Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Fat Woman shows the professionals

Fat Woman is very well informed about nutrition. Fat Woman follows a calorie controlled low GI diet provided by an on-line service. Fat Woman made it clear when she started working with Personal Trainer that she was not interested in comment, interest or criticism on her diet. This is because Fat Woman has had Issues with people criticising her eating. Fat Woman has not got an eating disorder and is keen not to develop one at this stage of life. Fat Woman told Personal Trainer that he was allowed to quiz her on her eating if her results at the end of the month were not showing at least 1lb loss each week. Fat Woman reserves the right to eat whatever the hell she wants. Fat Woman just happens to have chosen a particular eating plan right now. Personal Trainer took a little while to get used to the idea that Fat Woman was not in fact eating all the pies.

Personal Trainer did try quizzing Fat Woman on her nutrition during their first session. Fat Woman argued with Personal Trainer over the relative merits of honey versus golden syrup when you don't specify Manuka honey and laughed at Personal Trainer's Power Bar. Fat Woman pointed out that it the Power Bar was full of undesirable ingredients and that home made flapjacks with the whey protein on the side would be much healthier. Personal Trainer is a smart young man. By this time into their acquaintance (50 minutes) Personal Trainer had worked out that Fat Woman likes nothing more than an argument except winning an argument. Personal Trainer simply said that if Fat Woman would like to make him flapjacks he would be happy to eat them.

Fat Woman made Personal Trainer flapjacks as his Christmas present. Fat Woman matched the nutritional information as closely to the Power Bar as was possible. Fat Woman could have stirred in some whey protein but as she didn't have any and frankly wasn't keen to. Fat Woman did include cashews because she wanted to increase the protein,but the rest of the flapjack was made of the traditional ingredients: butter, sugar, golden syrup and oats. Personal Trainer loved the flapjacks, saying they were "Amazing." Fat Woman was glad Personal Trainer liked them. At 390 calories each personal trainers are the only ones who can afford to eat Fat Woman's flapjacks.

Swimming Coach said he wanted to try Fat Woman's flapjacks. Apparently Personal Trainer was unwilling to share his pack. Swimming Coach made so many references to this that Fat Woman was afraid it Swimming Coach was feeling unloved.

Eventually Fat Woman did bring Swimming Coach flapjacks. The next time Fat Woman was in the gym Swimming Coach got down on his knees and begged for more flapjacks. Fat Woman considers this a proper response to her baking.

Fat Woman also took more flapjacks for Personal Trainer that day. This was in case Personal Trainer felt left out. Personal Trainer and Swimming Coach seem to be wildly jealous of each other and how much attention Fat Woman is giving them. As Fat Woman is a fat woman and both Swimming Coach and Personal Trainer are fit young men Fat Woman thinks this is a combination of natural competitiveness and a desire not to lose out on either a fee or baked goods.

Fat Woman is starting to feel like a combination of favourite auntie and a drug dealer. Fat Woman finds the first rule of drug dealing is also helping with her weight loss. The rule is: Don't get high on your own supply.

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