Sunday, 27 January 2013

Fat Woman and the dangerous sweets

Fat Woman was making cake. Fat Woman likes baking, finding it puts her in her happy place. Fat Woman has become practised at making cupcakes because they are much easier to hand out than large cakes. Fat Woman was working her way through "500 cupcake and muffin recipes) by making a batch on Saturday, eating two over the weekend and sending the rest to work with Thin Husband, until she realised that she didn't actually want to eat most of the combinations and you can have such a thing as too much cake.

Fat Woman likes decorating cupcakes too. Sugarcraft is the only craft that Fat Woman has ever been anywhere near passable in. Fat Woman likes being able to give thoughtful gifts that are better than money can buy. Fat Woman might be boasting a little, but she doesn't compromise on quality of ingredients and she doesn't stint on the icing. For the record, Fat Woman thinks no icing = no point, but as a tolerant and accepting type of person she has developed a special set of recipes for those who claim not to like icing. Thin Husband can eat plain Madeira cake for breakfast. Fat Woman shudders at the very thought.

Fat Woman likes to present friends with a pristine white box containing a batch of cupcakes. If you are a close enough friend that Fat Woman knows what you like she will design a box of cupcakes especially for you. For example, Swimming Coach received a box with three different designs of banoffee cupcake for his birthday.

Personal Trainer likes Fat Woman's Ultimate Chocolate Cake and received one in good time for his birthday. However Fat Woman doesn't like to miss an excuse to bake so spent Sunday knocking out first vanilla and then chocolate cakes so Personal Trainer could have a box to share with his friends at work.

Fat Woman doesn't quite know where her A game was but it wasn't in her kitchen that afternoon. The chocolate cake recipe Fat Woman tried out was very strange with a crunchy top and not particularly chocolatey, so she was compelled to make another batch to a different recipe. Whilst distracted with the let-down of the latest recipe, Fat Woman let the buttercream on the vanilla cakes crust (dry). This made it impossible to put sprinkles on the buttercream so Fat Woman resorted to some miniature love heart sweets. Fat Woman has used these before to great effect. The miniature version of the love heart sweets have very short messages on them, each with no more than four letters. The messages include YES, HOT, DOLL, LOL, SIS, BAD, L8R WILD, GLAM, CUTE, HI, COOL and Fat Woman's personal favourite FIT. The pastel colours on vanilla buttercream worked quite well and the raspberry buttercream was topped with white love hearts.

Having made a second batch of chocolate cupcakes Fat Woman topped them with a dark chocolate ganache. To make the chocolate cakes fit with the rest of the box Fat Woman thought putting a single large Love Heart sweet on each would work. The pale colours would contrast with the chocolate ganache in an effective way.

What Fat Woman hadn't reckoned on was that a large love heart sweet has room for a much longer message and the little packets she had purchased were originally marketed as favours for weddings. Therefore instead of the childish messages such as "Funny Face" or "No Chance" Fat Woman remembers from her early years, these sweets had nothing but the most romantic messages printed on them.  Fat Woman sorted out the first four perfect sweets and was about to put them on the cakes when she saw that she had chosen BE MINE, I LOVE YOU, YOU AND I and most horrifying of them all, KISS ME.

Fat Woman went hot and cold at the thought of presenting Personal Trainer with cakes bearing such messages and had to sit down and eat a cake before she was strong enough to continue.

Fat Woman had to open four more packets of sweets before she found COOL DUDE, LUCKY LIPS, SMILE and DEAR ONE. Thin Husband picked out DEAR ONE because he says Personal Trainer is costing him a fortune.

Fat Woman is going to throw away all the leftover packets of love heart in case she gets accused of sexually harassing someone by cake.

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