Friday, 4 January 2013

Fat Woman is the Queen of Drama

When Fat Woman and Personal Trainer were discussing aims for 2013 Personal Trainer said they would switch to timed rest periods. Fat Woman agreed that this was an awfully good idea as she and Personal Trainer do use training time to facilitate their friendship. This makes training fun, but can lead to more talking and less working. Fat Woman told Personal Trainer that she was in full support of this principle, and that without meaning to hurt his feelings if it came to a choice between the personal and the professional she would take the professional. Fat Woman is now thinking she ought to check back with Personal Trainer that she didn't actually hurt his feelings. Fat Woman is simply trying very hard to prioritise her health and fitness over everything else in her life. Fat Woman thinks that Personal Trainer is a great person but he is also a brilliant personal trainer and she is likely to find new a friend much more easily than she would a personal trainer of the same calibre.

This exchange set Fat Woman thinking. Fat Woman is glad that she doesn't have to chose with Personal Trainer. Fat Woman started thinking about Swimming Coach. To recap, Swimming Coach not only tried playing power games on a personal front (Fat Woman refused to engage) but had the temerity to warn a colleague off Fat Woman and imply that Fat Woman had had sex with either himself or Personal Trainer. Fat Woman had requested a talk with Swimming Coach but had been ignored. Fat Woman had been avoiding Swimming Coach until she calmed down, but Swimming Coach had escalated to the cut direct. By that point Fat Woman didn't actually care any more and left things alone.

When discussing 2013 activities with Personal Trainer Fat Woman realised that the open water swimming courses begin in April. Personal Trainer asked if Fat Woman had found a replacement for Swimming Coach and Fat Woman admitted that she hadn't. Fat Woman could sign up for a class, but that would take up yet another evening and be a fairly dilute amount of help. Fat Woman could ask the woman who does swimming coach at her gym, but Fat Woman has a fairly low opinion of her finding her insipid as a class teacher and frankly a bit thick. Fat Woman could call up a random swimming coach but would have to pay a fair bit more for the good ones with a public profile.

Fat Woman thought about all the options and decided that as she didn't give two hoots about what Swimming Coach thought she might as well use his services. So Fat Woman waited until Swimming Coach was sitting with Big D PT in the café, walked up to them, said hello to Big D PT, looked Swimming Coach in the face and said: "Would you like to coach me for swimming this year?"

To say Swimming Coach was caught on the hop was an understatement. Swimming Coach is used to DRAAAAAMA. For Swimming Coach, having a target of his drama walk up to him and ignore any personal undercurrent seemed to be a completely new experience. Fat Woman will go so far as to say that she caught Swimming Coach on the hop and that he was taken so far aback he was in Australia. Fat Woman enjoyed that moment immensely  it made her feel powerful. Fat Woman has an aim and no one is going to get in her way.

Swimming Coach has the natural cunning of a weasel and although he didn't bring off a completely smooth response Fat Woman has to admit that he managed to hold the conversation together, inspired no doubt by the smell of a fee. A written transcript would look remarkably civil and very professional. However, Fat Woman wanted no uncertainty. When given a conditional response of "Yes, if you want me to" Fat Woman asked the question again until she got an unconditional positive answer to the question. Throughout this conversation Swimming Coach looked simply terrible. Puffy around the eyes, tired, unfocussed. After some negotiating over date and time for a session Fat Woman thanked Swimming Coach, told Big D PT it was nice to see him, turned on her heel and left.

At no point in the conversation was their any acknowledgement of any of the conflict or drama or bad behaviour. Fat Woman guesses this is one of the benefits of being English: if no one actually says or does anything overt then it can be safely ignored at a future date. Fat Woman is chuckling a little inside because she bets that whatever Swimming Coach was expecting from her, it wasn't THAT. Fat Woman knows for a fact that Swimming Coach has had many messy ends to a relationship, and would put money on the message behind his eyes being NO INFORMATION ON THIS.

Fat Woman texted later just with the date and time and "confirmed". The text back simply said "Confirmed".

Fat Woman guesses this means that she and Swimming Coach are officially communicating again.

Fat Woman is chuckling over a little joke. The joke is so weak that Fat Woman isn't going to tell it to anyone in real life.

Q. What's the difference between Swimming Coach and a weasel?
A. A weasel is weaselly recognised, and Swimming Coach is a twat.

Actually, Fat Woman did tell Not Thin Friend, who laughed, so it obviously has some humour value. Childish humour but hey! any grin's a win.

Fat Woman thoroughly recommends being business-like and unemotional as a weapon in a personal relationship.

Fat Woman is the Queen of Drama. This means that it is Fat Woman who decides when there is to be drama, and when there will not be drama.

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