Wednesday, 29 February 2012

15 reasons why Fat Woman (and anyone else over 300lb) needs a personal trainer

Fat Woman brings you the reasons why she, or anyone else who weighs more than 300lb, should have a personal trainer.Fat Woman admits that Personal Trainer is awesome, but even subtracting a good handful of awesomeness she believes that properly fat people shouldn't try to struggle on alone but should get a personal trainer.

  1. Personal Trainer legitimises Fat Woman's presence at the gym. Fat Woman is obviously where she is meant to be if she is with Personal Trainer. Depending on the gym culture, Fat Woman on her own might be on the wrong end of some what-do-you-think-you're-doing-here looks. Fat Woman isn't bothered by those but it's so nice not to have to ignore childish tittering, sideways glances and behind-hands conversation. 
  2. Personal Trainer stops Fat Woman looking stupid. Fat Woman never has to struggle with adjusting straps or setting up a machine because Personal Trainer does that for her the first time and shows her how for the next time. 
  3. Personal Trainer makes training easy for Fat Woman. Even when Fat Woman could barely make it through an hour Personal Trainer never gave her more than she could do. Personal Trainer is extremely good at watching Fat Woman's face, breathing and response times and adjusting the next thing he says accordingly. 
  4. Personal Trainer sees Fat Woman. Fat Woman is generally invisible at the gym. Personal Trainer knows who Fat Woman is and always says hello or has a chat if he has time. Fat Woman hired Personal Trainer because he was immune to her invisibility forcefield.
  5. Personal Trainer introduces Fat Women to people at the gym. Fat Women now knows most of the other personal trainers as well as some of Personal Trainer's other clients. Fat Woman has a growing circle of acquaintances, which makes her feel at home.
  6. Personal Trainer stops Fat Woman from hurting herself. Fat Woman hasn't had an injury since working with Personal Trainer. Fat Woman hasn't needed to see her osteopath for months because Personal Trainer understands Fat Woman's limits and works within them. Personal Trainer looks after Fat Woman. Once he even refilled her water bottle for her.
  7. Personal Trainer works Fat Woman all over. Fat Woman could manage a cardio workout by herself but it would have taken a long time for her to get around to learning how to exercise all the different muscle groups, let alone adding weights. Personal Trainer takes care of all that.
  8. Personal Trainer encourages Fat Woman. Personal Trainer knows an awful lot of synonyms for "good" and he uses them, all the time. Each set of 20 reps nets Fat Woman at least three encouraging words. Fat Woman has grown to like these encouragements and feels neglected and unwatched if they aren't there. 
  9. Personal Trainer makes Fat Woman work. Fat Woman can do what she's been told to do. Personal Trainer makes Fat Woman do slightly more than she thinks she can do. Fat Woman does everything that little bit faster, harder or longer because of Personal Trainer's encouragement. 
  10. Personal Trainer makes Fat Woman progress. At the beginning of the working month Fat Woman is set goals by Personal Trainer. Fat Woman takes great pleasure in meeting these goals and exceeding them, or a she thinks of it: "blowing them out the water". Personal Trainer is quite possibly setting Fat Woman very achievable goals in a cunning double bluff to make her work even harder, but so long as Fat Woman gets her pat on the head she'll run with it. And row with it, and box with it and so on.
  11. Personal Trainer teaches Fat Woman new things. Fat Woman considers it amazing just how much Personal Trainer knows. Fat Woman hasn't yet stopped learning new exercises, new forms or even how to use a new machine. What that boy can do with a Swiss ball...
  12. Personal Trainer keeps Fat Woman honest. Personal Trainer knows when things are getting easy or Fat Woman could be putting a bit more effort into something. Fat Woman hasn't yet developed a labour saving trick which Personal Trainer hasn't cottoned on to. Personal Trainer doesn't even bother to call Fat Woman on it, he just changes tactic.
  13. Personal Trainer makes workouts interesting. Fat Woman hasn't yet had to do the same workout twice.
  14. Personal Trainer makes training fun. Fat Woman can have a laugh with Personal Trainer. 
  15. Personal Trainer is a constant. Whatever happens, Personal Trainer is there to meet Fat Woman at 11.30am on a Monday morning. Classes get cancelled, friends find excuses but Personal Trainer turns up every week. Therefore so does Fat Woman. And that's the most important thing.

1 comment:

  1. The best Personal Trainer is the one who makes you feel like maybe you can, even if you feel like you're pretty sure you can't. Keep up the great work!

    elle -