Monday, 7 January 2013

Fat Woman is off her face

Fat Woman was excited by (1) her new stack (2) her new strength training programme. Fat Woman took her pills and packed her protein bar and post-workout pills and went to the gym where Personal Trainer  presented her with a special book of workout instructions with space for records for her to keep throughout the six weeks.

Fat Woman took 3g of L-arginine at 1pm followed by 80mcg of caffeine at 1.30pm and and 3.5g of Creatine at 1.55pm. By 2pm Fat Woman was pie-eyed and spacey. Personal Trainer could tell because Fat Woman had absolutely nothing to say on anything. Fat Woman kept smiling big warm smiles at people she had never met to the point she was worried that middle-aged men would think she was trying to pick them up. Fat Woman was numb but happy, and when Personal Trainer demanded to know what she was smiling at from the top of the assisted chin up machine, Fat Woman told him that he was so cute when he trains, like a puppy.

By the end of the session Fat Woman could feel herself staring around the room like an idiot. Personal Trainer had to keep telling her to focus on the display of the rowing machine as when her attention wandered she would go slower.

After training Fat Woman went straight out to the café to have a cup of tea and a protein bar. When Personal Trainer passed by on his way out he stopped briefly to check on Fat Woman. All he had to say was that Fat Woman looked very spaced out, and that when driving she should remember to aim for the middle one.

Fat Woman got home in one piece but is expecting a come-down.

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