his friends minutes later saying "How could you think someone like me would want to talk to someone like you?" Fat Woman was always friends with everyone she wanted to because of her sparkling personality and amazing wit and felt only pity for the young people who would lose their looks and have nothing of value left for their later lives. Fat Woman feels it prudent to be chary of people to whom one has not been introduced for all sorts of reasons, so was a little reserved with this handsome young man who had noticed her boxing and was asking if she was training for anything particular. Fat Woman was rather caught on the hop by someone noticing her, but assumed the young man's interest in the sport has overcome her invisibility field. The young man offered to answer any questions or give advice but by that time Fat Woman had realised that the young man was in fact a personal trainer touting for business. Fat Woman already had a personal trainer, albeit one who was later fired on account they had only managed one session and had missed the next two, so extracted herself from the conversation relatively quickly on the grounds that she wasn't in the market for another trainer.

As it turned out, Fat Woman fired the missing personal trainer and hired the handsome young man instead. Fat Woman was impressed by the way the young man saw her as a person, not as a Fat Woman. This was in stark contrast to the missing personal trainer who Fat Woman thought of as Personal Trainer Barbie. Fat Woman has been working very successfully with the young man who is now Personal Trainer since the middle of December. Fat Woman is more confident in the gym and feels able to work out alone.

Fat Woman wishes she had a t-shirt saying "Property of Personal Trainer. Back off!." January was a special month.

New Personal Trainer spots Fat Woman working out.
New Personal Trainer evaluates Fat Woman's health and thinks "That person obviously needs help with nutrition and exercise. Long term help. Profitable long-term help."
New Personal Trainer finds an excuse to talk to Fat Woman.
Fat Woman engages in conversation.
New Personal Trainer enquires how long Fat Woman has been coming to the gym.
Fat Woman admits she has been a member for 3+ years.
New Personal Trainer thinks "Classic case where it obviously isn't working for you. Probably because you eat pies all day and are completely ignorant about proper nutrition."
New Personal Trainer lets slip they are a personal trainer.
Fat Woman explains she has a personal trainer she is very happy with.
New Personal trainer makes a sharp exit.

Fat Woman doesn't mind being a sales target, but would appreciate it if the exit was a little less sharp. The sharp exit indicates that Fat Woman is no longer worth talking with. Fat Woman has more respect for the trainers who use the friendly conversation as the start of a relationship as a long term investment until Fat Woman wants a new Personal Trainer.

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