Thursday, 23 February 2012

Fat Woman says a rude word to Disney

Fat Woman has been swimming. Swimming Coach gave Fat Woman an exercise sheet. Swimming Coach had gone to the trouble to laminate it so Fat Woman could keep it with her at the side of the pool. Fat Woman thought this was particularly nice of Swimming Coach. Fat Woman wishes Personal Trainer would take notes from Swimming Coach. Personal Trainer sends information by text message.

Fat Woman was paddling up and down and up and down and up and down feeling glad that pool was otherwise empty. Fat Woman isn't the self concious type. Fat Woman long ago realised that there was no point being self-concious about being fat when people were going to realise it by looking at her. Fat Woman has also come to terms with the horrible veins showing on her legs. Fat Woman would be happier being fat if she had completely smooth unmarked peachy skin like a Barbie doll. Unfortunately despite advances in cosmetic surgery Fat Woman remains human and visibly flawed. Despite the visible flaws Fat Woman has a super amount of self confidence. Fat Woman is dressed and out of the changing rooms and into the pool whilst shyer women are queuing up to change in the toilet cubicle. Fat Woman thinks that wearing a skirt swimsuit that covers only two inches actually draws more attention to your wobbly thighs and prefers a swimsuit that will hold everything up and in.

On this particular day Fat Woman was feeling glad no one else was there. Fat Woman examined this feeling as she powered through 30 lengths of the pool. Fat Woman swims in a 20m pool so this is less impressive than if the gym had an Olympic sized swimming pool. Fat Woman was reasonably pleased with her efforts, although she was distressed to be informed by Swimming Coach that she would need to add yet more paraphernalia to her gym bag. Fat Woman now has a float as well as her laminated sheet. Fat Woman also needs to get a water poof watch for timing. Fat Woman has resolved never to do boxing on the same day as swimming laps. It is simply too much stuff to carry all at once.

Fat Woman was sensibly dressed in swimsuit/hat/googles with her waterproof MP3 player drowning out the rest of the world, yet instead of enjoying herself completely she was aware of a nagging feeling of insecurity. This centred mostly on her bottom. It eventually occurred to Fat Woman that she felt like a hippopotamus.

On reflection Fat Woman realises that she didn't feel like a real hippopotamus. Fat Woman has watched video footage of real hippos and, like in the clip below, they are usually strong and sleek and muscled in a way that the gym boys can only dream of.

Fat Woman blames her hippopotamus complex on Disney. Yes, that's right. The Walt Disney company is not just responsible for convincing a gazillion little girls they want to be a princess and be rescued. Disney has also made three generations of fat women feel terrifically self concious as they participate in what should be one of the easiest and most enjoyable sports.

Fat Woman has memories of more than one cartoon of synchronized swimming hippos. The memory that sticks with Fat Woman is the hippopotamus head and fat backside both being above the water whilst the rest of the hippo was submerged. Howevr, Fat Woman has definite proof that Disney is the main culprit. The clip below is from Fantasia. If you watch it you will note the following points:

(1) The hippo is fat. Not muscled, not even rotund, but fat with wobbly outlying regions which move comically.
(2) The unflattering tutus. Those skirts are designed to draw attention to the wrong place. Like a skirt swimsuit they accentuate the wobbly outlying regions.
(3) The hippo thinks she is graceful but she isn't.This is cleverly portrayed by adding hand (or really front leg) movements which spoil the grace.
(4) The hippo is lazy, going back to sleep and not waking up when a herd of elephants are dancing around her.

The message Fat Woman took from this was that fat females who think they are pretty and can do things such as dancing (or swimming) look ridiculous and are laughed at by everyone. This was particularly apparent when comparing the hippos with the ostriches shown in the film immediately before this clip. The ostriches were amusing, but they were thin! The hippos received a whole different level of amusement because they were fat. Even the elephants weren't as funny as the fat, female hippo. In the animation the elephants are muscled whereas the hippos are FAT. Fat wobbles. Fat doesn't do anything. Fat is there because you are lazy.

Fat Woman likes to know where feelings come from so they can be examined. In the light of 2012 Fat Woman is happy to be like a strong, sleek, muscled hippo. Fantasia can get fucked.

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