Friday, 17 February 2012

Fat Woman gets testy

Fat Woman was having a lovely time with Personal Trainer. Fat Woman even looked forward to Monday mornings when she would meet Personal Trainer in the gym café and they would head up to the studio for an hour long workout. Fat Woman was super happy in her new relationship, finding Personal Trainer to be a sweet young man who reminded her of a Pit Bull puppy, all cute and energetic and playful, strong for his size and very tough. Fat Woman liked Personal Trainer so much she even made him one of her super-duper chocolate cakes for his milestone birthday. Personal Trainer returned this trust and friendliness by making Fat Woman take a Fitness Test.

Fat Woman has a policy that in the gym she does everything Personal Trainer asks her to do and she doesn't moan about it. Personal Trainer has remarked that Fat Woman complains and argues the least out of all his clients. Fat Woman is proud of this as it is probably the only benefit she has compared to all the other clients. Fat Woman was so surprised by the fitness test that she broke her rule. Fat Woman caught herself protesting and stopped immediately, but Fat Woman had to acknowledge that the fitness test scared her.

The fitness test was (1) Row 1000m, (2) Walk as far as you can in five minutes (3) Hit the punch bag 500 times. Items 1 and 3 were measured on speed. Fat Woman approached them with caution but made reasonable times on both tests.

Fat Woman was frightened by item 2. Fat Woman worried that she would collapse gasping halfway through the test with burning lungs and an agonising stitch in her side. Fat Woman remembers Fat Girl trusting the P.E. teacher at school and running as fast as she can, responding to the cries of: "Try harder! Run faster!" Fat Girl found that however hard she tried and however fast she managed to run or however long she ran for it was never fast enough or long enough. Fat Girl didn't notice any positive encouragement or any congratulation for improvement. Fat Girl thinks that possibly there wasn't any benchmarking, just a natural order of teenage girls. Fat Girl's place in P.E. lessons was at the bottom of the order. Fat Woman remembers not being able to go on,  horrible pain and desperate gasping for air. Fat Girl was often left behind, last back to school with boys jeering at her as she walked up alone.

Fat Woman stood on the treadmill determined to make it through the five minutes. Fat Woman had no idea how fast she could walk or how long five minutes would feel. Fat Woman made no connection with the regular  fifteen minute walks she takes or even the occasional longer walks. Fat Woman just knew that if she went as fast as she could her knees would hurt and she would run out of breath and have pains in her side. In fact, that would be running and running involves slamming all of Fat Woman's weight on to Fat Woman's knees, breaking Fat Woman's rule of exercise (see previous post).

Fat Woman held herself together and completed all the stages in the fitness test. Fat Woman and Personal Trainer were both a little unnerved by the experience. Fat Woman made a mental note to find out exactly what Personal Trainer is testing, Fat Woman is not going to be speedy on her feet until she has lost at least another 100lbs. Fat Woman dislikes walking speed tests because they remind her so much of cross country runs and 1500m in school P.E. Fat Woman feels set up to lose.

Fat Woman is amazing on the rowing machine BTW.

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