Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Fat Woman goes boxing

Fat Woman has been doing a lot of boxing. Fat Woman hasn't actually tried to hit anyone who is trying to hit her back because Fat Woman is concerned about head injuries. Personal Trainer is very keen on boxing and likes Fat Woman to hit the pads and the bag a lot. Fat Woman sometimes fantasises about hitting Personal Trainer, but Fat Woman knows that she would only ever get one chance because Personal Trainer is super fit and fast and has good defence. Fat Woman is not going to waste her only opportunity and is saving it for a day when she really, really REALLY wants to hit Personal Trainer. Fat Woman is wondering about negotiating a six-monthly thump bonus.

Fat Woman has her own boxing gloves. Fat Woman bought them from eBay and was surprised to find that they are a good brand. Fat Woman liked the fact they weren't bright green or pink but were instead plain black and white. Fat Woman didn't know that the white circles had a purpose, but as Fat Woman would do anything rather than wear the communal gloves Fat Woman bought them anyway. Fat Woman has 10oz gloves. They make Fat Woman feel very powerful when she hits something. This lasts until Fat Woman reaches 200 punches Fat Woman's arms get tired after 200 punches.

Fat Woman is having problems with her defence. Fat Woman holds her hands up where she is told. This makes Fat Woman's elbows rest on her bosom. Fat Woman has been blessed with large breasts. Fat Woman thanks her grandmother. Fat Woman's granny was a tiny women with huge breasts, so Fat Woman is certain she has genetically large breasts, not just fat ones.

Fat Woman isn't quite sure how to broach this with Personal Trainer. Fat Woman thinks of Personal Trainer as being practically 12 years old. Fat Woman isn't entirely comfortable with saying: "Is it me or are my big tits getting in the way?"

Fat Woman is not considering breast reduction surgery.

Fat Woman has recently developed a stance where her elbows stick out as if she was doing the birdie dance. It is only a matter of time before Personal Trainer brings up the subject of the way she is holding her gloves. Fat Woman is not looking forward to this.

The only thing that makes Fat Woman feel slightly better is that she would put money on the fact that Personal Trainer is even less keen to have that conversation than she is.


  1. Just nonchalantly saying, "Sorry, but my chest is in the way if I hold them any way else."